


If You Want Me

by wooschi



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bad Humor, Blow Jobs, Bondage, Choking, Coming of Age, Complicated Mingyu, Complications, Consensual Sex, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub, Drunk Sex, Dry Humping, Fluff, Friendship, Hand Jobs, Jisol, Kinky sex, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Non-Consensual Touching, Platonic friendships, Praise Kink, Shameless Smut, Size Kink, Smut, There's too much alcohol involvement in this fic, Underage Drinking, University AU, fluffy sex, jeongcheol - Freeform, mental breakdowns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-30 23:03:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 75,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10174403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wooschi/pseuds/wooschi
Summary: Jihoon whines pathetically and lays pliant against the bed. Because submissive people did that. And Jihoon wants to be submissive for Mingyu.Jihoon and Mingyu meet at the bar.Previously titled 'be my baby (i'm in love with the shape of you)'[on hiatus]





	1. i'm in love with your body

**Author's Note:**

> hiya.  
> i wonder if i should make this chaptered? solely for sex, i'm a slut for jigyu sex. i have some ideas lingering, if anyone wanted more parts of this story? it'll be mainly sex. and feelings. but mainly sex. let me know!! it'll be a good chance to add the other members in here too! (i lit forgot about them while writing this oOps)  
> thanx for reading! make sure to read my other jigyu fic that's not related to this one in any way!!! and maybe my jeongcheol one aswell.
> 
> sorry for any spelling errors! forgive me i never proof read before posting.

When Jihoon's friends are heading out to the bar and invite him along, there's never going to be a time where Lee Jihoon says no to a night out. It's not that he's - he's a pathetic alcoholic or anything, oh no, it's rare as it is to go out to bars when you're juggling two advanced music courses in your third year of university and handling a minimun wage job between classes, add those with his friends who have their own adult lives and he could rarely see from time to time outside of uni and maybe that's the reason Jihoon says yes to go.

Going out to a bar with friends was what they all needed.

So Friday evening, Jihoon was in a cab heading to Seungcheol's apartment. The only person who had an actual apartment in Seoul and not a university dorm out of Jihoon's six friends was Seungcheol, minus Jeonghan who basically lived with Cheol but wasn't ballsy enough to cut his dorm mortage 'just in case'. Seungcheol's apartment was where they would usually meet up and the seven friends would head out from there.

At 7pm, Jihoon arrived to Seungcheol's apartment, grimacing as he paid the driver a hefty amout of money and cursed himself mentally for not taking public transit or even walking the four miles on foot. But as snow lightly fell on Seoul's already winter-ridden grounds and condensation escaped his mouth with every breath, Jihoon was fine with paying ₩16000. By the time Jihoon was up into Seungcheol's apartment, he was surprised when he bumped into Soonyoung in the elevator.

"Hey, Lee," Soonyoung greeted informally. "What's up, Kwon?" Jihoon replied just as informal as he pressed the button for Seungcheol's floor. Soonyoung still had bleached hair, roots showing through the beanie he wore, and he seemed more lean from what Jihoon could tell from the jacket he wore on top of a sweater, the dance classes paying off on his figure rather positively. As Jihoon and Soonyoung used the short elevator ride to catch up a bit and talk about how bitterly boring their lives were, they arrived to Seungcheol's floor.

It wasn't a shocking sight to see Seungcheol basically pinning Jeonghan to the wall, but as Jihoon took his first step into the apartment and saw the sight from the start, he couldn't help but gag with much exaggeration as Soonyoung did the same. The couple broke apart, the situation so familar that they didn't have the audacity to apologize or even flush from embarrassment at being caught.

"Oh, hey guys," Jeonghan says, adjusting himself to look decent like he wasn't just sucking faces with his boyfriend until they were both breathless. "Jisoo, Jun, and Wonu are here already. We'll be leaving soon but before that, let's catch up a bit." Jeonghan suggests, pulling both boys into the apartment.

-

After catching up, by the time the seven boys decided to head to the bar now, it was almost 8pm. Everyone had been so wrapped around Wonu's story about a guy in one of his university courses falling down a flight of stairs and breaking both of his arms and spraining his ankle that time seemed to slip away a lot faster. Jisoo had met someone - a guy, which came as a surprise because, even though they were all best friends and have been friends with each other for over 4 years, Jisoo had always been awkward about personal stuff like sexuality. He said he thinks he's bisexual, earning a pat from an equally bisexual Jeonghan. The heteros, Jun and Soonyoung, mourned a fallen soldier but were happy of Jisoo for "Finally Trusting Us". Aforementioned guy who swept Jisoo's time was named Hansol. The quality time almost made Jihoon forget the real reason they linked up again, and when Seungcheol announced it was getting later and that they should go now, the intimacy of the friendship bubble popped but Jihoon was anticipating the bar never less.

The walk to the nearest bar was fun, seven boys hanging on to each other as they crossed the fairly slippery street, and conversing rather loudly and shamelessly about anything random. Jihoon felt like a teenager, minus the fact he had friends at such age, instead of a lame 23 year old with many responsibilities and bills to pay.

The group of seven boys arrived to the bar, passing by the people who were slinging around outside the building, and entered the place no problem (except Jihoon, who got carded - like always! It wasn't his fault his parents' genes made him look like a 15 year old boy when he was almost double that age). Immediately, Jihoon could feel all tension and stress relieve from his shoulders as his friends got inevitably split up way too soon and he clinged to the nearest person who was Jun and followed the taller to the bar counter. There were many people in the bar, all with the same intentions of getting drunk off their asses and maybe even finding a hookup. Many women and men and inbetweens scattered the dancefloor and every inch of the room.

After ordering drinks at the bar, Jihoon turns to Jun who is sipping his glass rather feminine with his pinky out and Jihoon laughed. Conversation with Jun was always sentimental and philosophical, and tonight wasn't anything different. The boy had a lot on his mind and no friends close enough to tell them too, so Jihoon listened to his best friends' thoughts rather politely with genuine interest. It was until Wonu came around, a pretty girl attached to his side (which made Jihoon's eyes nearly bulge because Wonu, very much like Seungcheol, didn't swing that way). It was until Wonu introduced the girl to Jun did Jihoon realize that his hyung didn't suddenly have an interest in girls but was hooking up Jun.

Wonu pulled Jihoon away from the couple that seemed to be hitting it off fairly well despite Jun's typical quietness. 

"He's been complaining weeks about not having some sort of release, but who knows, maybe I found him true love," Wonu mutters into Jihoon's ear, and the shorter boy laughs. "Probably not, Jun's had a lot of bar hookups, this one is not going to be different," Jihoon says, which is rather blunt and harsh if he's being honest, but that's the thing - he's just being honest. "Hm. What about you, Mr. Lee? Have you had any hookups from the bar stories you want to tell?" Wonu asks, breaking his character of the shy, intervert guy and Jihoon realizes it's because the taller boy was buzzed and was only getting deeper into the hole as he took another swig of his glass.

"Uh no, you know I don't do bar hookups," Jihoon attempts to argue, but he knows it's hopeless as Wonu scoffs. "Liar. What about that guy with the badly dyed red hair? You were all over him that one time-" 

"Yeah, but I didn't hookup with him!"

"-Or that one with the weird eyes, one of them dropped more then the other-"

"Again! I didn't sleep with him!"

"Damn, Lee. You really are boring," Wonu hiccups and Jihoon knocks the insult off like nothing as he downs his own cup. "I'm not boring just because I don't bring guys back to my dorm like you every night we go out," Jihoon snarles back, the insult empty as Wonu only laughs. "You kind of are. It's thrilling when you hookup with a stranger - they're all different! You should try it, it'll help you de-stress by a ton." Wonu suggests, wiggling his eyebrows almost pathetically as he then cheers Jihoon and stalks off into the large crowd.

Jihoon is left pouting. Just because he didn't have hookups doesn't mean he was boring, no matter what Wonu said. The boy was snagging men all the time, what would he know? Jihoon stalked off to order another drink.

As he stood at the bar and waiting for his drink to arrive, someone stood beside him, propping a 50,000 won bill on the counter and ordering an expensive drink, all in the while paying for Jihoon's. Jihoon rolled his eye at cocky men who took pleasure in paying for drinks for potential hookups. The shorter boy took his drink, cheering the much older man beside him who paid for his drink, downed the glass in one chug, slammed the glass on the counter and swallowed the burning alcohol as he visibly rolled his eyes at the man, his back on said man and walked away.

Jihoon got lost in the crowd, feeling his bones become senseless and feelings become tingly as his vision became hazy just a bit. Jihoon wasn't weak where he could get drunk off two cups of vodka mix - oh no. But he was weak enough to already feel buzzed. And the feeling was familiar and he soaked up the newfound confidence it gave him as he danced mostly to himself. Some girls came to dance with him, and he put his hands on their waist and let them push their bodies close to his own - despite him being a man attracted to other men. But limiting himself to dance with just men was boring, girls were more fun to dance with as his laughter blended in with the equally buzzed girls' giggles. Of course there were the few men who came by, and Jihoon didn't protest as they touched him intimately but still danced with him. Dancing was dancing, and Jihoon enjoyed himself until he got tired.

After a few songs, Jihoon arrived back to the bar alone, glad the old man was nowhere to be seen, and ordered himself another drink. This time, instead of an old man, a person around the same age as Jihoon came up to him. The man was taller then Jihoon by a good 11 inches, Jihoon's head just reaching the other's shoulders, but he was so attractive from what Jihoon could desipher behind hazy eyes that he felt compelled to make some type of advance towards the taller man. For the first time ever, Jihoon voluntarily introduced himself first.

"Hi, I'm Jihoon, you are?" He spoke formally, and the man beside him turned to look at him and chuckled sweetly. The way his eyes crinkled had Jihoon dead on the floor. Okay, so he was attractive, but not literally where Jihoon couldn't speak. "Hi, I'm Mingyu. I've seen you around here for a while, I wanted to come talk to you but never had the chance. Especially when you were dancing," Mingyu says, his eyes narrowing playfully and Jihoon feels his face get hot and he nervously drinks his drink. "Don't worry, I liked what I saw. Wished it was me most of the time, though."

Normally, when Jihoon heard from other men saying how they wished they could touch him or be near him in unthinkable ways, Jihoon would be purely disgusted. But Mingyu says it in a way that is quite nerdy, almost ironic, that Jihoon can't help but chuckle flirtatiously.

"The night is young. So much we can do." Jihoon doesn't mean to make it sound suggestive, he only meant it in the sense of dancing and maybe making out a few times, but the way Mingyu's eyes suddenly darken a bit, Jihoon shivers. But Mingyu seems to know Jihoon's nonexisting limits, and doesn't touch him or make any sexual advances like most men would if Jihoon flirted back, and the shorter boy is grateful that at least one of the guys he meets are somewhat respectful.

They hit it off quite well. They drink at the bar, each holding their own glasses of whatever it was they ordered. Having a pleasant conversation of whatever either could think of. Jihoon's tummy feels warm, but he knows he's not drunk completely - just a bit where his speech becomes slowed and slurred and movements become more clumsy. Mingyu seems to be reaching the same level, because when the taller stands up straight from leaning on the counter, he stumbles, and an equally stumbly Jihoon attempts to steady him, but they both end up stumbling just a bit and Jihoon laughs as Mingyu holds him by the forearms.

Jihoon's face feels hot from the alcohol, the temperature of the room, and Mingyu close by him that it becomes overwhelming. He pulls his arms free, rubbing his cheeks between his palms in attempt to cool them down but the friction only makes them more hot, and as he does that he blatantly ignores the fond look Mingyu gives him at the small action. Instead something from the depths of his memory returns.

"Want to dance?" Jihoon asks, not waiting for an answer as he drags Mingyu onto the dancefloor. The older man instantly tugs Jihoon close, claiming the boy in the moment so others wouldn't try to take him, and Jihoon could feel their body heat intertwining as they dance rather dirtily. Mingyu is too tall for Jihoon to comfortably wrap his arms around his neck, so he opts to placing his palms on the taller's shoulders as they shamelessly grind onto each other. Jihoon's mouth hangs open as small gasps and other soft sounds leave him as they sensually glide in movements that would be deemed as 'sinful', as Jeonghan would say it, and the shorter boy unaware of the dark lust swirling around the pupils of the taller boy he's clinging onto.

There are many people around them, equally dancing dirtily as they are. Some accidentally bump into Jihoon and/or Mingyu but that's okay because the two are guilty of bumping into other people too. The music is loud it pours into Jihoon's brain and latches onto every stem; Jihoon feels light and fuzzy. 

One of the hand on Jihoon's hip slide up his body, and Jihoon mewls into the touch as the music becomes deafening and the same hand rests under his chin. Jihoon knows what's going to happen next as he looks up through half lidded eyes at Mingyu, who looks so sexy and dark and their eyes connect for a brief moment before Jihoon shuts them with a small moan. After that, he feels a pair of lips on his own, and he pulls the boy down desperately, at the same time standing on his tip toes, adoring the way their lips move together in a kiss Jihoon wouldn't deem as passionate or loving - it was quick and dirty. Spit, the taste of vodka, and messy tongues gliding on each other that if Jihoon was sober he'd be pulling away in an instant. But it's addicting. This gross combination is addicting and Jihoon wants more as he pulls onto Mingyu's face harder and the taller boy growls into the kiss.

Jihoon had made out with many men at the bar while drunk, yes he can't deny that. All of them ended with the man begging for a chance for Jihoon to go home with him for the night, all of which Jihoon declined with no other reason other then he didn't want to. But tonight - Jihoon felt compelled to get Mingyu in a way he's never felt with anyone. Maybe it was the softness of the taller boys' eyes, or the way he spoke so smoothly, his handsome looks, or how respectful he was towards Jihoon the entire night. It would feel wrong to end it so soon and never see and hear from Mingyu ever again. Maybe tonight Jihoon would change his mind.

Mingyu bit onto Jihoon's bottom lip, and the shorter boy mewled and opened his mouth. The kiss was dirty, addicting as he tasted Mingyu's tongue on his own. His stomach felt warm and fuzzy, a perpetual need beginning to form in his gut. Mingyu seemed to sense it, because he pulled away and Jihoon breathed heavily as he opened his eyes slightly and saw the sight of Mingyu looking wrecked and ridden with lust.

"Want to get out of here?" Mingyu asks. The inherent meaning of what Mingyu asked is there - the 'let's leave so we can go back to one of our places and fuck', and Jihoon's needs topple over and he's nodding a silent agreement, which is still agreeing consenually as he wasn't completely shitfaced and could decipher who he was with and where they were. The glint in the taller boys' eyes return, but it darkens and Mingyu leads Jihoon to the exit. When they exit the stuffy bar into the open wide space that it Seoul, Jihoon breathes in fresh air as the colour of his warm rosy cheeks fade a bit.

"Yours or mine?"

Jihoon's mind fall blank in the midst of the question. His dorm is small, a thin single bed and a bedframe that squeaks under any weight, and he's most likely to get in trouble for having uninvited guests in his dorm, but the thought of being in someone elses home was a scary thought. He ends up going to Mingyu's house because 1) what if Mingyu turns out to be an axe murderer who finds an emotional attachment within Jihoon and stalks him at his university dorm and murders him in his sleep and 2) Mingyu said it was a short walk away and Jihoon didn't want to drive 20 minutes down 5 miles. But Mingyu still hails a cab, soft snowflakes painting Jihoon's hair as he stands close beside Mingyu as a cab stops near them.

The cab ride is short, spent mostly with Jihoon almost in Mingyu's lap, kissing aggressively, ignored by the driver. Jihoon's hands roam as much clothed torso as he could touch, all while Mingyu's hands rest on the small of Jihoon's back, fingertips dipping into the back of his jeans just slightly. The cab stops, and the two boys break away. Mingyu pays the small amount of money, exiting the cab with Jihoon. The taller boy helps the shorter boy out of the car and onto the street. Jihoon is faced with a small apartment building, only about 5 floors with three rooms per level. 

Mingyu leads Jihoon inside the apartment building, talking the elevator as Jihoon dusts snowflakes out of his damp hair and checks his reflection through the mirrored wall. He looks wrecked and nothing much has even happened - his lips were red, cheeks flushed, hair disheveled. Jihoon was pulled away from the mirror by Mingyu, and he chuckled slightly as they continued their heavy makeout session inside the elevator. Jihoon moved his body closer to Mingyu's, tingles eliciting his nerves as goosebumps arose his skin. Lips became slick with spit and Jihoon hummed deeply into the kiss. The elevator dinged and Mingyu pulled away, leaving Jihoon panting.

Mingyu led Jihoon down the small corridor, stopping at the third and last door on the left and digging into his pocket. He pulled out the key and unlocked his door. It was dark, Jihoon couldn't see anything. He could tell Mingyu's apartment was just one whole room, but it was hard to decipher what was what as no light illuminated from the hallway. The only light seemed to be from the window, where the streetlights shone in through thin curtains. Mingyu seemed to know his way around in the dark though, as he led Jihoon deeper into his apartment room. Suddenly, his jacket was being removed from his body and placed somewhere in the dark room.

It was when Jihoon felt his knees bump into the edge of the bed that he realized what was really going to happen. He didn't feel nervous completely, just strange that he was actually at a practical stranger's house at night after having a few drinks and having a makeout session the whole way here. It made Jihoon shook, but he wanted it. He was sure of it.

Jihoon fell onto the bed, shifting up onto the mattress and moving so that he was sitting near the centre of the double bed. His eyes had begin adjusting to the dark, and he saw silhouettes of things in the apartment, including the person that towered before him. He felt the bed dip as another weight came, and very hesitantly did he feel hands touch his knees before sliding up his body to cup his chin. Mingyu shifted until he was between Jihoon's legs, bringing their lips together in the dark. Jihoon kissed back, not as desperate or sloppy as before. It was different now that they were completely alone in a dark room on a bed - everything felt more intimate.

Mingyu's hands trailed from Jihoon's chin down the hem of his sweater, and for a moment Jihoon faltered before inevitably lifting his arms up and shivering into the cold night as his sweater was removed from his body, leaving him in a thin t shirt and jeans that strained against his slight hard-on. Mingyu pulled away, tossing the sweater on the floor before removing his own along with his t shirt. Jihoon watched through hazy eyes, small, cold hands reaching out to touch newly exposed skin. Mingyu's stomach twitched at the touch, and Jihoon bit his lip as he felt taut muscles under his fingertips and slid his palms around the faint abs.

Suddenly, a light was turned on. It was dim, so dim there might as well not be a light on. But Mingyu pulled away from the small lamp on his bedside table, and Jihoon flushed as everything was able to be seen and a bit of confidence escaped him. 

All was forgotten as Mingyu came back up and kissed Jihoon, which turned more heated and messy. The taller boy's hands roamed under Jihoon's t shirt, and the shorter boy blushed as he knew nothing but pudge could be felt. There wasn't anything impressive about Jihoon's body - he wasn't fat nor was he skinny. He had just the right amount of fat, but because he was short it seemed to pudge mostly on his tummy. But Mingyu didn't seem to mind, gently running his hands up and down Jihoon's stomach from his ribcage down to the top of his jeans. Jihoon shivered and writhed under the touch, softly gasping into Mingyu's mouth.

Then, Jihoon's shirt was removed from his body, leaving both boys shirtless and panting. Jihoon was pushed down onto the bed, pulled down more comfortably into a position where he laid his head on the pillows and Mingyu climbed up and caged him with his much taller, broader body and Jihoon lightly whimpered. Mingyu's eyes darkened in the dim light, growling as he moved down to kiss and suck at Jihoon's neck and collarbone. The shorter boy writhed and gasped, hands reaching to tug the taller boy's hair, to which the taller boy growled into, sucking harshly onto the clavicle that Jihoon shuddered with a soft moan. His veins lit with a firey frenzy - Jihoon needed more.

The heat between both boys radiated throughout the room, making the skin hot and flushed. Jihoon scratched lightly at Mingyu's neck, one of his hand sliding down just a bit to ghost over the adams apple that bobbed under the touch, the prominent veins from where Mingyu sucked marks onto Jihoon's neck, to the collarbone and down the taller boy's chest, lightly scratching the sensitive skin. Jihoon gasped when Mingyu groaned and pulled away, admiring how sexy the taller boy looked with flushed cheeks, dark eyes and disheveled hair. Jihoon looked equally wrecked - hickies blooming on his neck and collarbone, cheeks and chest flushed hotly, hair messy against the pillows.

"Need you," Jihoon found himself saying, and if he was 100% sober (which he wasn't - he was probably 56% sober and 54% intoxicated) he would've flushed over his own words, but the desire is stronger and he begins to rut shamelessly against Mingyu's thigh. The taller boy groans, moving so he was sitting on his heels between Jihoon's legs. Jihoon writhed against the bedsheets as he stuck a finger in his mouth to bite as Mingyu popped the first button of his jeans. Jihoon felt shivers run up his spine at the sultry look Mingyu shot at him when he began to pull down the shorter boys' jeans, Jihoon wiggling to help the process faster. His head twirled as the cold air hit his now exposed body, and he felt completely submissive under a still-fairly-clothed Mingyu. But the feeling dissipated just a bit as the taller boy threw the jeans on the floor and then shifted to take off his own.

Jihoon forced himself not to touch himself, vibrations tingling throughout his body as he became much more aroused when Mingyu's palm ghosted over his visible erection through his underwear. The smaller boy gasped and immediately rut upwards to chase the touch, but Mingyu growled and moved his hands to hold down Jihoon's hips.

"So needy," Mingyu murmurs, the dim light casting deep shadows on his face that Jihoon couldn't tell the expression through lidded eyes. Jihoon softly mewled and shut his eyes, pushing his head into the pillow as he attempted to push forwards but was still held down by Mingyu, who was a lot stronger then his lean frame bid him for. "Need need need." Jihoon chanted in a whisper, biting his lip as he writhed seducingly on the bed. Mingyu's sound of aroused distressed made Jihoon giggle.

"Little baby needs me so bad," Mingyu says darkly into Jihoon's hipbones, hot breath ghosting the soft skin and Jihoon shudders. He didn't think he was the type into dirty talk, but what Mingyu said so dirtily made him feel so vulnerable and tingly in ways that he never felt - and he wanted to feel that even more. "Going to make you feel so good, baby, so good you'll be a mess on the bed, sensitive in your little boy parts, crying."

Maybe it's the alcohol clouding his mind or the fact that Mingyu is lowkey a kinky person and Jihoon is just discovering that maybe he is too, but Jihoon whines pathetically and lays pliant against the bed. Because submissive people did that. And Jihoon wants to be submissive for Mingyu.

Mingyu cups Jihoon's erection, the contact making Jihoon whine pathetically and writhe ever so slightly. Mingyu notes his actions, how composed Jihoon is making himself to be even as he strokes the small boy through his underwear, eliciting gasps and moans. Jihoon bites down on his finger, forcing himself not to thrust up into the sensual touch as Mingyu touches and pets the boy fondly.

"Please," Jihoon gasps, his thighs quivering and breath shortening. Mingyu moves up, caging Jihoon between his arms, planting a soft kiss on the smaller boy's jaw. "Please what? Use your words, baby," Mingyu says, and Jihoon whines in response. "Please... Touch me." Jihoon flushes furiously under the yellow lamp, and Mingyu is nothing more then satisfied as he reaches between their bodies and slides his fingers under Jihoon's underwear, the skin on skin contact sending Jihoon into a desperate frenzy.

The short boy pants, his eyes shutting as Mingyu jerks him off at a moderate pace, making sure to fondle his balls gently and Jihoon is a shaking mess of moans and whines. There's sweat forming on Jihoon's forehead, and his body temperature rises drastically as his hands find their way to Mingyu's hair, pulling at the strands and Mingyu groans into Jihoon's neck. Jihoon's legs find purchase wrapping loosely around Mingyu's legs, pushing himself up towards Mingyu's touch and moans rather loudly when Mingyu thumbs the slit. Mingyu does it repeatedly, eliciting loud moans from Jihoon who heats up in embarrassment and could feel his near coming faster then usual. Just as Jihoon could feel his edge close in, he moans ragged and pushes Mingyu's hand away, the edge dissipating almost instantly and he lays nearly boneless on the bed as he stutters

"Inside. I want you inside."

And goddamn did he stutter that sentence shamelessly 

Mingyu's head lifts from his neck, and Jihoon gasps as his eyes slip shut. There's a pair of lips on his own, and Jihoon kisses back desperately, body quivering as Mingyu's hand roams all over his body. The kiss tastes mostly of alcohol, Jihoon notices, filled with too much spit and dirty moaning that Jihoon bites Mingyu's bottom lip before pulling away. Mingyu's eyes are dark, almost completely black (which Jihoon realizes is just his imagination because eyes can't just go from brown to black because of arousal - they just can't), and Jihoon feels vulnerable under the instense stare.

Mingyu moves back into his position of kneeling between Jihoon's legs, fingertips gently gliding up the smooth skin of Jihoon's pale thighs, and the shorter boy giggles, moving his legs so the soles of his feet are planted on the bed. The position makes his flush just a bit, but Mingyu's attention diverts from Jihoon's eyes to his spread legs. Instantly, Mingyu's hands find grip around the article of clothing and he slides them off Jihoon's legs, the boy lifting his legs so the clothing could be easily disposed.

The exposure and openness of Jihoon leaves him flushing like mad, his dick hard against his stomach, angry red with pre come beading on the tip and dripping just under his belly button. Mingyu takes in the sight, spreading Jihoon's legs further apart and lowering himself down just a bit to get a glimpse at Jihoon's hole. The shorter boy blushes and opts to close his eyes as Mingyu grips his dick again, jerking just as a dry finger prods his hole. Jihoon flinches, but pushes back into the slight pressure, earning a curse from Mingyu who nearly groans.

Hands leave Jihoon's body, and the shorter boy opens his eyes when the bed shifts but sees Mingyu reaching into the nightstand just before Jihoon's head. When he pulls out lube, Jihoon whines pathetically and wriggles into the mattress. Mingyu is back in his spot within seconds, gently carassing the soft skin of Jihoon's thighs. The bottle cap snaps open and Jihoon opens his eyes, low eyes watching the small bottle in Mingyu's large hands. The taller boy pours a generous amount of lube onto his fingers, capping the bottle and smearing the liquid onto his long fingers and Jihoon watches intently.

Mingyu moves forward, using his free hand to hold himself up over Jihoon, his lubed hand gently finding their way to the shorter boy's hole. Jihoon softly moans when the finger circles his entrance, wrapping his arms around Mingyu's neck and pushing into the touch instantly. Mingyu bites Jihoon's earlobe, gently circling the rim before pushing the finger all the way up to the kuckle in one thrust. Jihoon gasps, arching his back as he attempts to get used to the odd feeling (he's had sex before, no doubt, but it was so long ago that Jihoon was basically inexperienced, not that he really was, it's just the feeling was so foreign it would take a while to get used of it again). Mingyu gently circles the finger in Jihoon's hole, and he jolts every time the long finger pushes against his insides.

There's another finger in him. And then another.

Jihoon has three fingers in him, and he's bucking onto the fingers and softly moaning as they press deeper inside of him. Mingyu is breathing heavily into Jihoon's neck, his arm shaking from holding himself up for so long. The odd feeling replenishes into pleasure when Mingyu's fingers brush against something inside Jihoon that the smaller boy jolts and arches his back as a loud moan escapes his parted lips.

"You like it, baby boy?" Mingyu asks, brushing against the same spot, eliciting the same reaction from the smaller boy. Jihoon nods, unable to find words as he rocks against Mingyu's fingers. "You think you're ready now?" Mingyu asks, the same tone there that he uses when talking dirty. Jihoon nods again. "Yes. Please."

Mingyu sits up, slowly removing his fingers in sake of watching Jihoon push down and moan helplessly. The sight is really arousing and Mingyu's breath catches in his throat.

Jihoon's legs are spread wider, his knees curling in, elevating his hips so his entrance was exposed, glistening from lube. Jihoon bites his lip, flushing in embarrassment, watching as Mingyu pulls down his underwear, bunching them around his thighs and Jihoon groans at the sight of newly exposed Mingyu. He's big. Bigger then Jihoon himself by a lot. Also thick. Jihoon watches Mingyu silently open the bottle of lube and slicks himself up rather quick, softly groaning at the friction of neglecting his own erection for so long.

Jihoon goes back into position when Mingyu moves closer, feeling his heart beat begin to beat rapidly as he feels the thickness press against his hole. Jihoon shudders but pushes down, wanting the friction. Mingyu rubs his tip on Jihoon's entrance, and then pushes in. Jihoon groans at the stretch, feeling tingles all throughout his legs as his stomach clenches. His eyes slip shut, and he throws his head back as Mingyu slowly pushes in.

"Ung. Good boy, doing so well, look how easy you're taking it," Mingyu splutters breathlessly and Jihoon softly mewls and it mixes with a breathless moan. Jihoon tries to familiarise the feeling, but it's so painful that tears form behind his closed eyes and he's scared to open them. The stretch is too much. Jihoon doesn't want to dissapoint. He liked being a good boy. He liked being Mingyu's good boy, even if it was just for tonight. "So tight. So good. Good boy." Mingyu mewls in Jihoon's ear and the smaller boy shudders as goosebumps arise his skin. The pain is slowly subsiding as Mingyu stills deep inside Jihoon, and Jihoon finally opens his eyes. Tears pathetically stream down his cheeks into his hair and he gasps breathlessly when Mingyu shifts, drawing the taller boy's attention.

Mingyu reaches up and lightly swipes Jihoon's tears, then lightly caresses his face in his palm and leans in for a kiss that's softer then the rest. Jihoon sighs into the kiss, shakily reaching up to tangle his fingers in Mingyu's hair. After a long while of lazily making out, Jihoon experimentally shifts, gasping when he feels Mingyu's dick inside of his press tightly against his insides, a burn present but Jihoon knows he's ready. Mingyu groans, slowly circling his hips and Jihoon jolts and shivers, gasping and moaning with every motion.

"Mingyu...please," Jihoon moans out, lifting his legs to wrap around Mingyu's waist. The taller boy pulled out, mouth gaped as breaths escape from the pleasure flowing through his veins. Jihoon anticipates the thrust, and when it comes he is bounced upwards and he moans loudly, clawing at the taller boy's shoulders. Mingyu does it again, eliciting the same reaction. Jihoon is panting heavily, the burn subsiding as Mingyu thrusts more, his thighs shaking as he feels Mingyu so deeply as the taller gasps in his neck.

"You like that?" Mingyu gasps gruffly into Jihoon's ear, planting rough kisses near the jaw as he repeatedly thrusts, jolting the smaller boy who is moaning rather keenly and panting like crazy. Jihoon gasps loudly when Mingyu thrusts begin to come more rapidly, the sick sound of skin on skin resonating throughout the small apartment, the stench of alcohol floating around both men - and Jihoon nods. "Yes yes yes." Jihoon moans in a mantra, feeling himself become hot with sweat as Mingyu's intense body heat resonates with his own. He arches his back, pushing down onto Mingyu desperately. He feels tingly.

Mingyu's right hand detatches itself from gripping the bed sheets near Jihoon's head and instead trails down the shorter boy's body, caressing soft skin, making goosebumps appear on the smaller boy's hot skin, until he reaches Jihoon's dick, where he holds it in a tight grip, thrusts becoming a bit sloppy. Jihoon whines, his legs falling to the side as he pushes up into the tight grip but also attempts to push down onto Mingyu. Mingyu chuckles darkly, removing his grip around Jihoon, who whines in protest, and uses his hand to grip behind Jihoon's knee, pushing it up against the smaller boy's chest so the position changes into elevated hips and more exposure and the smaller boy groans. Mingyu shifts, lifting himself up, using his other hand to hold Jihoon's other leg up, amd experimentally thrusts, earning a loud whine from Jihoon who writhes on the sheets, chest red and sweat forming on his forehead.

Mingyu falls forward, keeping the position of his arms holding Jihoon's legs to his chest, but his hands planted on the bed, and then he begins to thrust rapidly. Jihoon moans with every thrust, feeling his edge near as he feels Mingyu impossibly deeper, hitting sensitive spots inside of him that make stars appear in his vision and toes curl. Mingyu is gasping above him, head hanging and hair hiding his expression, and he looks so attractive like this - on top of Jihoon, dominating him, fucking into him like oblivion, perfect melanin skin glowing from sweat and flushed red as deep gasps and growls escape him. Jihoon's hands take hold around Mingyu's wrists, and he drops his head back into the pillows and arches his back, the position altering just a bit, but when Mingyu growls and thrusts again, Jihoon's body curls as he moans his loudest, eyes shutting. Oh god.

"Did you find your sweet spot, baby?" Mingyu asks gruffly, and Jihoon pathetically nods against the pillows, whole body writhing desperately. Mingyu thrusts and finds the spot again, and Jihoon loses it as Mingyu thrusts faster in the same spot. His skin feels so uncomfortably hot and fire igniting his veins like a frenzy, his mind falls completely blank as he feels his edge oh so close. A few more thrusts, he's sure of it. Jihoon's breathing falters, moans cracking, but just before he's able to come, there's a hand tightly gripping the base of his dick, preventing him from doing so.

Jihoon nearly screams, eyes flying open and he claws into one of Mingyu's wrist with the hand still clamped around it and uses his other hand to grip the wrist around his dick. His eyes are dark as they stare up into an equally pair of dark eyes, and Jihoon wants to scream as Mingyu repeatedly thrusts in the same spot, precome leaking from his tip like a faucet.

"Say please," Mingyu says darkly, voice gravely and husky. Jihoon whines, writhing against the sheets as he feels his eyes burn from the stimulation but no release. "P-please, please, p-please, let me come," Jihoon stutters, the sentence nearly impossible to splutter out as his body shakes and mind clouds over. Mingyu's grip loosens, and instantly come is spurting onto Jihoon's stomach, and the smaller boy curls into himself as his sensitive parts are still being toyed with. Mingyu milks the orgasm out of him, and Jihoon splutters nonsense, body jolting as his dick burns from sensitivity. His grip around Mingyu's wrist is still strong, and he attempts to push the taller boy's hand off of his spot but whines when the boy only grips tighter, thumbing the sensitive slit, earning a cry from Jihoon, and then lets go altogether as tears from the overwhelming sensitivity takes a toll on the shorter boy who snivels against the bed, cheeks flushed a deep pink and tears rimming his eyes sweetly.

Mingyu thrusts into the boy, and Jihoon clenches around him, desperate to get the taller boy to release. A few more thrusts, Mingyu is coming with a groan, halting deep inside Jihoon and the shorter boy gasps as he feels the wetness inside of him, his shaking hands reaching to Mingyu's shoulders. Their eyes connect briefly before Mingyu is coming down to connect their lips, and Jihoon kisses back lazily and sloppy. Mingyu circles his hips slightly, Jihoon hissing from the sensitivity and bites the taller boy's bottom lip harder then expected, resulting in a groan from Mingyu. Jihoon pulls away and weakly chuckles, body aching to even consider standing.

After a while, Mingyu pulls out, Jihoon biting his lip as the burn becomes more prominent. Come slowly drips out of his hole, and Jihoon would've been disgusted and embarrassed but he's just so tired to even think twice about it. When Mingyu is off of him completely, the smaller boy shuts his eyes and curls into a ball, his back facing Mingyu as the taller boy leaves the bed. Just as Jihoon is about to fall asleep, the bed shifts and he feels a cold wash cloth dabbing against his stomach, and he hisses at the cold contrast against his hot skin, but he's pleased to be taken care of.

After a while, the bed shifts again, but this time there's a body caging Jihoon, arms snaking around his waist and the smaller boy is pathetic for leaning into the taller man, sighing tiredly as he feels a single kiss planted behind his ear and the world falls silent as sleep washes over him.

-

Jihoon wakes up to a phone ringing. It's buzzing on the floor, and for a moment the boy is confused about where he is. The cream coloured walls is a lot different then his white, stone walls back on campus. When he shifts, there's a dull pain on his backside and between his legs, and he softly groans as he sits up. His bones ache, and his skin feels dirty and there's a headache pounding against his skull - but deep down he knows he doesn't regret a single thing. The body next to him is still asleep, snoring under the thin bedsheet they used as a blanket as the comforter was discarded on the floor. The buzzing comes again, and Jihoon groans as he attempts to climb over the sleeping figure and does successfully without waking him up completely (the man does shift).

Jihoon steps on the carpeted floor, finding his jeans discarded on the ground and vibrating. He lowers himself to the ground, pulling his pants up and reaching in his pocket, pulling out his phone that was on 9% and buzzing with an incoming call from Jeonghan. The time read 7:09am and Jihoon rolled his eyes but answered the phone.

"Jihoon?! Why didn't you tell us you were leaving? Who did you leave with? Do you need us to come get you? Are you okay?" Jeonghan's voice was sleepy but filled with worry, it made Jihoon annoyed but happy that he had friends that cared. "Jeonghan, please. I'm fine. And if I don't recall, you basically abandoned me last night and I had to listen to Jun's sad story about his lack of friends. But I'm fine. I'm leaving now," Jihoon says with a sigh, crawling on his knees to gather up much of his clothing that he can. "Sorry about that, you know how Cheol is," Jeonghan apologizes and Jihoon hums in agreement. "But you sure you're fine?" Jeonghan asks once again, and Jihoon chuckles as much as his cracking morning voice allows him to. "Positive. I'll call you when I'm back at my dorm just to promise you I haven't been kidnapped." They bid their goodbyes and Jihoon hangs up the phone and sighs.

"Hm. Parents?" A sleepy voice asks from behind. Jihoon jumps, using his miscellaneous pile of clothes to hide his nakedness, knowing it's pointless but he can't help the embarrassment that creeps within him. "Um, something like that." Jihoon replies, cheeks heating up as he awkwardly sits on the floor, butt naked, with a pile of clothes on his lap. Mingyu hums in response, stretching as he sits up from his bed and then stands up. Jihoon flushes even more as he diverts his eyes from an equally nude Mingyu. The taller boy doesn't make any comments as he retreats to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Jihoon uses the time to put on his clothes.

He put on his underwear, finding his socks and t shirt under the bed and pulls them on, and as he's struggling to put his jeans on, Mingyu comes out of the bathroom, this time with underwear on. Jihoon adjusts the button on his jeans, eyeing Mingyu's bare chest from across the small apartment. Jihoon pockets his phone and proceeds to find his sweater and jacket as Mingyu watches.

"Hm. Will there be a time I would be able to see you again?" Mingyu asks, and Jihoon looks up from where he's digging under the bed for his sweater, and stands up as he pulls it out. "That depends," Jihoon replies with a hint of a flirtatious tone. "Oh? Depends on what?" Mingyu asks just as flirty as Jihoon, eyebrows raised as he makes his way towards the shorter boy. Jihoon shrugs, "Depends if I want to see you again." He says, emphasis on the I. Jihoon doesn't know where this sudden confidence came from, but the way Mingyu looks at him has his nerves calming down. The taller moves in closer, eyes glinting, attempts to grab ahold of the shorter boy's waist but makes it to the top of his hips because of the drastic height difference and Jihoon chuckles.

"Don't make a man beg." Mingyu says, pushing Jihoon back so the boy stumbles as the taller boy walks him against the wall. Jihoon raises his eyebrows, pushing his fringe away from his eyes. There's a desk near the bed a few feet from where they're standing, and Mingyu bends and picks up the shorter boy by the thighs, the latter squealing and wrapping his arms around the taller boy's neck as he's carried to the desk and is gently rested on top of it. Jihoon hums, his fingers carding through the taller boy's hair as they bore into each other's eyes. Mingyu stands between his legs, hands resting on Jihoon's thighs, and ever so slowly raises a hand to place under the smaller boy's chin. Jihoon's breath catches as their lips lock, the kiss sweet and rather pleasant.

Jihoon sighs, their tongues intertwining, Mingyu's hands gently scratching Jihoon's sides under his t shirt, eliciting shivers from the shorter boy. The sweet kiss lasts a few more seconds, Jihoon pulling away and looking up into Mingyu's soft eyes. The sun shining through the window illuminates the soft skin of the taller boy's face, making him appear more ethereal. The taller boy seems to be examining Jihoon's features also. Jihoon sighs softly yet again, connecting their lips once more.

The hands on Jihoon's bare skin grip his hips, and the shorter boy maliciously chuckles into the kiss, inching closer to the boy as much as he could without falling off the desk, wrapping his legs around Mingyu's waist as the kiss turns from soft and innocent to intense in a matter of seconds. Jihoon pulls away before it becomes much more intense, but Mingyu attacks his neck, and Jihoon softly moans as the taller boy plants soft kisses on his neck, the hickies still tender when lips connect with them that shivers run down Jihoon's spine. He arches his back uncontrollably, and Mingyu seems pleased as his hands roam down to Jihoon's thighs, rubbing them as they slide under and grip the thighs near the curve of his ass, fingers on the inside of Jihoon's thighs. Jihoon moans, feeling himself get shamelessly turned on.

But he could feel his ass protest, that he was sore and if they went further he would probably end up paralyzed (not literally, but he'd hate himself for fucking when he was sore). So he pushed Mingyu off gently, and the taller boy pulled away, though still holding onto Jihoon's thighs.

"Not so fast, sir. I don't fuck on the first date," Jihoon says, more as a joke, in attempt to prevent himself from leading Mingyu on when he knew it was best to not, in sake for his muscles. The lame joke surprisingly worked, though Mingyu laughed with a bit confusion and curiosity. "Is that so? You're asking for a date?" Mingyu asks, eyes glinting. Jihoon pouts. "Not exactly. I don't even know your full name," Jihoon says, and Mingyu chuckles, leaning to kiss the pout off Jihoon's face. "Kim Mingyu. You?"

"Lee Jihoon."

"Does this mean I could see you again?" Mingyu asks, a hint of hopefulness in his tone.

"Depends. I'll walk out of this complex, write down the address and you can possibly catch me by again soon if I feel like it," Jihoon says with a cheeky lip bite that earns the attention of Mingyu who mimics the action, more sexy and seductive though.

"Ugh. Can't you give me your number at least?" Mingyu protests.

"Next time. Maybe." Jihoon hops down the desk, moving past Mingyu and picking up his sweater and jacket off the floor where they fell when Mingyu made contact with him. He walks to the exit, unaware of Mingyu following. He picks up his shoes in his hands, opting to make a dramatic, quick exit that will give the impression of mystery and grunge, but his plans fall short as Mingyu swiftly turns him around and slams him against the door. Jihoon gasps, his gasp short as lips are roughly connected with his own. He's about to drop everything in his hands and fall like putty into Mingyu's hands, but the taller boy is pulling away after biting Jihoon's bottom lip. Jihoon's cheeks are flushed, but he attempts to act unbothered as he remains stoic as he could be as Mingyu smirks down upon him.

"Don't let the door hit you on your way out."


	2. fantastic baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn't a maybe, it was pathetic.
> 
> But then again, Jihoon was always irresponsible and pathetic when it came to situations like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooo smut again fuckOff I'm getting sick of smut the next chapter is not gonna be smut be aware  
> anyway hey again enjoy this chapter thanx for reading and commenting, saying that you wanted more. i appreaciate you all, esp when you @ me on twitter.  
> also sorry this chapter is way shorter then the first one, since this is becoming my first ever chaptered fan fiction, i think most chapters would be 5k words each  
> a new chapter will be soon x

Maybe it was pathetic. Jihoon shouldn't have been so strung up on a drunken fuck - a one night stand - no matter the promises and suggestions they made. He shouldn't have wanted to find the guy again, shouldn't have been thinking about him as he attempted to focus on school work but couldn't get the image of a tall, broad man with dark skin, dark hair and eye darker eyes on top of him, panting his name; dominating Jihoon into a quivering mess. Maybe it was the lack of sexual intercourse he's had in over 3 years that triggered his hormones to act like he was a pubescent teenager again, maybe Jihoon was attached to the guy because he's never had a one night stand before and he was irresponsible and pathetic.

It wasn't a maybe, it _was_ pathetic.

But then again, Jihoon was always irresponsible and pathetic when it came to situations like this.

That's why he was currently being pinned against the mattress, none other then Kim Mingyu's body caging him, preventing him from moving. Jihoon's hands tangled in Mingyu's dark hair as they shared a heated kiss, one of Mingyu's hand gently scratching the exposed skin of Jihoon's tummy. Jihoon felt the need to wrap his legs around Mingyu's waist, but the knees pinned to the bed on the outside of his thighs prevented him from moving n inch. Mingyu pulled away from the kiss, panting as he trailed kissed down Jihoon's jaw and neck, and Jihoon's eyes opened and he took in the oh so familiar apartment that was lighted by the sunset, reminding Jihoon that it was only 7 o'clock on a Wednesday and he was about to fuck a practical stranger.

The thought made Jihoon feel rebellious, and he began to rut up into nothing, desperate for some friction on his dick. Mingyu nibbled his collarbone, where there was a litter of hickies from the last time that have yet to fade completely. He bit into them, eliciting soft gasps from Jihoon and he sucked the red color back into the marks and Jihoon writhed against the warm sheets.

Jihoon's hand trail down from Mingyu's hair, gently gripping the taller boy's bicep and shivering when it flexes under his touch, his fingers gently skimming the exposed arm before lowering down to slide against the toned muscles of Mingyu's chest, the thin t shirt he wore not leaving much to Jihoon's imagination. His hand then went down to the waistband of Mingyu's joggers, fingers playing with the strings that hung, and he could hear Mingyu's breath quicken before he moved from Jihoon's neck. Their eyes connect briefly, and Jihoon bites his lip, fingers gently pushing through the elastic band of the joggers, and Mingyu growls, dragging Jihoon's lips in a rough kiss. Jihoon takes the chance to completely slide his hand down Mingyu's pants, cupping the hard erection in his hand through the underwear and Mingyu groaned into the kiss, hips pressing against Jihoon's hands roughly.

Jihoon could feel his own stomach churning in shocks of pleasure, desperate for any type of friction on himself as he plants his feet on the bed and ruts up into nothing. He palms Mingyu, hand feeling the heavy thickness, hot under his touch. Mingyu bites Jihoon's bottom lip harshly, and Jihoon whimpers, writhing as he cups the taller boy's dick. Mingyu's hand roams down Jihoon's body, shifting so his left knee squeezes between Jihoon's thighs, and he uses his hand to spread Jihoon's thighs and Jihoon catches on, spreading both legs so Mingyu could slot between them. Mingyu's hand then goes the the button of Jihoon's jeans, shamelessly popping off the button easily and sliding the zipper down.

Jihoon shivers, his hand leaving Mingyu's body completely as he uses both hands to begin tugging down his jeans, Mingyu helping by sitting upright on his calves and pulling the tight pants off Jihoon's short legs. Jihoon flushes furiously, his skin feeling much more hot as Mingyu eyes his body, the buldge in his underwear. The taller boy's hands roam up Jihoon's smooth, pale legs, feeling sparse hairs under his touch, and Jihoon shivers, panting as Mingyu gets much closer to his dick.

The sweater on his body feels like a burden, and Jihoon takes the chance as Mingyu admires his body to take off the grey sweater. He tugs it over his head, his t shirt almost coming off with the article of clothing. He tosses the sweater on the floor, and just as he's about to self-conciously tug his shirt down, he's stopped by Mingyu. The taller boy's eyes are filled with lust and something else Jihoon can't decipher, but his expression seems pleading, and Jihoon blushes as he allows Mingyu to take his shirt off. He's almost completely nude compared to the fully dressed Mingyu, and it feels odd but exciting, and Jihoon can't help but cover his chest out of reflex of not having a shirt on.

Mingyu noticed the action, and he's climbing up Jihoon's body, gently prying his hands away. " _Don't be shy, baby. Your body is lovely, I want to see it more_ ," Mingyu says, his voice low and huskier then usual, and Jihoon _shivers_ , his eyes slipping shut as he submits to Mingyu. Jihoon's hands are pinned above his head, dainty wrists trapped in a tight grip before the grip is removed isntantly and Jihoon's hands still stay in tact. He could feel Mingyu's hands all over his body, thumbs gently rolling over the soft pink nipples, eliciting soft moans from Jihoon, to gently running his hands down the sides of Jihoon's body, from his ribs down to his hips, gently squeezing the soft pudge on his stomach.

Jihoon flushes in embarassment, his eyes opening in small slits and he watches as Mingyu lowers himself and places soft kisses on Jihoon's chest, trailing down to his stomach. Jihoon moans, shivering as wet kisses are planted on sensitive parts on his body. " _Such a nice little boy, so smooth and so lovely_ ," Mingyu praises between kisses, and Jihoon shudders and writhes. His heart begins to beat rapidly, and his veins get much more hot. Jihoon's feet plant on the bed, and one of Mingyu's hands go down and isntantly grips his dick, and the boy jumps and gasps, hips pressing up into the touch as Mingyu praises his body. " _Came all this way just for me. Such a good boy, you know no one could treat you the way I do._ "

The tone drips admiration and Jihoon swears he could cry, but he nods instead, hands aching to reach down and tangle in the taller boy's hair but he keeps them in place above his head. "Only you," Jihoon says before he could proccess the words, and he blushes furiously as he could hear Mingyu smirk against his thigh. "Hm. I like that; you only wanting me. Baby boy, I want you too." Mingyu says between Jihoon's legs, and Jihoon's eyes open slightly, and he nearly gasps at the sight of Mingyu's face near his dick, his hand gently palming him through his underwear and his eyes - goddamnit, those dark eyes glued to Jihoon's pretty face. It's like Mingyu is devouring him with his eyes, and Jihoon moans, hips circling as he begins to writhe on the bed.

Mingyu instantly holds him down, and Jihoon whines in protest, and the taller boy sits up to his knees, eyes much darker and Jihoon comes to a slow halt. " _Desperate boys don't get what they want any faster. Be a good boy, and you'll be rewarded._ " Mingyu says, and Jihoon swears he could lose all of his sanity in that moment but he nods anyway, desperate but also wanting to please. Mingyu smirks, hands then going to the hem of Jihoon's udnerwear and pulling the fabric down. Jihoon jolts when cold hair hits his hot dick, shyly closing his legs to shield his parts from exposure.

Mingyu tosses the udnerwear on the floor, and he comes back and gently pries Jihoon's legs open, and the shorter boy groans as he reluctantly spreads his legs (hey, this was consensual, he was just a self-concious person and being sober instead of intoxicated like last time was a lot different). " _Perfect. You're such a good boy. So pretty,_ " Mingyu says, and Jihoon feels good about the praise, his heart beating even faster as lighting flows through his veins.

Jihoon feels some sort of disconnect with his mind. Like, he's here and he's consenting to everything, but a apart of him is not himself: that part of him is weak, pliant, _submissive_. It freaks Jihoon out that he wants to be a good boy, he never thought he'd have that type of kink. But as Mingyu praises him for being so good, he can't help but want more.

Mingyu's hand grips his dick, and Jihoon can't help but thrust upwards, and he's glad Mingyu doesn't hold his hips down. He pants, sweat already forming on his forehead and chest flushing heavily. Mingyu jerks him off, paying attention mostly to the head, where his thumb runs over the slit with every jerk and it had Jihoon's body almost consulving as pathetic moans and whimpers take over him.

"Please please, I need - need y-you," Jihoon says, flushing madly at his own words. He's desperate - he wants Mingyu badly, and his body is on fire. "Oh? Well, because you're a good boy today -(Jihoon knows he wasn't - he made Mingyu pin him down to the bed, but maybe Mingyu was just as desperate as Jihoon was)- I'll give it to you." The way Mingyu phrased it has Jihoon shivering, goosebumps loitering his body as his cheeks heat up.

Jihoon's eyes open, and he watches as Mingyu takes off his shirt swiftly, dark skin exposed and Jihoon wants to touch his toned chest and flat stomach. Mingyu's eye catches Jihoon, and Jihoon pathetically circles his hips, the action making Mingyu narrow his eyes. Jihoon feels the urge to touch Mingyu, once wasn't enough.

Jihoon sits up, his arms aching from being in the same position for so long, but he's quick to roam his hands on the smooth planes of Mingyu's body while the taller boy lets the shorter boy touch him. Jihoon can't help but shift so he's on his knees, Mingyu in the same position but over towering him, and the shorter boy tugs at the hem of the black joggers. He can see the outline of Mingyu's erection through the material, and he's more desperate to rid the taller of the clothes. Mingyu pulls down his joggers, and Jihoon immediately pulls down his underwear and watches as his dick springs free, the head tapping against Mingyu's stomach and Jihoon reaches to grip it, looking up at Mingyu who's looking down at him, mouth parted and small pants escaping.

Mingyu is way bigger then Jihoon. Their dicks had a good two and and a half inches between their size, and Mingyu was thicker too. It seems everything is small about Jihoon and everything is big about Mingyu, and the size difference between the both of them has Jihoon shivering and feeling even more submissive.

Jihoon jerks Mingyu off at a steady pace, neglecting his own dick that's throbbing against his thighs to focus on Mingyu, who is panting above him. Again, Jihoon looks up at Mingyu, eyes wide and innocent, dyed bangs falling over his eyes, and Mingyu can't contain himself. He brings Jihoon in a rough kiss, and the smaller boy easily submits to being pushed down against the mattress, eyes glimmering with lust as Mingyu spreads his legs and runs a dry finger over his hole. Jihoon's hole flutters and the shorter boy gasps.

Mingyu is reaching towards the nightstand, digging through the top drawer and pulling out a bottle that's almost empty. He's quick to lube up his fingers as Jihoon watches, biting his lip. Jihoon spreads his legs wider when Mingyu comes back between his legs, and he bites his lip as he watches Mingyu's face when the boy circles a lubed finger at his entrance. Jihoon moans when Mingyu pushes his finger in, pushing all the way to the kuckle and heat fills Jihoon's veins as he attempts to get used to the feeling. Jihoon groans when another finger is quickly added, but he takes them with ease. His hands reach to grip the back of his knees, pulling his legs closer to his chest and giving more access. Mingyu bites his lip at the gesture, and he scissors Jihoon's hole, gently pressing against the walls. Jihoon pants, his dick leaking with precome.

Mingyu adds a third finger, and that's when Jihoon could feel the burn. The stretch is always painful, and today is no exception but Jihoon takes it and wills the pricks behind his eyes to go away. He jolts when Mingyu presses something inside of him that isn't exactly the spot but the sensation gives tingles throughout Jihoon's body and he shudders and gasps, hips arching just a bit as Mingyu smirks and proceeds to stretch him.

After a few minutes of stretching, Jihoon feels desperate to be filled with not just fingers, but Mingyu. Oh how shameful it would be if anyone found out about that thought.

"Now. N-now, please. I need y-you, now," Jihoon begs, flushing at his own desperate self. His skin is hot and the way Mingyu's eyes glue to his own has Jihoon feeling small. " _Calm down, baby. Need you to feel good, can't have that if I don't prep you enough,_ " Mingyu says and though Jihoon admires the caringness Mingyu has towards him even with three fingers in his ass, he can't handle it longer. He's desperate. "Please, I-I'm ready, promise." Jihoon whines, pressing against the fingers and readjusting his grip behind his knees. Mingyu takes his word, and he slips out all three fingers, and Jihoon clenches around nothing as his cheeks heat up at the exposure.

Mingyu places a hand on Jihoon's ass, gently squeezing the flesh, and pulling, exposing his hole even more and he watches as it flutters. Jihoon blushes again, and Mingyu's eyes fleet up towards the boy's face, admiring the flushes cheeks and messy hair. Jihoon watches as Mingyu then lubes himself up, pushing the joggers down more before prompting to remove them completely, shifting the bed and tossing the articles of clothing on the floor. He comes back between Jihoon's legs, and the shorter boy preps himself by spreading his legs more but also holding his knees further into his chest.

Jihoon gasps at the blunt head against his hole, panting when Mingyu taps his dick against his perineum, then presses against his hole again. Jihoon groans when Mingyu begins to push in, the stretch more prominent and painful. A dick is a lot thicker then three fingers, Jihoon, suck it up! Jihoon shut his eyes as they burned when Mingyu began pushing more, stretching and filling Jihoon more then he exepcted. The boy groaned and cried, whimpering as his thighs shook from the burn.

When Mingyu had his hips against Jihoon's thighs, the shorter boy released the breath he didn't know he was holding, and his skin felt way hotter and his veins felt like they were on fire. Mingyu was panting, shifting just a bit causing Jihoon to cry out. But Jihoon knew he could take it. If he took it once, he can take it again.

After a couple minutes of Mingyu panting and Jihoon adjusting, though there was still a prominent burn, Jihoon told Mingyu to move.

"Move. I-I'm ready, move, please."

Mingyu groaned, pulling out ever so slightly, causing Jihoon to whimper, and pushing in before circling his hips. Jihoon cried out at the sensation, hands letting go of his knees and instead reaching up to grip Mingyu's biceps. Mingyu bit his lip, pulling out again, until he was only in by the tip, before slamming in. Jihoon cried out, scrambling to hold on Mingyu's sshoulders, blunt nails digging into the taut skin as Mingyu did the action again, eliciting more cries from Jihoon.

When the pain subsided into pleasure after a few more experimental thrusts, Jihoon began pressing into Mingyu, his cries transforming into moans and whimpers. Mingyu notices the changes, and he starts off gentle, going slow to let Jihoon adjust even more. "M-more, hard-der, please," Jihoon sighs out, wrapping his legs around Mingyu's waist. " _Anything for my polite boy._ " Mingyu murmers, and Jihoon shivers.

The pace changes from slow to fast rather quickly, and Jihoon gasps with every thrust, fingers tugging at Mingyu's hair, the taller boy gently kissing his neck. Jihoon presses into every thurst, jolting when he felt Mingyu deep inside him, groaning at the sensation and whimpering when Mingyu's tongue licked stripes on his neck. The thrusts became more fast, and Jihoon whimpers, feeling his edge near and he reaches down to touch himself, but Mingyu roughly grabbed his hand and pinned it above his head, and Jihoon cried out as he writhed against Mingyu's thrusts.

"Good boys don't touch themselves unless they ask," Mingyu snarls, and Jihoon cries again but nods, feeling his dignitity slip further away as he moans into Mingyu's hair. Mingyu suddenly pulls out, and the loss has Jihoon gasping and scratching Mingyu's shoulders. There's hands on Jihoon's waist, flipping him over and Jihoon groans, getting into the new position on his hands and knees quickly. Mingyu has a hand pressed on Jihoon's back between his shoulder blades and he applies enough pressure that Jihoon gets the hint and falls face first into the pillows, ass displayed up in the air.

Mingyu admires the new view, cupping Jihoon's cheeks before pressing his thumb into Jihoon's hole, eliciting a low whimper from the boy below who buries his sounds into his arm. Mingyu presses against Jihoon's hole, watches as it flutters open and easily takes Mingyu in again. The position is different, and Jihoon groans loudly when Mingyu begins thrusting, his toes curling as his thighs shake and stomach clench.

Jihoon keeps his face buried in the pillows, pushing back with every thrust as he groans and whimpers helplessly, Mingyu's hands gripping his hips tightly. Then Mingyu's thrust becomes sloppy, and Jihoon is shook when he feels a hand grip his hair tightly, pulling at the sweaty strands that Jihoon is forced to lift himself up into his hands to prevent pain in his scalp. The new angle has Mingyu hitting right at the spot inside Jihoon that has him seeing stars, and he cries loudly and shakes. The hand gripping his hair slips down to his neck, and Jihoon feels himself turned on by the dominance as he's forced to bend his neck back, the grip around his neck making his splutter and groans come out chopped.

Mingyu slams harder into Jihoon's spot, and the smaller boy is overwhelmed with pleasure and his edge is so so near. Mingyu's hand around his neck loosens, and Jihoon gasps, his head dropping low as he pushes back into Mingyu's thrusts desperately. His arms are shaking, and he doesn't know how much longer he can hold himself up.

Suddenly, there's and arm wrapping around his shoulders, lifting Jihoon up so he was forced onto his knees. The position was odd, but when Jihoon laid back into Mingyu's chest, he felt himself coming without warning. Come splattered on his stomach but also fell into the sheets, and he moaned throughout his orgasm, and Jihoon felt a strong urge to touch himself to work himself out of it, but Mingyu beat him to it; wrapping a hand around Jihoon's dick, resulting in more come spurting out.

Jihoon fell back down to his hands, then fell face first into the pillows out of exhaustion and let Mingyu use his body to work himself into orgasm no matter how sensitive he felt. He heard Mingyu's breathing become more laboured and Jihoon clenched around Mingyu, small groans escaping his lips as sensitivity rang throughout his body. Suddenly, Jihoon was flipped onto his back, and he felt his own come sticking onto his back from the sheets, but when Mingyu pressed back into him and gripped his face to kiss him roughly, feeling the come spurt in his ass had him forgetting about the mess that is himself. Mingyu bit his bottom lip as he emptied himself into Jihoon, and the smaller boy fell limp against the bed, but he kissed back with just as much passion.

After a while of making out, Mingyu pulled out of Jihoon, and the shorter boy sighed deeply out of contentment as his head fell into the pillows and he felt his eyes slip shut. When the bed shifted and weight was off the bed, Jihoon opened his eyes. He suddenly realized how much darker it got. There was no more sunset, instead the moon was shining through the window along with streetlights. Jihoon looked at the bedside table, and nearly cursed when he saw it was almost 9pm. He should be back on campus now, especially when it was a half hour bus ride. Jihoon forced himself out of the bed, gathering his clothes that were scattered on the floor. As he slipped on his underwear and was just struggling to put on his jeans, the bathroom door opened.

Jihoon stopped in his tracks as Mingyu stared at him.

"You're leaving?"

Oh shit.

Jihoon bites his lip. "Should I?" He asks, though he knows he should. He has class tomorrow, and wasn't this a one night stand again? He should leave if it was one. "I mean, if you want, you can."

Oh.

 _Oh._ Jihoon feels overwhelmed. He doesn't know what to do. He kind of just wants to sleep, and even though Mingyu didn't say it, he wanted Jihoon to stay too, but he doesn't know how to handle this situation. Jihoon slumps against the floor, deep in thought, unaware that he even fell. Mingyu holds in a chuckle.

"Stay. If you want. Or if you want to or have to leave, you can."

Jihoon suddenly looks up at Mingyu across the small apartment. "Stay?"

" _Stay_."

-

When Jihoon wakes up, there's an ache in his back and light shining brightly through the window. It takes Jihoon a few minutes for his eyes to adjust, but when they do he realizes he's not in his dorm. Oh no. He's in an apartment. Mingyu's apartment.

Jihoon shifts, though the weight around his waist prevents him from doing more then shift just a bit. He pushes the arm off from around his waist, resulting in Mingyu to shift but not wake up. Jihoon sits up, the blanket falling off of him, exposing his bare chest. He checks the clock on the nightstand, eyes nearly bulging out of their eye sockets as he sees the time. If he leaves now he can make it back to his dorm just on time to get his work and head to his first class.

Jihoon scoots to the edge of the bed, lucky that Mingyu slept against the wall this time so he didn't have to climb over the sleeping boy this time. He gathers his clothes, slipping on his jeans and buttoning them. He reaches for his shirt, but a sudden thought goes through his mind. Instead, he drops the shirt on the floor, putting on just his sweater instead. He looks for his socks, because it's still winter and he doesn't want to have cold ankles. But he can't find them as much as he searched the small apartment, so he digs around Mingyu's wardrobe, pulling out a pair of rolled up socks from one of the drawers.

Once Jihoon is dressed, he looks at the boy sleeping on the bed, dark hair messy against the pillow and face, his dark skin glowing heathily in the sunlight. He looks utterly stunning, and Jihoon finds himself pathetically attractive.

Jihoon digs through the desk (a flashback of being sat on top of it while Mingyu kissed him flashes through his mind but he pushes such thoughts out) and he pulls out a piece of post-it notes and a pen. He scribbles a quick note, ripping the post-it note out of the pack and placing it on the pillow he slept on, picking up his shirt from the floor and tossing the article of clothing over the spot he slept on also.

Jihoon left quickly after that, closing the door ever so softly.

\--

Mingyu woke up to an empty bed. He was dissapointed to say the least, but when his hand roamed the place his late night lover rested, he was surprised when his hand touched a piece of paper. He sat up in the bed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he picked up the bright orange post-it note and read what was scribbled on it.

_Lee Jihoon_  
_xxx-xxx-xxxx_  
_txt me sometime :)_  
_p.s i left my shirt i need it back ;)_

Mingyu felt himself grinning at the note, his eyes fleeting to the shirt on the bed. He picked up the white fabric, almost cooing at the small article of clothing (it was literally size medium mens but it still fit loose on the boy, what the heck). Mingyu swore his heart fluttered, but he pushed the dumb feelings down and instead fell back into the bed.

-

"Jihoon! Where have you been?" Jeonghan asks when Jihoon walks into language class. Wonu is sitting beside him, looking rather displeased. "Excuse me?" Jihoon questions. "The project! It's due today! Wonu and I went to your dorm because you said we'd study at Wonu's dorm but you didn't show up and when we went to yours you weren't even there!" Jeonghan reaches over the desk and begins to shake Jihoon by the shoulders as the boy's soul leaves his body. Students stare but don't say a word - Jeonghan was always loud and they learned to live with it.

"Did you at least do your part?"

"No. I want to know where Ji's been. He's never out of his dorm on weekdays," Wonu says, who's been calm about the whole ordeal unlike Jeonghan who looks very displeased. Jihoon's body sucks back his soul and he narrows his eyes at Wonu, who looks rather suspicious. "I was out with a new friend, that's all you need to know," Jihoon says, which is the truth because afterall they don't need to know what exactly he was doing with said new friend. "And I forgot. I swear. I'll take the blame-"

"Damn right you are!" Jeonghan yells.

-

Lucky for Jihoon, the project only accounted for 5 percent of his grade, and his average of 92 went down to 87.

-

When Jihoon arrives to his dorm, Jeonghan, Wonu, and Jun in tow (they met Jun after class, who had mathematics), he sighs and drops his bag to the ground. He feels like he should shower. Plus he's wearing the same clothes from yesterday. Jeonghan flops down into Jihoon's bed, nose stuffed in his phone (probably texting Seungcheol) and Jihoon feels his pocket vibrate.

He take out his phone (that's on 9%) and sees he has a text from an unknown number. Jihoon unlocks his phone, confused. But when he sees the text he wants to scream.

_Hey Jihoon, it's Mingyu ;)_  
_I was wondering if you want to hang out this Friday? ;)_

Jihoon freaks out, and it must be obvious despite his freak out being internal, because suddenly Jeonghan is throwing a pillow at him. "Dude, who's texting you that made you lose your shit?"

That catches Jun and Wonu's attention, and Jihoon glares at all of them. "My friend. I told you guys I have a new friend," Jihoon says as he types back a reply.

_Sure, can't wait until then ;)_

Just as he hits send, Jihoon's phone is ripped out of his hands. He screams as Jeonghan holds the phone up, higher then Jihoon could reach. The boy is screaming as he attacks Jeonghan, and the phone is snatched out of Jeonghan's hands by Jun, who tosses it to Wonu. Jihoon hides his face in shame as Wonu reads the text.

"Who's Mingyu?" Wonu asks, teasingly as Jeonghan shouts "what?!" and snatches the phone out of Wonu's hands, reading the text with Jun peeking over and then barks out a laugh.

"Shit Ji, you getting some on Friday? _You both sent winky faces_ , the fuck?" Jeonghan laughs and Jihoon falls to the floor as his soul leaves his body once again. "But who's Mingyu? Do I know him? Does he go to our university? How old is he?" Wonu asks, and Jihoon takes a few minutes to calm down. He's so embarassed, and Wonu asking questions does not help. "I don't know. I don't know anything about him," Jihoon moans on the floor, his gut clenching at the sudden realization that he knows absolutely nothing about the man he's been drawn to since he met him, and everyone raises their eyebrows. "But you hung out with him yesterday? What did you guys do if you guys didn't even talk about each other?" Jun asks, and though it might seem pretty obvious, Jihoon's glad his friends aren't smart enough to piece two and two together.

But it seems Wonu is, because the boy is screaming.

"You did not!? Jihoon, tell me you're a lot smarter then this, you did not do what I think you just did!" Wonu is yelling, shocking everyone because the boy is usually quiet. Jihoon knows what Wonu is talking about, and he sinks into the floor and screams. Wonu screams too, and Jeonghan and Jun are shook as they watch their adult friends scream on the floor.

"I want to get to know him, I swear! Maybe this hangout on Friday would actually be a hang out and let us talk about each other," Jihoon whines, his words muffled by his arm. Everyone seems to have caught on, and Jeonghan bursts out laughing. "Holy shit, you fucked a guy without knowing him first? That's so unlike you, Lee Jihoon, but it's so funny," Jeonghan says between laughs. "Twice," Jihoon corrects, knowing it was now or never to spill the truth and denying that it actually felt good to tell his friends. "Twice? Damn, Lee, you're freakier then we thought." Jeonghan jokes, and Jun, the heterosexual, rolls his eyes.

Jihoon feels like his soul has left his body for good, and his friends are laughing and screaming at his dilemma. He almost doesn't hear his phone vibrate, but when it does he bombards Wonu and knocks him over as he tears his phone out of Wonu's grip and reads the text.

_Good. Can't wait to see my good boy then ;)_

Yeah. Jihoon's soul has permanently left his body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooo 3/6 of jihoons friends know about mingyu i wonder how the next chapter would be am i rite lol please keep reading this and commenting im really lonely


	3. i don't recall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon knew Mingyu was hard to open up, heck, even have a decent conversation with. But straight? Ha. Mingyu was anything but.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i said this will be posted on wednesday, but i only got it finished. aha. anyway, it's spring break and i'm working on something for verkwan. i've always wanted to write verkwan. idk if it'll be a chaptered fic or a one shot. 
> 
> thanx for reading!! <3 i appreciate all comments and kudos. xx

Jihoon never thought he'd have to tell his friends about a person he met and began having, well, casual sex with without knowing anything about the man other then his name. It was a bit awkward at first when the hype of adrenaline of receiving suggestive texts from aforementioned man left and he was faced with reality again. Jeonghan found the whole situation hilarious, much to Jihoon's dismay, and Wonu found it stupid, and Jun - being the heterosexual he was - wasn't interested one bit. But just because Jun wasn't interested doesn't mean he wasn't curious to say the least. It was pretty scandalous, especially coming from Jihoon, who had the image of being pure and thought-out. But word obviously got out in their small group, and Thursday evening on campus, there was loud banging ricocheting throughout Jihoon's dorm.

Jihoon answered the door hesitantly, shook at the loudness, but was instantly shoved to the side as Jeonghan, Jisoo, Seungcheol, and Soonyoung came barging into his dorm. They weren't angry - none of them were - they just sucked at controlling themselves.

"Excuse me? Any reason why you're here at 8pm?" Jihoon asks, because he was planning to finish his extra writing homework he got assigned for failing his project and shower and then maybe go to bed. Jeonghan only laughs, but the tone is dead and flat and Seungcheol narrows his eyes at his boyfriend, before turning over to face Jihoon. "Yeah. We want you to tell us about this Mingyu person that Jeonghan wouldn't shut up about yesterday." Seungcheol says, lip twitching as Jeonghan sighed and flopped himself on Jihoon's bed. Jihoon immediately felt embarrassed.

"Why do you guys want to know?" Jihoon loudly exclaimed, face flushing as he hid behind his hands, earning snickers from his friends. "Because - because this is so unlike you. Leaving campus to have sex with a stranger," Jeonghan cuts in, and Jihoon flushes even more as his stomach twists. "I only left campus once! And there's things that not everyone needs to know about me," Jihoon cries, the temptation to run and hide in his tiny dorm bathroom very prominent within him as his friends stare at him. "Oh, like how you're a freaky fuck?" Soonyoung teases, causing everyone but him and Jihoon to burst into laughter.

In the end, Jihoon was forced to tell his friends. From meeting on Friday night and going back to Mingyu's apartment, to their second and recent visit - yesterday. Of course he didn't go into detail like how Mingyu is a kinky fuck and Jihoon was learning to adore that and felt completely submissive because they really didn't need to know that much. All while his friends soaked up all of his words like sponges, and it was a bit awkward to have all the attention on him.

"It's basically your guys' fault," Jihoon says when he's finished explaining enough for his friends to stop asking. "What? Nonsense!" Jeonghan looks offended, like he didn't lure Jihoon out to the bar and abandoned him which resulted in the boy mingling and eventually going so a strangers house to fuck, when, rhetorically, they kind of did (also kind of Jihoon's fault for agreeing to go out - and worse: agreeing to go home with Mingyu). "Um. Whatever, it's not like any of this is too bad, right?" Jisoo says, though his tone is wary and concerned. "Oh, it's probably bad since he's trying to blame us." Seungcheol snaps, and Jihoon shoves his hyung (honours were the last thing in his mind right now).

"No, no it's not bad," Jihoon clarifies. It really wasn't. He enjoyed what he and Mingyu did (too much, he might add), but the only thing he could say was bad was that they didn't know each other in the slightest way possible. Mingyu could be underage or older then Jihoon by 15 years, he could be the most boring person ever or way too adventurous - he could have an STD. Jihoon really needs to get to know Mingyu before they could proceed with their fucked up relationship (Jihoon doesn't know what they are; friends? Hook ups? Lovers?). "It's just really complicated and I feel the need to blame someone other then myself." Jihoon pouted, looking at all of his friends.

It's quiet in the room, hushed conversation between Jihoon's friends the only thing that could be heard and oh yes - they're talking about the entirety of what it's like to have one night stands (of course, it's not like any of them have gotten pathetically attached to one). Then there's vibration. Jihoon is quick to whip out his phone from his pocket, but he frowns as he sees it's not coming from him. He looks up to see Jisoo typing rapidly, a faint smile painted on his face. Then the boy stands up.

"Sorry guys, I gotta go. I promised Hansol I'd meet him at the library before curfew," Jisoo says, causing the group of friends to erupt in inappropriate assumptions and blatant laughter. "For homework! I swear," Jisoo says, his face turning pink as everyone ignores his excuse. Just as Jisoo is about to leave, Jeonghan and Seungcheol stand up. "We should leave too, it's getting pretty late," Jeonghan says. Jihoon nods, bidding goodbye to his friends who all bid him well and to be healthy.

Jihoon is about to head for the shower when he is shocked by Soonyoung still here. The boy is sitting at Jihoon's desk, looking expectantly at Jihoon who holds his hand over his rapidly beating heart from the scare. "Dude! Get out." Jihoon says, faux annoyance feigning his words. He and Soonyoung were pretty much close that all honours and formalities were thrown out the window - it didn't matter that Soonyoung was the hyung, he was a dickhead to Jihoon as much as Jihoon was to him (but in the end, they were really best friends who knew each other better then other people probably will ever).

Soonyoung narrowed his already small eyes, then stood up. "Are you sure you're well? Like this guy is not forcing you, or even hurting you?" Soonyoung asks, concern drenched through the words and Jihoon's eyes widened. "No! I was joking about wanting to blame someone," Jihoon clarifies, and Soonyoung stares at him. "I promise. You'll be the first to know if this guy does anything remotely horrible." Jihoon promises, just to help get Soonyoung off the edge. It seems to work, because Soonyoung is smiling.

They bid their goodbyes, and Jihoon goes to bed feeling weightless.

-

Jihoon knows what was going to happen. Maybe that's why he offered to go to a place on Friday when he was supposed to meet up with Mingyu - not particularly anywhere special, if meeting at a run down café was anything. He wanted to test the waters, to see if Mingyu wanted more then just sex (Jihoon was hopeless, he couldn't deny that) but what surprised Jihoon more was that Mingyu agreed.

And now Jihoon was waiting in said café, eyes fleeting to the door whenever it opened but heart calming when he sees it's not Mingyu. It's passed 5pm, Jihoon was early so he can't blame anyone but himself for waiting nearly half an hour. It was also pathetic because that showed how desperate he was. He couldn't help but tug at his clothes uncomfortably, his sweater sticking to his skin because of the nervous sweat he was producing.

The café doors opened, and Jihoon caught sight of oh so familiar dark hair, tan skin, and everything screamed dark. He forced himself to tear his eyes away before Mingyu could see him staring, and he pretended like he didn't notice Mingyu walking in by playing with his fingers in his lap. When the chair was being pulled back, Jihoon looked up before politely standing and bowing.

"Hey." Jihoon greets informally, ignoring his shaky hands. God, he had sex with the guy two times but he's acting like it's his first time approching him. Mingyu returns the gesture and they both sit down.

"So why'd you suggest we meet at the café?" Mingyu asks rather shamelessly, and Jihoon can't help but flush. Maybe Mingyu really only wanted sex. He couldn't help but feel a little bit upset, but he attempted to act mature (what even was mature about messing around with a guy like they were both teenagers?) and shrugged. "I didn't eat... Plus, I kind of wanted to get to know you a bit." Jihoon says, and he curses himself internally when his voice wavers. He attempted to play it cool, casual, like he didn't really care, but Mingyu seems to catch on his nervousness and reaches across the table to take his hand.

Jihoon freezes, his cold hand contrasting Mingyu's warm hand, and the taller boy acts upon the gesture like it's nothing - like he totally didn't just make Jihoon's heart begin to beat more rapidly, and he pulls his hand away after rubbing his thumb once over the soft skin of Jihoon's knuckles.

"Of course. I figured we should too," Mingyu says, surprising Jihoon once again, but he continues and Jihoon cringes. "Since we-" _Oh no, please stop._ "had sex twice in one week." Jihoon wants the floor to open up and swallow him. He hides his flushed face in embarrassment as he splutter incoherent words and Mingyu just smirks like the fucking idiot he is.

"Great," Jihoon comments rather grimly, face distorted in uncomfortableness as Mingyu continues smirking. God, Jihoon kind of wants to snap at him to wipe the smirk off of his face. "Really great." Jihoon says again as he attempts to regain some composure.

Silence falls between the boys, and Jihoon tries to poke the awkward bubble by chuckling but it makes things even more awkward and Mingyu shifts. _Jesus. Did Mingyu not know how to talk? Is this was Jihoon signed up for? Awkward, half-assed conversations?_ Jihoon decided not to judge the situation - it was slightly awkward and he knows anyone in this situation (situation being meeting a guy and having drunken kinky sex, twice, without knowing anything other than their name) would be awkward too.

"So," Jihoon bites his tongue and Mingyu's dark eyes flicker up to his. "What's your age? Yeah, let's start with that." Jihoon asks, mumbling the last part. The look on Mingyu's face is cunning and slightly unfathomable and Jihoon fears the taller boy might be way older or younger then expected.

"22."

Oh.

" _Oh_."

Jihoon is 23. That's not bad. Though, for some reason, Jihoon expected Mingyu to be older.

"I'm 23," Jihoon admits. Mingyu's eyes widen just a bit, almost unnoticeable. "Really? Wow. No offence, I thought you were way younger." Jihoon narrows his eyes. He had a baby face, and he barely reached 5'5", yeah he could admit he wasn't sexy and was rather cute, but god. Did everyone really think he was 15 instead of 23, like Jeonghan informed him once? At the realization, he narrows his eyes more darkly at Mingyu.

"What? You thought I was some underage boy?" The meaning and rather blunt, and Mingyu catches on right away but he looks rather unaffected. "To be honest, yeah. Not too young, but at least 17 the youngest," Mingyu admits rather shamelessly. This has Jihoon's cheeks reddening in anger and embarrassment. "Hey, but I swear I'm not a pedophile. I don't look around for little boys," Mingyu says in self-defence and Jihoon decides to drops the topic with a blunt "whatever."

"You're quite feisty," Mingyu examines, and Jihoon's face flushes as he attempts to remain stoic. "No, you are. Like, you could be intimidating, but you're not to me because I literally had you begging under me-" Jihoon slams his hands on the table, causing eyes around them to stare in their direction and he ignores everyone in the café as he glares at Mingyu from across the table, face red in embarrassment as, like always, Mingyu looks unfazed. "Stop. Stop, please." Jihoon begs, and Mingyu only grins, sharp teeth on display and Jihoon wants the hole in the ground he imagined earlier to swallow him. Now.

"Great. I'm assuming we've had enough time learning the basics about each other; you're the feisty hyung who looks like a pubescent boy, and I'm the straight forward dongsaeng who could appear to be your father. Want to go back to my apartment?"

Jihoon bites his lip as he flushes once more. There's so much more Jihoon wanted to cover; name and age just aren't enough. But Mingyu looks rather bored, and though Jihoon is slightly hurt, he hesitantly agrees. Mingyu then smiles, standing up from the table and the couple abandon Jihoon's cold coffee as they walk down the streets in winter nights of Seoul.

Ah, fuck it. Jihoon decided that Mingyu will be nothing more then a casual fuck.

-

When the couple arrive to Mingyu's apartment (with a taxi ride that consisted of Jihoon sulking and Mingyu conversing with the driver instead), Mingyu is stunned to stop in his tracks when he opens his apartment door. Jihoon is behind him, and he can't exactly see what has Mingyu shook.

"Hey Ming, I know it's Friday but I'm going back to my hometown tomorrow for my mom's birthday and I won't be back until Sunday night and I need your help with my journalism assignment. It's due Monday morning."

Oh.

Mingyu looks back at Jihoon rather awkwardly, and from the small space between Mingyu and the door, Jihoon catches a glimpse of a boy, who looks young and tired. Jihoon suddenly gets the wrong impression, but he's silent about it as his fist clenches. Mingyu sighs, looking away from Jihoon and then proceeds to take off his coat and shoes. He motions for Jihoon to do the same, and Jihoon does, despite his gut twisting.

The new arrival has the boy on the bed sitting up straight. Jihoon ignores the fact that the sheets haven't been changed since his last visit, and the boy is literally sitting where Jihoon comed.

"Hello! I'm Lee Chan!" The boy greets rather enthusiastically. His eyes squint into slits when he smiles, and Jihoon has no choice but to smile back out of good manners. "Hey. I'm Jihoon." Jihoon says, and Mingyu shifts.

"Chan, I told you I'm not in journalism. Why couldn't you ask Seungkwan for help? You're both literally going to the same university and have the same journalism course," Mingyu says, and Jihoon could tell how comfortable the taller is when talking to Chan compared to him and he attempts not to be envious. "Tried it. He's with Seokmin doing whatever sunshines do on Friday night, probably at a children's hospital giving candy to the sick kids or something." Chan strikes back, and Jihoon can't help the snicker that comes out. That has Chan looking excitingly up at him, and Jihoon can't help but admit maybe this Chan kid isn't so bad.

In the end, Jihoon is the one helping Chan with his journalism assignment, despite never taking any courses for that subject. Jihoon catches on quickly, and he's helping Chan write an article. Mingyu has stalked off to his desk, typing furiously on his laptop and once when Jihoon looked back he saw Mingyu's laptop opened on a word document, probably taking this time to catch up on work too.

Chan is a funny kid, smart too. His major is dance, but his plan B is journalism, and he's in his first year of university, attending the same university as Jihoon himself (though Chan had morning and evening classes, Jihoon only had afternoon classes). Jihoon never told Chan they went to the same university though, for reasons that may never be revealed. Jihoon learns that Chan is 18, he lives in a double dorm across campus from Jihoon's single dorm, and his idol is Michael Jackson, all while helping the boy write his paper in the span of two hours. Mingyu has never once left his desk since then, nor did he voluntarily speak to Jihoon or Chan.

By 7:45, two hours and twenty minutes since Jihoon and Mingyu arrived, the taller boy gets up and stretches. Jihoon's attention is immediately on him, peering up through the papers he has in his hands as he rereads what Chan has writte so far. Mingyu scratches his head as he goes to his bathroom with a soft groan. Chan bites his pencil as he reads the articles over and over again. When the bathroom door closes, Jihoon takes the opportunity to ask Chan questions he couldn't ask in front of the taller boy.

"Chan?" Jihoon asks warily, and the young boy looks up, eyes wide. "What?" He asks, concern in his voice. "What are you to Mingyu? Like, what's your status?" Jihoon asks as quietly as he could, voice barely above a whisper. Chan squints in confusion. "His friend. We've been friends since I was a freshman and he was a senior high school, so friends for nearly 5 years. Why you ask?" Chan explains, and Jihoon suddenly feels less tense and awkward. "Oh. Oh, um, nothing. Just. I'm his friend too, and I just wanted to know what you were to him." Jihoon says, deciding to admit partial truth, knowing that Chan didn't need the true reason was because Jihoon was a pathetic fuck who liked Mingyu and thought he was also fucking around with Mingyu. _Oh no_.

But something clicks together, and Chan makes a face of disgust. " ** _Ew_**. You thought we were dating?" Chan says, face scrunched up and Jihoon begins to feel jittery. "No, no, no-"

"Listen, I have no problem with dude on dude action, I'm pretty sure Hansol brings some guy to our dorm when I'm in class, but I'm as straight as straight could get. Mingyu's straight, too," Chan says, and Jihoon can't help but feel himself sink at the last part. "Um. Are you sure? About Mingyu being straight?" Jihoon asks (though he knows the answer, Mingyu is definitely not straight whatsoever). "Oh yeah. I mean, I've only known him for 5 years and he's a pretty hard shell to open up, but I'm almost positive has straight. He was dating this girl for almost all of high school, but they broke up when he came here for university. Then he began dating another girl, and it was only a couple months ago they broke up."

Jihoon's mouth is dry. Mingyu can't be straight, but he also isn't gay if he dated girls more then once. Jihoon knows there's a word for this but he can't think properly as he feels like the world darkened just a bit as he comprehends Chan's words. Just then the bathroom door opens, and Mingyu walks out. Their eyes connect briefly, and Jihoon forces himself to look away and back to Chan, handing him his paper back. "This is good. I'm pretty sure you understand now, right?" Chan nods and thanks Jihoon.

Jihoon stands up from the bed. He feels like he should leave. Chan and Mingyu both look at Jihoon who heads towards the door.

"Where are you going, Jihoon-hyung?" Chan asks, and Jihoon represses the pride feeling he gets when he is called hyung (literally no one has ever called him hyung - maybe it's because all his friends are older then him). "I should get going. It's getting late," Jihoon replies, ignoring the way Mingyu is staring at him with dark eyes as he looks past the taller boy to Chan, who immediately hops off the bed. Jihoon notices how they're close in height, Chan taller by a few centimeters. "Hyung, can I get your number? You're pretty cool, and it was sick how you learned the process of writing a journalism paper when you're not taking any classes all for the sake of helping me!" Chan says, eyes comically wide.

Jihoon chuckles slightly but agrees. They exchange numbers, and Jihoon ignores the feeling he gets in his stomach as he thinks about how befriending Chan was way easier then Mingyu (are they even friends?). But as Jihoon leaves, Mingyu catches him by surprise.

"Jihoon-ssi, I'll see you sometime, have a safe trip," Mingyu says, and Jihoon stands at the doorway for a moment, relishing in the words. "Thanks. Have yourself a good night. Bye, Chan." Jihoon responds, and Chan hollers a goodbye as Jihoon closes the door.

As Jihoon walks through the streets of Seoul to go back to his dorm on campus, he can't help but think about what Chan revealed and doesn't know why it bothers him so much.

_I've only known him for 5 years and he's a pretty hard shell to open up, but I'm almost positive has straight._

Jihoon knew Mingyu was hard to open up, heck, even have a decent conversation with. But straight? Ha. Mingyu was anything but.

Jihoon really doesn't know why it bothers him so much.


	4. playing with fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Did some shopping for yourself or is that actually a gift?" Jihoon asks as a joke, because he knows Mingyu enough to understand that the boy was self-obsessed. Mingyu scoffs, but he becomes shy. "It's a gift. Jesus, Jihoon. Do I really come off as self-absorbed?" Mingyu asks, and Jihoon ignores the way that that was the first time he's ever heard the taller boy call him by his name and not baby boy.
> 
> "A bit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyoooooo, another chapter!!!! this one is 6.3k words to make up for my last trash chapters.  
> hm. seems everything is going well, better even, for jihoon and mingyu.  
> also hansol made his fuckcfj debut in this fic, i swear seokmin, seungkwan, and minghao are coming soon, they're just chillin right now

Jihoon is on a study date with Soonyoung and Jun. They're at the library of their university, which is open until midnight for students who want to work there. Because Jihoon has been more social (ahem) then focusing on studies, he's unfortunately fallen behind on assignments. He still attends class regularly, but the work has become a pile of papers and Jihoon has no other option but to sort it out before he even attempts to have free time again. Soonyoung and Jun are there for "emotional support", but they're also working on their own assignments too.

Jihoon's focus is really towards his homework that he doesn't notice a familiar person pull up a chair at their small table and squeeze themselves in between him and Jun until they speak.

"Hey, Jihoon, funny to see you here," Lee Chan says, and Jihoon looks up at him in surprise, halting his blue ballpoint pen against his paper mid sentence. Chan looks the same as Jihoon last saw him last Friday; fluffy hair that makes him look way younger than he is, permanent grin, and the same blue sweater. "Hey Chan," Jihoon says, and Jihoon notices his friends looking at Chan a bit odd. "Oh. Um, guys this is Lee Chan. Chan, these are my friends Jun and Soonyoung." Jihoon introduces his friends to Chan, and they both smile politely at the boy who is grinning hugely.

Chan turns to Jihoon. "Dude, why didn't you tell me we went to the same university? I had to ask Mingyu, do you know how weird he was about it? At first he said he didn't know, but then he said he did know," The mention of Mingyu has Soonyoung and Jun exchanging a look and Jihoon pouts a bit. How did Mingyu even know where he went to university? Whatever. "Um, sorry. I forgot to mention it." Jihoon apologizes.

He's not really sorry, but it would be rude to not apologize. He figured he would've ran into the boy sooner or later. Chan accepts his apology with no grudges, instead smiles at Jihoon. Chan doesn't seem to have brought anything with him, which has Jihoon wondering why he was in the library in the first place but he decides not to judge. Chan just might really like books and he saw Jihoon here. So Chan sits there and watches him and his friends work.

"What year are you in, Chan? What are you studying for?" Soonyoung asks, to make some conversation as Jihoon proceeded to continue his homework. "Oh. I'm a freshman, this is my first year. I'm studying journalism, as a plan B of course. I actually want to become a dancer but if that fails than I want a job in journalism." Chan says. The mention of dance has both Jun and Soonyoung perking up, and Jihoon wishes he was much into dance as the three boys were as they began talking much about it.

"Are you any good?" Jun asks, and Chan shrugs. "My dad's a dancer, he's taught me since I could walk. Michael Jackson is my inspiration!" Chan says and their words become tuned out as Jihoon starts to focus on his homework again. It lasts for about 10 minutes - Chan, Soonyoung, and Jun talking as much as they could about dance, and Jihoon finally finished the rest of his homework that he's worked more quantity then quality. As long as there were two pages, the quality didn't matter, especially when there were 10 other students writing about the same topic. He could live with a B in linguistics. Jihoon begins to pack up all of his work, stuffing the papers in his folder before clipping the folder in his bag.

"Yah, do you guys want to go get some Krispy Kreme? I'll pay," Soonyoung suggests, and Jihoon notices the way the older boy is looking specifically at Chan, who is oblivious but nods vigorously. "Do we have to walk?" Jun asks, already grimacing about the thought of walking in winter, especially so late. Soonyoung shakes his head. "No, we can take my car." Thus Jihoon and Jun agree.

It's nearing midnight when the four boys reach a Krispy Kreme about half a mile off of campus, Soonyoung leads Chan to the counter as they stare at the many donuts in the glass display case with watery mouths. The shabby place is dimmed and there's a teenage employee standing behind the cash register, mouth full of silver braces and ugly glasses perched on his nose as he takes more interest in his phone then the costumers. Jun scoffs and Jihoon nudges him, the taller boy patting Jihoon's dyed brown hair. Jihoon swats Jun's hand away, eying the pink sprinkled donut in the case. Soonyoung then points at it, "This one suits Jihoon, he's a pink fairy," He says and Jihoon flushes as Chan and Jun laugh. "I'm getting it for you." Soonyoung says, and Jihoon doesn't complain because it's what he wanted in the first place.

They're in Soonyoung's car in the parking lot of Krispy Kreme, Soonyoung scrambling to get the box of donuts open rather then driving back to campus. Chan is in the passenger seat, Jihoon and Jun are in the back, and they're all verbally attacking Soonyoung to hurry up. Once the box is open, the boys scramble to get their donuts, hands bumping into each other and all. Soonyoung begins to drive as he eats his donut, and Jihoon is impressed by his multitasking skills because usually Soonyoung can't even drive while listening to music.

Jihoon eats his donut in silence, listening to Chan and Soonyoung's conversation about which Pokémon is more iconic: Pikachu or Squirtle. Jihoon obviously picks Squirtle, because though Pikachu is the most known Pokémon, it's obvious that Squirtle is the most hyped one. The sprinkles melt in his mouth and Jihoon sighs in contentment as he watches the city of Seoul pass by in a blur and the pale moonlight glimmering in the inky night sky.

-

Jeonghan is sitting in his lap and they sit on Seungcheol's apartment sofa. Despite Jihoon heaving heavily, the older boy has no intentions of moving as Seungcheol's eye twitches at the display. Jihoon can't help but think Jeonghan might be doing this to make Seungcheol jealous, for some reason, but he knows there's no negativity in these intentions; Jeonghan and Seungcheol are pathetically in love and not even the hottest Kpop idol could ruin their relationship, they just did weird things to make each other crazy in hopes of getting good sex in the end.

Jihoon shivers at the idea, and Jeonghan lays back into Jihoon's chest, and the boy groans and heaves more. "You're killing me," He complains, and Jeonghan laughs. "No I'm not. I'm 55 kilos." Jeonghan says, and Jihoon attempts to push him off. Jeonghan eventually complies, sliding off Jihoon's lap onto the empty seat beside him and Jihoon catches his breath as his face regains its normal colour again. Seungcheol looks a bit pressed, and Jihoon narrows his eyes at him. Just then, the apartment door opens and Jeonghan shouts without even looking.

"Jisoo! Took you long enough to get here, have you brought the Cola like I asked?" Jeonghan asks, and in walks Hong Jisoo with a plastic bag in one hand and a pretty boy in his other. Jihoon is left shook, because damn. The boy could actually be a model. Jisoo lets go of the boy's hand, setting the plastic bag on the coffee table and pulling out two bottles of Cola. Jeonghan immediately reaches out for one and Jisoo grins at Jihoon.

Jihoon's eyes suddenly fall back upon the new boy; soft wavy hair, pale skin, and a faint blush of pink on his cheeks. Jisoo notices and begins to stutter. "Oh. Um, Jihoon this is Hansol, Hansol this is Jihoon," Jisoo stumbles over his words and Hansol looks over with a soft smile and claps his hand on Jisoo's shoulder gently. Jihoon suddenly remembers him talking about Hansol that night they went out and Jihoon met Mingyu, which was over 3 weeks ago. Jisoo was full of fluttery fondness the entire time. "Hey, dude," Jihoon says and Hansol laughs. "Hey."

Jihoon is scooted onto the floor, as Jeonghan says the couples could sit on the sofa, even though there were only three spaces, they were thin enough to fit comfortably. Jihoon was ordered to be their remote; to press play when the movie began. He sat on a cushion, knees pulled up as the movie began.

Half an hour into the movie, Jeonghan suddenly excused himself. "Should I pause it?" Jihoon asked. Jeonghan stopped at the entrance, "Uh, no. Just continue watching without me." and with that, Jeonghan was gone. Of course, not too long after that, Seungcheol was sneaking out of the living room too. When he was gone, Jihoon scrunched his nose and turned around to face the two boys on the couch, who were giggling at the situation.

"Dude, I bet they're fucking right now." Jihoon says, and Jisoo and Hansol laugh. Jihoon moves to sit on the couch, the sofa a lot more comfortable then a cushion on the floor with no back support. The movie was a horror film, but it was so terrible that none of the men were scared.

"So. How long have you guys been together?" Jihoon asks, curious and a bit hurt that Jisoo didn't tell him anything. Maybe it was his fault; Jihoon was a bad texter and caller and his phone was almost always on Do Not Disturb (he's trying to ignore the fact that Mingyu hasn't texted him in over a week). Jisoo blushes, and Hansol answers. "Not long. About a week now," He informs and Jihoon nods. "Ah, really?" He asks, shocked that they've only been official for a short amount of time when he swears he recalls Jisoo talking about how they've known each other for over a month. Hansol nods, "Yeah. Would've been longer but Mr. Stubborn here wouldn't let me take him out for the longest time," Hansol pokes Jisoo's cheek, and Jisoo flushes and swats his hand away. "You know why." Jisoo pouts, and Jihoon chuckles.

"Jisoo is a Christian. Even now. And he's always been stubborn," Jihoon says, and Hansol nods. "I know, and I believe God wanted you to accept my first date offer instead of the 12th." Hansol says to Jisoo who smacks his chest with a sickenly endearing "jerk". Jihoon pretends to gag and Jisoo shoves his shoulder.

"What about you? What's your deal with Mingyu?" Jisoo asks in a teasing tone and it's Jihoon's turn to blush. Honestly, he doesn't know where he and Mingyu stand. They haven't talked in a week, and it seems Mingyu is more interested in sex, plus he says he straight to his friends when it's obvious that he's not 100%. Something seems to click in Hansol's brain, and he's cutting off Jihoon's snark reply of "none of your business". "Wait, Kim Mingyu?" He asks, and Jihoon nods, cheeks still hot. Hansol laughs, "Really?" He asks, and Jihoon groans. "Yes!"

Hansol is laughing and Jisoo is confused and so is Jihoon. "Dude. I thought he was straight? My friend, Seungkwan, is friends with Chan who's friends with Mingyu. We're all friends, but Chan is closest with Mingyu. Man, I never thought Mingyu swung that way," Hansol admits, finding it more amusing then conflicting as Chan (almost) did. Jihoon forces his heart to calm down, and he barks a laugh. "He never tells me anything. I got it from Chan that he identifies as straight, but I know he's not completely." Jihoon mumbles. Jisoo and Hansol both look a bit confused.

"Okay, I'm going detail into this, all I'm going to say is that we did stuff, more then once. I don't know, honestly," Jihoon sighs, he's forcing himself to appear like it doesn't bother him (it shouldn't, Jihoon is just terrible and can't know a one night stand when he has one). Hansol looks at him, the same look Soonyoung had back in his dorm when he first told his friends all about Mingyu. "Should I try to talk to him about it?" Hansol asks, and Jihoon flushes as he stutters. "Uh, no. Maybe he will talk about it when he's - he's ready or something. Uh, thanks though." Jihoon says, suddenly thankful to have made friends with a person who already cared about him in their hour-long friendship.

The girl screams on the movie, and Jihoon is too distracted in his thoughts to focus as the killer digs a knife through her stomach and fake blood pours from her mouth. Jesus. Jihoon had to calm down, why did he even care so much about Mingyu? He swore that the boy was going to be nothing more then a casual fuck.

-

Jihoon had a terrible day. He was late for his last class before Winter break because he slept in - which is horrible because he has afternoon classes and didn't wake up until after lunch time, his class already started then as he ran across campus, having slipped on the icy snow more then once. He arrived to class nearly half an hour late, earning a lecture from the teacher who cared way too much for a university professor, and he sulked the entire class as his back ached from slipping, lost on the topic the entire time. He only had 2 classes for today, and his last class was the worst.

Jihoon forgot his entire work packet for that class, including the homework he worked on over the weekend, and his grade ended up dropping from a B to a solid D - his worst grade in his entire university studies. It really made him lose motivation, but he knew he should check himself and understand that it wasn't that horrible. He can work extra assignments to bump it back up over the break, but right now he allowed himself to wallow in pity as he felt torn between giving up and working harder.

Jeonghan gave him reassuring pats when class ended, and Jihoon pouted as he, Jeonghan, Wonu, and Jun went their separate ways. Jeonghan was meeting up with Seungcheol to go to Daegu over the holidays to meet Seungcheol's family and spend Christmas there. Wonu was most likely going to Jisoo's, they have gotten close over the past few weeks and it wasn't surprising to see them hanging out outside of their friend group. Jun usually went to the dance studio with Soonyoung, and Jihoon would go back to his dorm. Which is what he plans to do as he bids his friends a sad goodbye and they tell him to cheer up as they leave and go on with their own individual lives.

Jihoon leaves through the university entrance, along with many other students that are talking rather loudly about their plans and other things that has Jihoon wishing he was close enough to his friends that he could spend their breaks together. This Christmas, Jihoon's parents were travelling to China. He sighed at the realization that he'd be alone for Christmas; all his friends had their own families and friends to be with, he wouldn't want to tag along, he'd rather be wanted then be a pity guest. It didn't matter, because a couple days after Christmas before school started and everyone was back on campus, all of his friends would usually gather at Seungcheol's house and exchange gifts and have a good time. That's what Jihoon was looking forward to the most.

Jihoon nearly slipped again when he stepped on the bottom step of the stone staircase, but was caught by the arm. He steadied himself and thanked the stranger, flushes pink and too embarrassed to look them in the eye. But when the stranger didn't let go of his arm, he looked up at them and his eyes widen.

Kim Mingyu.

The boy wore a black jacket and a scarf covering his mouth, dark hair neatly made into a casual quiff, dark skin a contrast against the porcelain snow that blanketed all of the country. He looked as good as Jihoon first saw him, intimidating and handsome. Jihoon pulled his arm out of Mingyu's grasp, no venom in his action but rather confusion. What was Mingyu doing here?

Mingyu seemed to notice the confusion Jihoon had, and so he started talking.

"Hey. I was wondering if you wanted to go out to eat? A proper meal, this time. Just two adults hanging out, okay?" Mingyu asked, and Jihoon looks behind him, hoping by chance one of his friends would come out and rescue him, and sighed. Mingyu didn't seem apologetic about not talking to him for over a week (Jihoon didn't try to contact him, there were temptations, but Jihoon was so stubborn. He wanted Mingyu to call him first), but the tone he had was more genuine then the one he had at the café; like he wanted this as much as Jihoon did. "U-uh, sure." Jihoon reluctantly agrees, and Mingyu shoots him a small grin.

 

The place Mingyu chose was equally shabby as the café Jihoon chose; it was a run-down hole-in-the-wall diner owned by a man, mid 30s, who had four rows of holes in his left ear and wore jeans way too tight for someone his age. Mingyu fit right into the dark scene - his clothes were as dark as his hair, and Jihoon just noticed the dangly earring he wore on his right ear and the stud poked through his right. Jihoon felt he stood out - his white sweater and navy blue winter jacket, his dyed brown hair and pale skin a huge contrast against the darkness of the hole-in-the-wall.

The waitor behind the cashier seemed to be staring at Jihoon weirdly, and the shorter boy shifted, obviously uncomfortable. Mingyu seemed to be having a full conversation with the waitor, but Jihoon wasn't listening as he was looking at all the strange pictures pinned on the wall. It was when Mingyu pulled him by the arm to a table that Jihoon's thought bubble popped and he pulled himself away from the taller boy and sat himself down on one side of the table and Mingyu on the other. Mingyu's gaze was still on the waitor as he took off his jacket, and Jihoon shifted, uncomfortable as he decided to leave his jacket on. Seriously, what was this place?

"I ordered for us. I don't have any money on me -" Mingyu started but Jihoon cut him off. "You expect me to pay?" He snide, his bad mood from earlier returning. Mingyu scoffed. "No. I put it on a tab, but you have to pay the cab when we go back to my apartment." Jihoon wanted to laugh in Mingyu's face because what makes him think he was planning to go home with him? At the same time, Jihoon couldn't help himself to flush and bite his tongue so hard he swore he tasted blood. During the entire wait of their food arrival, Jihoon conflicted with himself whether he would actually go with Mingyu or not.

When the waiter brought their tray of food, Jihoon easily inhaled his plate. He didn't bother to be pretentious about the weird looking food, as Jihoon didn't forget he hasn't eaten anything since yesterday, and the food tasted better then it looked. Mingyu didn't seem bothered, as he ate his food equally as messy. At least Jihoon didn't feel disgusting, as Mingyu was disgusting too.

"Do you always eat this much?" Mingyu asks, and Jihoon halts his third bowl of ramyeon, noodles hanging from his lips as he looks up at Mingyu. He uses his chopsticks to help him devour the bite faster, and through a full mouth, Jihoon says, "This is nothing. I once ate, like, six lamb skewers with my friend when we went to a free buffet," Which results in a throaty chuckle from the man across. "Where does it even go?" Mingyu asks, astonished as Jihoon shrugs, stuffing his face even more. "Beats me. I eat like a pig yet I'm as thin as I was when I was 12."

Jihoon knows he's not the thinnest - he has a tummy for god's sake. But for someone who does eat a lot, he's pretty darn thin. It doesn't bother him, he doesn't care if he gets fat or if he stays 49 kilos for the rest of his life.

Mingyu laughs, and goddamnit, that laugh is the most melodic sound Jihoon has heard.

"What about you? You barely touched your plate," Jihoon says, noticing half of Mingyu's food is untouched. Mingyu shrugs. "I gain weight easily, it's better for me to eat small portions," Is all he replies with and Jihoon rolls his eyes. "You're what? Over 6 feet? And you weigh, what?~"

"63 kilos~"

"~63 kilos, you're fine! I actually think that's borderline underweight for your BMI-" Mingyu silences Jihoon with a loud sigh. "It doesn't matter! I eat, I'm not pathetic enough to starve myself or anything." Mingyu snarls, and Jihoon rolls his eyes as he sighs in defeat and continues eating the rest of his ramyeon.

It stays silent for the rest of Jihoon's meal; it's not exactly awkward, it's just a bit tense and it makes Jihoon feel bad but there's really nothing he could do. They leave the hole-in-the-wall after disposing as much of their mess as they could before a waiter comes by and sweeps away the empty plates and bowls.

It's snowing outside, but not roughly where all you could see was white. Snowflakes lightly fell to the ground, the sky turning into a darker blue and the streetlights and city lights beginning to be their source of light. It felt nice, especially after a good meal. Jihoon felt satisfied, and suddenly remembered his bad mood from earlier; it was gone and was replaced with contentment. Progress!

Mingyu seemed to be hailing a cab, and Jihoon wanted this to last longer. "Wait! We should like, walk, so our food could digest. I'll feel sick, especially from the motion of a car." Jihoon pathetically says, and Mingyu looks at him with an odd look. Eventually the taller boy agrees, and Jihoon grins to himself as they begin to walk. Jihoon doesn't know where to, but it doesn't matter because he feels too good to consider directions.

"So. What do you go to university for?" Mingyu asks, and Jihoon is shocked that Mingyu actually spoke first that he stutters. "O-oh, um, I major in music - producing to be exact. I want to be a music producer," He informs, and Mingyu seems rather impressed. "Really? I love music. Are you any good?" Jihoon is about to choke, because is Mingyu actually having a conversation with him that reveals their personal hobbies? Does Mingyu actually want to get to know him? Jihoon chokes (mentally). "At producing? I guess, I mean, I start from scratch-"

"You make your own music?" Mingyu asks.

"Yeah. But it's not as good as the stuff on the radio-"

"Bullshit. You make your own music, I bet it's way better then the stuff on the radio," Mingyu says, suddenly becoming shy at his own words as Jihoon scoffs but accepts such compliment. "Dude. That's a pretty gay thing to say," Jihoon jokes and Mingyu huffs. "Whatever." He says and Jihoon laughs from Mingyu's misery.

They end up at a street corner where there's high school girls handing out hot wine and candy canes, tinsel and bulbs hanging on the stone wall behind them as more school girls ring bells happily. Jihoon nearly forgot that Christmas is near. In one week to be precise. The soft snowfall and the sound of bells ringing has Jihoon feeling the Christmas spirit instantly, and he tugs on Mingyu's arm excitedly.

"OOooOoh," Jihoon exclaims, and Mingyu scoffs a laugh. "I forgot Christmas is near, which reminds me that I still need to get a gift for my friend, do you mind if I go into one of the shops?" Jihoon asks, not waiting for a reply as they walk up to a comic book store. Jisoo loves comics, especially Spiderman ones. He enters the store, not caring if Mingyu is following or not. The comic book shop is filled with festive decorations, along with sub unit shops. There's a section for scarves, a section for jewelry, a section for t shirts, and the main section that is for the comics.

Jihoon goes to the comic section, and between the isles of numerous comics, between the cracks of shelves, he could see Mingyu awkwardly standing around. It impresses Jihoon that Mingyu actually cared, but he rolls his eyes as two girls come up to him and they start conversing.

In the end, Jihoon chooses four comics, because it was buy 2, get two free, and who was Jihoon to to deny such a nice offer? Especially when the comics were half price to begin with. He's standing at the cash register when he notices Mingyu is not at the place Jihoon last saw him, and he looks around but the cashier says the total. Jihoon struggles to get out his wallet and pay the 21,000 won.

Jihoon thanks the cashier and leaves the shop, there he is met with Mingyu leaning cooly against the wall, a small shopping bag in his hand that Jihoon recognizes as the jewelry shop from the comic store.

"Did some shopping for yourself or is that actually a gift?" Jihoon asks as a joke, because he knows Mingyu enough to understand that the boy was self-obsessed. Mingyu scoffs, but he becomes shy. "It's a gift. Jesus, Jihoon. Do I really come off as self-absorbed?" Mingyu asks, and Jihoon ignores the way that that was the first time he's ever heard the taller boy call him by his name and not baby boy. "A bit." Jihoon says in a tone that shows he's not sorry. Mingyu looks offended for the rest of their strolling.

-

The cab back to Mingyu's apartment was a long one, Jihoon didn't know that their walk had ended up with them almost halfway across town. In the end, Jihoon paid a hefty amount of money (he cursed at Mingyu the entire ride - how did Mingyu pay for the damn gift if he said he didn't have any money at the diner? He lied. He had money. Was it a scam to convince Jihoon to pay the whole fee himself? Probably, Mingyu is dead to Jihoon (not really).

The snow had turned from soft snowflakes to a full on snowfall. Heavy snowflakes fell onto Jihoon's hair just from the short walk from the street to Mingyu's apartment. Mingyu was already inside, and Jihoon flicked him the finger.

"I hate you. Do you not know what I could've done with 17,000 won? Buy 2 lamb skewers," Jihoon says, and Mingyu laughs. "I told you, I spent the rest of my money on this gift," He insists and Jihoon rolls his eyes. "Who is the gift for? They owe me half." Jihoon says, crossing his arms as they walk down to Mingyu's room. Jihoon doesn't notice when Mingyu becomes quiet after asking the question.

Mingyu unlocks his door, and this time there is no teenager on his bed demanding his attention. They're alone, and suddenly everything feels more intimate. Jihoon take shis coat off, hanging it on the pin, toeing off his shoes and placing his gift bag beside them. Mingyu does the same, except he takes his small gift bag with him and places it on his desk among the mess of papers.

"Are you thirsty?" Mingyu asks as Jihoon walks around the small apartment, examining all the pictures and papers pinned to the wall. It's the first time he's actually walking around Mingyu's apartment without the purpose of finding his dicarded clothes. Jihoon shrugs, "Yeah." He says, and Mingyu goes to his mini fridge and pulls out two small cans of Cola. Jihoon takes the can gracefully, capping the can open and chugging the fizzy drink down easily, the cold bubbles making his throat tighten as the carbonated drink sits heavily in his stomach.

Mingyu has seemed to gotten use that Jihoon is a disgusting eater and drinker because he doesn't make a quip about it as Jihoon crushes the empty can out of reflex. Mingyu sits on the bed, and Jihoon, feeling weird and good at the same time, lays exotically on the foot of the bed, over exaggerating his seducing pose of laying on his back, back arched way too high to be comfortable as he bites his lip and throws his head back so far the joints crack. "I'm ready." He says in a seducing tone that has Mingyu rather offended as he laughs.

"What the heck?" Mingyu asks, unsure whether to continue laughing or awkwardly look away. Jihoon shifts and goes on all fours, crawling up sexily (as a joke because let's face it - Jihoon was one huge joke) . "Oppa, pleasure me," Jihoon moans in a rather exaggerated way and Mingyu doubles over. "Please stop." Mingyu begs, hiding his face in the pillows and Jihoon flops on the bed.

"I can't believe I'm not attractive, Oppa doesn't want me," Jihoon pouts, rolling onto his back and looking up at Mingyu who is red-faced with his bottom lip quivering in a way that shows he doesn't want to laugh. "What did I ever do?" Jihoon sighs sadly, though he was feeling anything but.

Jihoon then sits up on the bed, knees tucked, as he faces Mingyu, who is lounging comfortably with his elbow prepping him up. Jihoon wants to get his attention, the taller boy's eyes are glued on the window where he watches the city lights and other boring things, and what way was better to catch the attention of someone? Taking off your shirt. Jihoon takes off his white sweater, taking his t shirt with it. The action has Mingyu looking at him, eyes suddenly dark. Jihoon smirks, purposely popping out his collarbone as a lame attempt to make himself look desirable.

Jihoon climbs up Mingyu's body, hand resting on his hard chest, feeling the steady heart beat as he leans down slowly. Their lips are inches apart, and Jihoon attempts to tease him, pulling away only far enough that Mingyu is suddenly flipping them over and connecting their lips harshly. Jihoon moans into the kiss, tugging the boy closer as his bare chest rubs against the rough material of Mingyu's grey t shirt. Their tongues dance together, and Jihoon feels confident enough to easily reach down and cup Mingyu's growing erection. The taller boy growls against his lips, and Jihoon whimpers when Mingyu bites down harshly on his lip.

Mingyu pulls away and their both panting, the taller boy slides off his t shirt and Jihoon takes the time to yank down his jeans, Mingyu taking in the sight of an almost-nude Jihoon. Soft, pale skin, flushed in many places. The taller boy then slides down his underwear, Jihoon's cock springing up against his stomach, already leaking at the tip. Mingyu takes Jihoon in his hand, and Jihoon is gasping and panting as Mingyu slowly jerks him off. It's been so long since he's been jerked off, even masturbating was becoming rare because of how tired he was everyday because of the countless assignments and homework and managing a social life in between, that Jihoon comes easily after a few minutes of Mingyu stroking and planting soft kisses on his chest.

The come lands in streaks on his stomach, and Jihoon is gasping harshly as his orgasm wakes him up. "Bad boy. Not supposed to come without telling me," Mingyu says, the tone he uses for sex talk overpowering his usual soft tone. Jihoon shivers and opens his eyes, almost whimpering at the dark eyes staring harshly back into his. "You're lucky I won't punish you." Jihoon whimpers, kind of wanting to see what would happen if he was punished, but all thoughts escape his mind when a slicked finger presses against his hole.

Mingyu slides in his finger, and Jihoon arches his back, feeling sensitive from coming, but he moans and pushes down. Mingyu is impressed, and he adds in a second finger right after. Jihoon is shaking from sensitivity, his cock half-hard against his thighs but angry red. He brings his knees closer to his chest, seeking more pleasure as Mingyu stretches him. The taller boy adds a third finger, and Jihoon feels himself getting fully hard, which is impressive for himself.

Mingyu is quick to pull his fingers out an pull off his jeans, and Jihoon watches the entire time, biting his lip as he watches Mingyu slick himself up with the bottle of lube before lining himself up. Jihoon preps himself by pulling his knees impossibly closer to his chest, forcing himself to not tense up despite the sensitivity still strong. Mingyu taps the tip of his dick against Jihoon's hole, and Jihoon bites his lip as he feels the blunt head hard against his entrance.

Mingyu pushes in and Jihoon gasps. Mingyu groans, pushing deeper into the quivering boy. Jihoon throws his head back when Mingyu pushes so much deeper into him, and the taller boy lowers himself down and attaches his lips to the exposed neck, sucking marks as he fully nestles inside Jihoon. The shorter boy is panting, whimpering when Mingyu sucks on the sensitive skin of his neck and circle his hips ever so slightly. Jihoon legs go of his legs, wrapping them around Mingyu's waist as he free hands tangle into the taller boy's dark hair.

Mingyu moves from Jihoon's neck to lips, capturing their lips in a short kiss before Mingyu is pulling away to begin thrusting. Jihoon gasps with every slow thrust, clenching around Mingyu, causing the boy to groan. "Baby boy, so tight, so good," Mingyu praises, and Jihoon feels his cheeks become hot. He scratches Mingyu's neck, urging the boy to thrust harder. Mingyu does, pacing his movements much faster. Jihoon bounces and moans through the sound of skin against skin and deep groans.

Surprisingly, Mingyu comes not long into fucking, and it's kind of disappointing. Maybe because Jihoon has already come and it won't be easy getting him to come again right after. But Mingyu stills with a breathy groan as he fills Jihoon up, and the boy welcomes it, panting in Mingyu's ear as they exchange body heat. Mingyu reaches down to grip Jihoon's cock, still inside of the boy, and begins to jerk his off roughly. Jihoon moans, body jolting and writhing, causing Mingyu to growl. 

Jihoon comes. It's a huge disgusting mess on his stomach, and he feels so tired and so dirty and he kind of wants to fall asleep but he knows he should at least clean himself up. Mingyu pulls out, and Jihoon shivers. His eyes open, half lidded as he smiles dopey at Mingyu, who looks bashful himself.

"I'm dirty," Jihoon says, and Mingyu nods. "You need a shower," He says, and Jihoon reaches to slap his arm. "You're not supposed to agree with me. You're supposed to say 'No you're not, you're pure' or something shitty and cliche, and I'm not supposed to believe whatever you say anyway, but you keep saying it," Jihoon doesn't know what he's saying, he's just letting the words flow, and Mingyu laughs. "Fine. You're pure, but you're not clean."

Jihoon drags himself into the bathroom, not bothering to lock the door let alone close it all the way, and turns on the shower. He doesn't know if he's allowed to shower, but he doesn't care as he steps into the warm shower spray and sighs as his bones loosen up and his skin becomes clean. It shouldn't have shocked Jihoon so much when Mingyu pulled back the curtains in the middle of his shampooing, but it did, and he yelped as Mingyu laughed and stepped into the shower too. 

Jihoon felt vulnerable, and he washed out Mingyu's musk shampoo that was way too manly for him, and left the shower. Mingyu didn't seem to mind, and Jihoon was glad they weren't at that stage of shower sex or stuff like that. He used the fluffiest towel Mingyu had to dry himself, wrapping the huge towel around his shoulders just as the shower turned off and Mingyu pulled the curtains back. Jihoon looked at Mingyu with an expression screaming 'look at me, i'm cute and small and this towel is so big and fluffy and i want you to find it amusing', and Mingyu grinned. "Cute." He said, and Jihoon felt satisfied and left the bathroom.

Jihoon put on underwear because he was able to, and he got into Mingyu's bed, pulling back the covers and tucking himself into bed as his damp hair made the pillow wet. He'd probably regret going to bed with wet hair, but he was too tired to care. Mingyu came out of the bathroom right after Jihoon got comfortable, and he switched off the main light and through the dark he found his way to the bed.

They laid in bed, Jihoon almost falling asleep from the stretch of silence until Mingyu shifted closer and wrapped his arms around the smaller boy. Subconsciously, Jihoon moved into the touch, until their position changed and the shorter boy was laying on Mingyu's chest, the taller boy's arms wrapped around him.

Before he finally fell asleep listening to a steady heartbeat, Jihoon felt Mingyu press a soft kiss to the top of his damp hair.

-

Jihoon regret falling asleep with damp hair as he woke up with a wild bush. He spent an hour in the bathroom taming the locks, all while Mingyu slept.


	5. there's curiosity in your eyes (you can call me monster)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you trust me?" Mingyu asks yet again.
> 
> Yes. Jihoon would trust Mingyu with a lot of things. He nods, holding his wrists out, the chain bracelet cold against his hot skin. Mingyu's hands trail down, touching the chain softly, and Jihoon gasps just then as cold, metal handcuffs are clasped around his wrists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi. enjoy this chapter that took longer then usual to write because i suck and had exams and stuff.  
> also, i know i misuse the word "then" like a lot but i'm illiterate and i think im the only one who thinks "than" just doesnt look rite. Im sorry i hate myself too.

Christmas passed by in a blur. Jihoon spent the day alone, but his friends and parents made sure to call him and text him to have a happy Christmas, and the boy tried to not be salty that they all left him and texted back a polite 'Merry Christmas to you too!'. His parents had the audacity to text him a selfie of the both of them in front of a traditional Chinese building. Honestly, Jihoon was a bit sad because Christmas was always filled with family and warmth, but this year it was filled with loneliness, plain cement walls, and many movies to drown himself in. It was also sad because not a lot of people were on campus and the morning of Christmas he went down to the cafeteria for breakfast, he almost cried at the fact that he wasn't alone when he saw at least six people down there. It was also sad.

It was nearing 9pm, and Jihoon was ready to call it a night. Just as he closed his laptop, ending the horror movie right when the killer was about to be revealed (he wasn't interested in the film to begin with so he didn't care), his phone vibrated on his nightstand. He shoved his laptop under his bed because he was lazy to stand up and put it on his desk, then he reached over and unlocked his phone.

It was a text from Mingyu.

Jihoon ignored the dates of the lasts texts they've exchanged (December 14 at 7:24pm, if you're curious) and anxiously read the text.

_Hey, what's your dorm number?_

Jihoon didn't have time to be confused or creeped out, because the typing bubble appeared and another text chimed in.

 _Don't worry, not going to be a creep. I just need to know_.

Jihoon was going to ask why, why does Mingyu need to know. But instead he texted back his address.

_E wing campus, second floor, B hall, dorm 23 ^~^_

It might sound complicated, but it was really not. There were only 6 sections located for dorms on the campus and they were really small and categorized by English alphabet through A - F and they connected together along the university campus, along with many other buildings, and there were only one building each section for dorms that had less then 5 floors so they were visibly smaller then the other buildings that had around 10 floors, and in the buildings on each level except for the lobby there are two hallways divided by doors when you step out of the elevator (the elevator brought you to the floor and when you got off there will be a small room with two doors labelled A and B facing left and right and those were the hallways) and there were 10 dorms on each level.

Okay, maybe it was a bit complicated. This university was one of the biggest universities in Seoul and it was so diverse.

Jihoon thought maybe Mingyu was coming over, and for some reason he really hoped that to be true. So he waited. He doesn't know how long it was he waited, rather patiently he might add, but by the time there was the faintest knock on the door it was 9:43. Jihoon took the seven seconds it took to answer the door to mentally prepare himself (i.e he put on sweatpants at least because he didn't want to look like he was waiting).

Jihoon answered the door to nothing but a wooden door on the other side of the hall. Maybe the faintest knock he heard was someone at a different dorm. Just as Jihoon was about to shut the door and maybe hit himself for being more desperate then he would like to admit, he noticed a small black bag on the floor. It looked familiar, and as Jihoon crouched down to pick it up, it suddenly was recognizable and he flushed furiously as he stepped out of his dorm, looking both ways of the empty hall.

Jihoon looked down at the small gift bag, feeling confused and overwhelmed. There was a familiar logo printed in gold on the front of the bag; the name on the jewelry store in English that Jihoon couldn't read. He went back into his dorm, lightly closing the door behind him, gift still in hand. Once he was sat on his bed, he carefully opened the gift, his heart beating more rapidly then he'd like to admit.

There was a white box inside. Jihoon pulled it out, along with the card he noticed, deciding to read the card first.

**_x Mingyu_ **

Was all it said. Jihoon could feel himself grinning like an idiot, but he couldn't really care as he popped open the box, nearly dropping everything in his hands as he felt his heart flutter. Inside the small box was a gold chain bracelet with a single charm; a small music note. Jihoon would never wear jewelry, but for some reason he felt compelled to wear this solely because Mingyu got it for him.

Jihoon snapped the box closed and decided to sleep on it.

-

The day came where Jihoon and his friends would link up at Seungcheol's apartment slowly but surely, and when the groupchat was spammed with many "I'm coming now" and "I'm here"'s from Jisoo, Jun, Wonu and Soonyoung, Jihoon took that as his cue to leave with a bag of gifts for his friends. He took public transit, unlucky enough to have ran into Soonyoung or anyone else, so he travelled the short distance alone.

As Jihoon stood on the bus, holding on to the bars, he could feel the cold chain around his wrist, glinting in the bus lights everytime he moved just a little bit. He felt proud, no matter how goddamn lame that was. He really wasn't expecting a gift from Mingyu - of all people, and it made him feel bad because he didn't even think of getting the boy anything. Maybe he could run to the shops quick the next time Mingyu calls him up.

Jihoon got off at Seungcheol's apartment block, careful not to slip on any icy tracks as he scittered down the street to his hyung's apartment. The snow has settled into lightfall, the sky a bright grey, the temp not too cold and not much people in sight. It took more time then usual to get to Seungcheol's apartment because Jihoon was tense and really didn't want to slip so he took steady steps right up to the entrance of the building.

When Jihoon got to Seungcheol's apartment, he was surprised to see tinsel taped (quite messily) on the wall and the smell of hot cocoa fill his nose. Seungcheol and Jeonghan were wearing matching Christmas sweaters of a deer with a sparkling red pompom nose and Jihoon pretended to gag as Jeonghan snickered with him and said "Can you believe this was Cheol's idea and not mine?" He said, and Jihoon laughed.

Jihoon was ushered to the living room by Jeonghan after he took off his winter jacket and shoes, where everyone else besides Soonyoung and Wonu were (they were probably still on their way here). Seungcheol was laughing at something Jisoo said, and Jihoon noticed Hansol here too, and he was talking quietly with Jun, who looked decently comfortable. Jeonghan booted him to sit down on the sofa, and Jihoon did, placing his gifts to the sit as Jeonghan obnoxiously sat really close beside him, almost sitting on him. Before he could protest, Jeonghan was talking.

"So you know how I went to Cheol's hometown for Christmas?" He asked. "How could I not know? Literally all you've been talking about since the start of December," Jihoon says, Jeonghan rolls his eyes. "Whatever. But he has this cousin who is a girl and she's around our age but she looks young, Jihoon, like really young. I thought she was at least 14 - she looked that young! And Cheol made me set up the table on Christmas morning and seprate the kids from the adults, and goddamnit, I put her with the kids. It was embarrassing for my husband's whole family to be laughing at me, and I think she hates me."

Jihoon laughs at Jeonghan's misery because that seems it's what he does best. "14 isn't even considered a child," Jihoon says out of spite. Jeonghan shrugs and draws Seungcheol's attention, thus grabbing everyone else's. "14 is a child, right Cheol?" Then there's a huge dispute whether 14 is still considered a child; it's 2 against 3. Jihoon and Seungcheol say 14 isn't a child, Jisoo, Hansol and Jeonghan says it is.

"Jisoo, obviously you think 14 is a child. You're a child yourself," Seungcheol says.

"I'm 24?" Jisoo snorts.

" _You're a child of God, therefore you're a child_."

"Jesus Christ, why do I consider any of you my friends?" Jeonghan sighs as everyone laughs and Jisoo turns a bright pink as he holds in his own laughter. Just then the door could be heard being open and a loud shout resonates throughout the small apartment.

"Merry Christmas, boys and boys!" Shouts Kwon Soonyoung as he arrives into the living room wearing a fake white beard and seemingly forcing Wonu to carry the huge sack on his skinny back, the boy stumbling with every step. "Fuck." Wonu yelps as he drops the sack rather roughly, earning a shriek from Soonyoung. Jihoon rolls his eyes at his friends in general (he is in fact grateful for each and every one of them - even Hansol who seems to get along well with everyone despite only being around for less then three weeks).

The seven friends all sit around the living room; Jeonghan has got off Jihoon and went to sit on Seungcheol instead (who didn't at all seem to mind) on the loveseat, with Jisoo sitting beside them and Hansol on the floor by Jisoo's feet. Jihoon and Soonyoung shared the whole couch because Soonyoung is literally the devil and laid down on Jihoon's lap and wouldn't make room for Wonu despite being threatened that Wonu will break both of his legs, and the poor boy was scooted on the floor. The TV had a fake fireplace channel, and Jeonghan went far enough to dim the lights to reveal pale white fairy lights wrapped loosely around the sofa.

"Let's talk about our Christmases'," Seungcheol says, a friendly smile on his face. Of course, Jeonghan is the first to speak.

"Okay, this Christmas was so embarrassing to me. Honestly, it was my first Christmas spending it with Cheol's family, and of course it was horrible -"

"All you did was misplace an adult and knock down my grandmother's China plates, it couldn't be that-" Seungcheol was cut off by Soonyoung barking a laugh. "You did what?"

Jeonghan turns a bright red, looking very defeated as he leans back into Seungcheol's chest. "Fuck off. Someone else go, this is no fun." Jeonghan snarls, earning laughs from everyone.

After Jisoo talked about how his family came to Seoul for the day to spend Christmas together at his uncle's apartment and seeing Hansol later in the day, Soonyoung talking about his little cousin who was interested in dance because of him, Wonu talking about his small family and their close connections, and Hansol talking about how he was flying to America after the New Year to see family (with Jisoo clinging to him rather sadly - which was amusing to everyone) it was Jihoon's turn. Jihoon thinks everyone was expecting something extravagant (which does happen with Christmas with his family - last year they went to Australia) and when he told them about his rather bleak Christmas all he received was pity stares.

Jihoon couldn't bring himself to tell them about Mingyu's gift.

Tragic.

"Okay, let's do the gift exchange." Jeonghan says, desperate to receive gifts like always. Gifts were being passed around, Jihoon handed his neatly wrapped presents to everyone (including Hansol because why not? Jihoon almost forgot he got a gift for Chan too until he saw it at the bottom of his bag). Everyone had six gifts, except Jeonghan who had seven (obviously Seungcheol would fulfill his needs of having the urge to get more then everyone else despite how wrong that was but Jeonghan was Jeonghan).

Jihoon received a t shirt from Jeonghan with little cactus prints on them plus a $10 gift card to Etude House (which could literally get him like one item - wait, why would he even wear makeup?), a yellow t shirt with the words "cute" stamped on the chest and pink hair dye from Seungcheol (what were the boyfriends doing to him? Jihoon would probably never wear the t shirts but he might use the dye) a new phone case from Wonu that was red with a yellow smiley face on it (and the older boy held up his own phone to reveal a matching case with Jihoon rolled his eyes at), several pieces of candy and a giant chocolate Santa from Soonyoung, a black cap with a green alien in the centre from Jisoo, and a neon green wrist watch from Hansol (everyone got one colour of the rainbow and Hansol declared them as the "group of gays" despite Jun arguing that he was a straightie).

Everyone seemed content with their gifts, especially Jeonghan who promised Wonu to wear the My Little Pony t shirt because it was the edgiest gift he's ever gotten, and Jun who held everything with gentle hands. Jihoon would probably never wear any of the clothing or accessories, but they were nice and he was thankful for his friends to think of his when they see something. It made him feel like a sap but he loved his friends.

Jihoon didn't realize Jeonghan staring at him rather intensely from Seungcheol's lap, and he was laughing at Jisoo's lame joke about something that didn't make sense but had a ridiculous punch line. Jeonghan got out of Seungcheol's lap, the older boy not questioning it or even seeming to notice, and snuck in to sit between Soonyoung and Jihoon. Then he said, rather loudly, "Where'd you get this from?" He was motioning to the chain bracelet on Jihoon's wrist that has been exposed by the riding up of his sweater sleeves.

Jihoon flushed and stuttered. "You never wear accessories let alone jewelry," Jeonghan prodded, and this seemed to have caught the attention of everyone else. Jihoon hastily tugged the sleeves of his sweater, "It was a gift," He informed, expecting everyone to be satisfied with the answer. Apparently not. "From who? From what I recall, you literally don't have other friends than us," Wonu says, and Jihoon glares at him. "Not true; there's Chan-"

"The freshman?" Jun asks, and Jihoon looks at him. "Yeah? Oh, you were literally obsessed with him the day you guys met, you and Soonyoung, don't act like he isn't only my friend," Jihoon stumbles over his words quite pathetically, and Jeonghan waves everyone down. "Did he give you that?" Again, he motions to the hand where the gold chain sat upon. Jihoon sweats.

"Um, no," Jihoon says, earning stares from everyone. "It was Mingyu, actually." Jihoon admits. The stares he receive calm him down because they're not that surprised, much to his dismay. For some reason he was expecting a big reaction, maybe along the lines of "Really?!" in loud shouts. His friends are losers.

"Sheesh, Jihoon. Was that too hard to say? You make everything complicated," Jeonghan says, earning laughter from everyone. Jihoon pouts. "So. Are you guys a thing now?" Jeonghan asks, once again catching the attention of everyone. Jihoon flushes as he stutters. "A thing? What are you, a teenager? We're adults, Jeonghan," Jihoon snides in attempt to change the topic, but no one seems to budge. "Shut up. Are you guys dating then?" Jeonghan rolls his eyes, but doesn't hate Jihoon for being rude to him despite him being the hyung. Nobody hates Jihoon for being rude to them and using informal language despite all of them being the hyung to him because Jihoon would probably fight them. Jihoon shifts at Jeonghan's question and becomes visibly uncomfortable.

"Alright guys. Let's leave him alone. I'm more interested in Soonyoung; don't you have your eye on someone?" Seungcheol thankfully diverts everyone's attention to Soonyoung, and Jihoon is grateful as his face becomes red and his stomach feels like it's clenching. It wasn't hard to say no, that he and Mingyu weren't a thing, they weren't dating. But at the same time, it did - in the sense that it sucked because his friends would think he's wasting his time or something along the lines. He didn't miss the way Hansol looked genuinely curious too; Mingyu was apparently straight after all.

-

Apparently the person Soonyoung had his eye on was Chan. At least that's what Jihoon thinks. He wasn't listening that night.

Because why would Soonyoung blow him off to hang out with Chan? It's not that Jihoon was salty about it, it was cool that Jihoon actually introduced someone to his friends instead of it being the opposite way (Soonyoung was his first friend in university after coming to Seoul alone, and the older boy introduced Jihoon to Jeonghan and everything went from there. After being introduced to Wonu, Seungcheol, and Jun, they were all pretty much friends as a group before their second year). But now Jihoon would spend the last few days of Christmas holiday alone, and as much as he should use the time to work on homework he _just didn't want to._

The bracelet slides down his wrist when he places his chin in his palm, and Jihoon suddenly gets an idea. Maybe Mingyu wasn't busy. He hasn't seen the taller boy since before Christmas, and he should repay the boy for the gift.

Maybe the shops would have items on sale.

-

Jihoon didn't go to the shops. Mingyu wasn't at his apartment when Jihoon texted that he was going to stop by after having already left university campus, and Jihoon didn't want to go back because bus fares weren't cheap. So Mingyu said that there was a spare key in the potted plant outside of his apartment door, and Jihoon was welcomed to make himself at home while Mingyu finished his errands.

Thus, Jihoon avoided the shops and went straight for Mingyu's apartment.

When Jihoon arrived to the familiar apartment, the snowflakes that fallen in his hair and jacket melting and making him feel damp, he was quick to find the forsaken plant Mingyu mentioned (it was a tiny potted cactus that was left on the window sill next to other potted plants that were fake and didn't have real soil). Jihoon unlocked the apartment door and went inside, turning on the lights as he did so.

Being in Mingyu's small apartment alone with no one else was really strange. Jihoon felt like he shouldn't be there, but at the same time the familiarity of the small room felt almost calming. The bed was perfectly made, but Mingyu's desk and closet remained a mess like always. Once Jihoon took off his shoes and coat, he curiously decided to snoop around because what person wouldn't do any snooping when they're alone in someone elses home? Respectful people, probably, but they were lying if they denied that they weren't curious in the least, Jihoon just had little self-control and little self-respect if it wasn't obvious.

Jihoon didn't touch anything, he was just looking. All the paper on the desk seemed to revolve mostly around one subject; writing. Did Mingyu study literature in university? Was that his major? There were poems and examples of poems and full essays, all disinterested Jihoon because they weren't written by Mingyu (they seemed to be assignments) but it was nice learning what Mingyu did. There was also a laptop open but the screen was black; probably in sleep mode from being undisturbed for however long Mingyu last touched it. Jihoon pressed the space bar, and unfortunately the screen lit up to reveal the password login, and Jihoon pouted.

Jihoon went to the closet, which was a wardrobe at the end of Mingyu's bed. It couldn't close right from the amount of clothes shoved inside, and when Jihoon opened the door he felt his stomach flop.

There, on the hook hanging, seemingly clean with no wrinkles, was his grey t shirt. From the second night him and Mingyu slept together. It was the only shirt hanging, gently pressed against the wall of the wardrobe. Jihoon closed the doors before he could freak out in embarrassment, and just as he did so the door of the apartment jiggled. Jihoon jumped, quickly falling onto the bed in attempt to look like he totally wasn't looking around.

The door opened to reveal Mingyu holding a brown bag, the boy looking as good as ever in his dark trench coat, black jeans with ripped knees, combat boots, grey scarf tied loosely around his neck, dark hair slicked back casually, and tan skin glowing in the fluorescent lights. Jihoon shivered. Mingyu was so dark, and so handsome.

Jihoon compared himself: he was rather pale, he dyed his hair light brown frequently (one time he was blonde, and then a pastel pink), he wore the same three sweaters that were white, grey, and light blue, it seemed he only owned white t shirts (along with t shirts with ridiculous sayings and designs) and black jeans and weird socks. Jihoon was bright compared to Mingyu, who was dark.

**_Jihoon was the sun, while Mingyu was the moon._ **

Jihoon flushed at his own pathetic thoughts. God. He really was hopeless.

Mingyu stared at him while he put his stock of ramyeon noodles in his cabinet and jug of orange juice in the mini fridge. Jihoon wondered if Mingyu was struggling with money like he was, if the groceries, or lack of, were anything to go by. But then he remembered Mingyu didn't eat much as it was. Jihoon fell onto the bed with a sigh.

"What kind of things were you doing?" Jihoon asks, curious of what Mingyu does in his spare time. "Just doing errands. I had to get some groceries too," Mingyu says, and Jihoon turns onto his side, watching from the bed as Mingyu takes off his coat and shoes. "Hm. What an exciting life," Jihoon teases. Mingyu feigns hurt. "I resent that. But could the life of a 22 year olf university student really be exciting? I promise you that my life will be exciting, someday." Mingyu says, and Jihoon laughs.

"Sure, whatever you say," Jihoon laughs. Mingyu narrows his eyes as he comes over to the bed. "Okay. What about you? Is your life exciting? We're almost in the same situation, I bet your life is just as dull as mine," Mingyu sighs, and Jihoon shoves the taller boy when he sits down on the bed. "Dude. My life is exciting. Meeting chicks, getting drunk 24/7, living the good life, you know?" Jihoon jokes, and he appreciates when Mingyu snickers.

"Girls?" Mingyu asks, and Jihoon resents the surprised tone in his voice. Was it obvious that Jihoon was just that gay? Whatever. "Yeah. Girls. I love tiddies," Jihoon carries on his joke, and Mingyu barks a laugh. "Doubt it." He says, and Jihoon groans, falling into the pillows.

"Damnit. My homo-ness is too strong," Jihoon sighs in defeat. "Honestly though, if I had the choice, I'd probably be attracted to girls," Jihoon admits. "Boys suck. All of them." He says. It's true. It seems that all men want is sex (Jihoon coughs, because Mingyu doesn't count (he just doesn't), and most men touch him in ways that are too rough and they're so demanding. Jihoon shudders at the thought of his past bar experiments where one guy basically dry humped his leg on the dancefloor and probably jizzed in his pants.

"Dude. I can set you up with my friend, she's taller then you though-"

"Don't. Please," Jihoon says, kind of displeased at the response he gets. But what was he expecting? Mingyu to admit that he wasn't like most guys, when in all honesty, he (probably?) was? To tell Jihoon that he wasn't gross and wanted more then sex? Psh. Never. "Girls are nice. But no thanks."

Mingyu laughs.

Since they're on the topic of girls, Jihoon wants to ask Mingyu about his sexuality. That he's met Chan and Hansol and they know Mingyu as straight, and what that was all about. Was Mingyu ashamed of being gay or bisexual or whatever he was? Jihoon decided against asking though, because he didn't want to put the boy on the spot. He knew he should, but he just can't.

Instead Jihoon moves closer to Mingyu, placing a small hand on the taller boy's thigh. He looks up at Mingyu rather innocently, gently rubbing the softness of Mingyu's clothed thigh, and Mingyu's eyes darken. When Jihoon inches closer to Mingyu's crotch, it's all it takes for the taller boy to dominate; switching their positions and swinging his leg over Jihoon's body, the smaller boy gasping. Mingyu has his forehead against Jihoon's, mouth open and inches away from Jihoon's, whose eyes are glistening as they stare up at Mingyu.

Mingyu connects their lips in a rough kiss, Jihoon kisses back eagerly, hands attempting to tangle in the soft black hair but is instantly manhandled and left a writhing mess as Mingyu pins Jihoon's hands above his head. Jihoon moans into the kiss, feeling his veins light up as his skin becomes hot. Mingyu bites his bottom lip harshly as he pulls away, and Jihoon is panting.

"Wanna try something different, baby boy?" Mingyu asks, the deep, husky tone that Jihoon recognizes as the voice the taller boy uses during sex talk. Yes. Jihoon wants to try something different, whatever that may be. He's curious, and if curiosity killed the cat then Jihoon should've been dead long ago.

"Yeah," Jihoon replies, voice weaker than he'd like. Mingyu grins, eyes creasing into slits and Jihoon feels fluttery. Mingyu lets go of his wristd, bringing the hand down to gently caress Jihoon's cheek. "Okay. I'll need you to trust me, though," Mingyu says, and Jihoon knows he could do that. Mingyu honestly had Jihoon wrapped around his finger that if he wanted the smaller boy to jump off a building into a pit of plastic balls that were 100ft on the ground then Jihoon would probably do it. Trusting Mingyu was easy. "I trust you." Jihoon says, and Mingyu growls.

Mingyu gets onto his knees, tugging at Jihoon's jeans and the boy understands what he wants. Jihoon unbuttons his jeans, and Mingyu pulls them down swiftly, along with his underwear. There wasn't much foreplay to turn Jihoon on much, and he's half hard and Mingyu seems unsatisfied. The taller boy grips Jihoon's dick, and the smaller boy jolts.

"Is baby boy not excited?" Mingyu pouts, gently jerking Jihoon off and the boy bites his bottom lip harshly as he cheeks flush. He shakes his head, because if his body isn't physically responding, his heart was, and it was beating rapidly in his chest that Jihoon was afraid he might've gone into cardiac arrest. Mingyu releases Jihoon, and the boy whines. "Soon, baby." Mingyu mutters, running his hands down the inside of Jihoon's soft thights. Goosebumps rise on Jihoon's skin, his skin fire under Mingyu's touches.

The taller boy then tugs Jihoon's shirt, and the boy takes it off in a swift motion. Jihoon is completely nude, a huge contrast against Mingyu's clothes self. Mingyu plants kisses on Jihoon's chest, and the smaller boy writhes and pants, desperate for friction on his dick.

Then Mingyu moves up again, face above Jihoon's, their lips inches away. Jihoon is the one who surges up to connect their lips, and Mingyu growls, huge hands gripping Jihoon's thin bicep rather harshly that Jihoon moans at the thought of bruises littering his body (in the non-abusive way, that it).

Mingyu sits up, and Jihoon whines at the loss. "You said you'd trust me. Stay put." Mingyu says, and Jihoon moans. Mingyu pats Jihoon's thigh before moving up to stand on the floor, crouching down to reach under his bed. The taller boy pulls out a box, and curiously, Jihoon is watching, cheeks and chest flushed and heaving.

Mingyu opens the box, and Jihoon attempts to lift his head to see what's inside, but Mingyu is quick to retrieve what he's looking for and closing the box again. Jihoon pouts, but it disappears when he sees just what Mingyu has in his hands.

Silver handcuffs and a red ribbon.

Mingyu climbs on the bed again, and he pulls Jihoon up into a sitting position, and Jihoon shifts so he's resting on his knees. Mingyu's eyes are dark, irises blown wide and Jihoon's heart is bursting. Mingyu leans down for a kiss, and Jihoon kisses him desperately, eyes slipping closed.

Mingyu pulls away and Jihoon's eyes are slipping open. "No, keep them closed," Mingyu whispers, and Jihoon shivers as he nods and slips his eyes shut again. He suddenly feels nervous, and then he feels silk run on the bridge of his nose, and Jihoon could feel that Mingyu was tying the ribbon around his eyes. Jihoon's mouth is parted as nervous pants escape his lips, and he feels the ribbon tighten around his head, and Mingyu's hand sliding down to cup his cheek, and Jihoon leans into the touch. He can't see Mingyu, and the taller boy presses his thumb to the corner of Jihoon's mouth, and the smaller boy gently closes his lips around the digit.

Jihoon hears Mingyu's breath shift. He could hear the metal of the handcuffs opening, and Jihoon sucks on Mingyu's digit.

"Do you trust me?" Mingyu asks yet again.

Yes. Jihoon would trust Mingyu with a lot of things. He nods, holding his wrists out, the chain bracelet cold against his hot skin. Mingyu's hands trail down, touching the chain softly, and Jihoon gasps just then as cold, metal handcuffs are clasped around his wrists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be kinky bondage jigyu smut so look out fo dat ;)


	6. soft and breathless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon is ready for Mingyu to drop his baggage, ready to listen to the answer to his past questions. Mingyu looks nervous, and Jihoon places a hand on top of Mingyu's hand that's resting on his thigh.
> 
> "Tell me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys. i probably won't begin writing the next chapter either thursday or during the weekend because i'm SUPER busy this week and i wanted to get this chapter out before chaos ensued.  
> thanx all so much for your encouraging comments, and i enjoi writing smut and friendship scenes and this fic is filled with A LOT of these and that makes writing this fic fun for me. i don't know when this fic will come to an end, but i do have plans i just haven't expanded them but expect the final chapter very soon (not literal, don't expect it in time but rather the amount of chapters) (i hope this fic closes before the 20th chapter at least)  
> enjoi xoxox!!

_"Do you trust me?" Mingyu asks yet again._

_Yes. Jihoon would trust Mingyu with a lot of things. He nods, holding his wrists out, the chain bracelet cold against his hot skin. Mingyu's hands trail down, touching the chain softly, and Jihoon gasps just then as cold, metal handcuffs are clasped around his wrists._

Jihoon is _terrified_.

He can't see; he's lost a sense and everything feels numb for a moment. He's nervous, and he feels Mingyu's hand gently caress his own, warm, huge hands holding his pale cold hands as he calms down. Behind the scared little boy, Jihoon knew he would like this. He was surprising himself by the way he became obedient instantly when Mingyu held him down, pushing him against the sheets and Jihoon's back touched the cold sheets.

"So pretty," Jihoon hears Mingyu says, pining Jihoon's cuffed hands above his head. Jihoon gasps, feeling tingles rush throughout his body as darkness is all he could see but he could feel. He could feel Mingyu's eyes on his body, he could feel Mingyu's hands touch his body, touch his thighs, but never his dick. Jihoon whined. " _So so pretty_."

Jihoon was shaking, and he could understand why. He doesn't know the reason behind it; was it because he was still nervous or because he was desperate? He decided upon both as he felt Mingyu's breath against his skin on his chest, and he lifted his cuffed hands in attempt to pull the taller boy closer. His hands went to wrap around Mingyu's next, but the chains halted him from even being able to touch his own hands behind Mingyu's next.

The cold chain pressed against Mingyu's neck tightly, he growled, and Jihoon whined and instead slid his hands down Mingyu's chest, feeling the muscles flex under his touch.

Jihoon looked so pretty. Hair messy against the pillows, mouth open and lips wet with spit from constant licking, cheeks flushed a deep red that matched the silk ribbon tied around his eyes, dainty wrists confined in silver handcuffs, so much pale and smooth skin. Mingyu was obsessed. Jihoon was so obedient and willing to please whether he knew it or not, and the sounds he makes are so hot and Mingyu feels blessed to have met the boy.

"P-please," Jihoon begs. He doesn't know what he wants, he just wants to be touched. Constantly. "Touch me." He says in a whiney voice that makes Mingyu groan.

Mingyu touches Jihoon's dick, and the small boy gasps and ruts up into the touch. Mingyu uses his other hand to hold the boy's hips down, and Jihoon whines and writhes as Mingyu slowly jerks him off. His chest turns red from embarrassment as he attempts to break out of Mingyu's hold, and the taller boy growls.

"Don't be bad, _you're a good boy,_ remember?" Mingyu murmurs, and Jihoon halts his movements, panting wildly as he flushes more. He nods, biting his bottom lip and Mingyu just wants to kiss those red, pouty lips. He lets go of Jihoon, and the boy whines, but he's silenced by Mingyu's lips attacking his, and he moans into the kiss.

Jihoon arches his back when soft fingers ghost over his tummy, goosebumps raising on his skin as Mingyu's hand gently caresses him. He brings his connected hands down Mingyu's chest, purposely sliding the metal cuffs against his warm skin and eliciting low groans from the taller boy. He plants his hands on Mingyu's stomach, above the waistband of his jeans.

Jihoon dips his fingers under the jeans, unable to do so much than scratch at the patch of pubic hair and listen to Mingyu groan in his mouth. Their kiss is sloppy and wet, spit dribbles down Jihoon's chin and it feels disgusting but he can't bring himself to care.

All Jihoon can focus on is Mingyu and the way he's taking care of him.

Mingyu's hand, again, trails down Jihoon's body, and he grips his dick tightly and Jihoon's head falls back against the pillows as be lets out a breathy moan. Mingyu jerks him off at a fast pace, and Jihoon writhes against the sheets and wishes he could see so he could know what Mingyu is thinking just by looking at his facial expression.

"What do you want, baby boy?" Mingyu asks, breath hot against Jihoon's ear, then he trails kisses on the side of the boy's neck. Jihoon shivers, tilting his head to give more exposure to his neck as he lifts his hips up into Mingyu's touch. Jihoon wants to be fucked. Really bad. Only Mingyu can satisfy him. "Y-you." Jihoon stutters.

Mingyu's hand around Jihoon's dick slides down between his legs, and Jihoon spreads his legs wider and holds them high to give Mingyu more access. Mingyu's finger runs over his hole, and Jihoon shudders and pushes into the touch. It's a dry touch, and normally Jihoon would find it uncomfortable, but he's desperate.

Mingyu removes his hand, instead kissing down Jihoon's body, stopping to kiss each nipple to which elicits a light gasp from the boy. Then Mingyu is going more down, gently sucking on the soft skin as he placed light kisses on Jihoon's tummy. Jihoon lifts his hips, desperate to get any friction.

Jihoon can't see, but he can hear and feel. He could hear Mingyu between his legs, feel the lingering touches of his hot lips on the inside of his thighs. Jihoon whines, pushing his hips up, only for them to be held down by Mingyu. Then, ever so softly, Mingyu is gripping the base of Jihoon's dick, pressing a kiss to the tip, and Jihoon stutters as he falls like putty in Mingyu's hands.

Mingyu hums, and the air blows over Jihoon's dick that he twitches slightly. Jihoon gasps when he feels Mingyu's mouth wrap around his tip, gently sucking, and shivers run throughout his body as he whines pathetically and brings his hands down to thread his fingers through Mingyu's hair. Jihoon wishes he could see. He wants to see how Mingyu looks between his legs, mouth open with his dick between his lips.

Jihoon pants and his head falls against the pillows as Mingyu gently sucks the tip, jerking off what's not in his mouth. Jihoon is not that big, surely Mingyu could fit it all in without touching the back of his throat, and Jihoon lifts his hips at the thought.

Mingyu pulls away before Jihoon could become accustomed with having a blowjob, and he grunts and his hands are moved off of Mingyu's hair by the man himself, who pins them above Jihoon's head. Mingyu's hands cup the back of Jihoon's knees, tugging his legs apart further, and Jihoon complies. There's shifting and Mingyu's hands nowhere on Jihoon's body that the boy feels momentarily terrified (partially because he's blindfolded and his senses are messed up), until he feels Mingyu's hands touching his skin again.

It seems like things happen in a blur, because lips are against his, kissing ever so softly, but then the lips are gone and there's fingers pressing against his hole, slicked up and gently circling. Jihoon can barely hear himself moan at the intrusion because of the ringing in his ears, and for a moment he wonders what exactly is happening. Mingyu has since added a second finger, and when he curls them, Jihoon is brought back into reality, and he jolts. His breathing eradicates, and he's softly panting against the sheets, the chains around his wrists feeling heavier than they are.

"Hm. You look so good like this, baby boy. So helpless, so needy, so submissive," Mingyu murmurs in the voice that has Jihoon shivering, and Jihoon nods repeatedly as he pants and presses against Mingyu's fingers. God, he knows Mingyu has that look on his face - that satisfied smirk, and Jihoon wishes he could really do something to slap it off but all train of thoughts exit his mind when Mingyu presses something inside of him that has him seeing stars. "So pretty..."

Mingyu is removing his fingers, and Jihoon pants when the taller boy is gripping him by the arm and forcing him to sit up. Jihoon feels breathless and overwhelmed when he's brought up to his knees, gently reaching to grip only one of Mingyu's bicep because of his restraints, and he bites his lip when he feels Mingyu's lips against his neck, licking against the sensitive skin. One of Mingyu's hands reach behind and grip one of Jihoon's buttcheek, rolling the flesh in his large hand and Jihoon presses against the touch and sighs when Mingyu sucks and bites his neck, surely leaving marks.

"Ride me," Mingyu says against his neck, and it's more of demand that has Jihoon's thighs shaking as he nods. Mingyu moves up to Jihoon's lips, giving them a small peck that leaves Jihoon wanting more, out of comfort because he's scared. "Good boy. You're doing so good, there's nothing to be afraid of. _Trust me_." Mingyu whispers huskily against Jihoon's lips, and the smaller boy forces himself to calm down.

There's nothing to be afraid of, after all. Mingyu said so, and Jihoon trusts Mingyu.

Mingyu moves to sit on the bed, and his hands attach to Jihoon's hips, gripping them and moving the boy to move closer, thumb gently gliding over the protruding hip bone. Jihoon moves, using his sense of direction and Mingyu's lead as a guide so he doesn't fall over. Mingyu brings him closer so Jihoon's knees are on either side of Mingyu's hips, and he lowers so he's sitting on the taller boy's lap. Mingyu's hands find purchase on Jihoon's thighs, sliding up and down the soft skin as Jihoon reaches down and takes Mingyu's dick in his hand.

The chain from his handcuffs fall against Mingyu's dick, and whenever he jerks upwards, the cold chain drags against his dick that Mingyu's nails dig into Jihoon's thighs from the extra feeling, deep groans in his throat as Jihoon flushes. Then there's the sound of the bottle of lube being uncapped, Jihoon feels the slick drip against his hands, and he works the lube over Mingyu's dick all while the taller boy softly grunts and moves his hands to Jihoon's hips.

Once Mingyu is well lubed up, he's bringing Jihoon closer, and the smaller boy shifts forwards so that their position is workable. Jihoon concentrates, his heart beating too fast in his chest, as he reaches down between his legs and grips Mingyu's dick, pressing the tip against his hole and hears Mingyu sigh. Jihoon shifts, and then presses downward, the blunt head of Mingyu's dick breaching his hole and eliciting gasps and whines from Jihoon. Mingyu's grip on his hips tighten a lot and Jihoon works himself down on Mingyu's dick, the position giving Mingyu the chance to enter in deeper than usual and sending shivers up Jihoon's spine.

Jihoon is seated fully on Mingyu's lap, his breathing laboured as his cheeks feel hot and his thighs quiver. The stretch is intense, especially in this position, where he can feel everything inside of him wrapped around Mingyu tightly. The taller boy's breathing is uneven, and Jihoon relishes in the fact that he made Mingyu just as breathless as the taller did to him.

Jihoon circled his hips once, and he hissed before biting his lip to silence himself all the while Mingyu grunted and nails pressed deep into his hips. Jihoon circled again, feeling tingles run up his spine as he brought his cuffed hands to place against Mingyu's chest as leverage. His palms lay flat against the hardness of the younger boy's chest, and Jihoon whimpers when he feels the grip around his hips tighten more when he clenches around Mingyu.

Jihoon lifts his hips, clenching as he falls back down, eliciting a moan from not just himself but the younger boy as well. He does it again, and Mingyu gasps, hands falling down to cup the back of Jihoon's thighs, right under the plump flesh off his butt, pulling at the skin when Jihoon rises and falls yet again.

Jihoon picks up a steady pace, panting and whimpering with every pull up before gasping and moaning with ever fall down. Mingyu grunts and growls, hands massaging the hot skin of Jihoon's thighs as the older works himself on top of him. It's hard work, Jihoon breaks a sweat by the time he finds a proper rhythm, and little breathless noises leave his parted lips. Mingyu leans up, pushing their bodies closer, and attaches his mouth to the soft skin of Jihoon's neck, trailing kisses down to the boy's collarbone, where he sucks and nibbles the hot skin. Jihoon writhes on top of him, circling his hips wildly, toes curling at the sensation.

"So hot. So pretty, love you like this," Mingyu says against Jihoon's neck, to which the boy mewls pathetically and trails his hands up and wraps them both around Mingyu's neck, the chain falling against the younger's shoulder blades. " _So desperate_ ," There's a thumb pressing against Jihoon's bottom lip, and the older boy sighs as tingles shoot up his spine and goosebumps rise on his skin. " _So pliant_ ," Jihoon feels himself going numb to the touch, he circles his hips as his cheeks redden. " _So willing to be my submissive_."

Jihoon's stomach tightens, and he whines, wrapping his lips around the digit, gently biting it and running his tongue over the tip of Mingyu's thumb. Jihoon loves the concept of being only Mingyu's, letting the younger use him in ways no one else will ever, see him in ways no one else will ever. His body tingles at the thought. Mingyu presses his thumb deep inside Jihoon's mouth, and the smaller boy quakes as he scrapes his teeth against the digit and suck on it.

Mingyu's thumb is pulled out of Jihoon's mouth, replaced with a pair of familiar lips that has the older boy leaning forward and gripping the base of the younger boy's hair tightly. Their tongues swirl together, and Jihoon nibbles onto Mingyu's bottom lip as he pulls away, sighing and pushing the younger boy's chest. Mingyu is pushed down into the pillows, his hands still tight on Jihoon's thighs, and the older boy begins his pace again, placing his hands against Mingyu's chest. Every downward fall has gasps and moans leaving his lips, and he listens as Mingyu groans and sighs.

Jihoon could feel his edge near, and his thighs twitch and he arches his back. The arch has Jihoon falling down into that spot inside of him that has him seeing stars, loudly moaning as lightening bolts shoot up his veins and his stomach twist. Mingyu seems to sense that Jihoon's edge is near, because he reaches down and takes Jihoon's dick in his hand, creating a steady rhythm with the older boy's movements and said boy grunts and whines at the sensation, his hips faltering.

Then, Jihoon is being manhandled. Shoved back against the sheets and he whimpers when his hands are pinned above his head and Mingyu enters him once again, this time his thrusts are hard and erratic and Jihoon cries out as his body jolts. The sheets are cool against his hot skin, and Jihoon wraps his legs around Mingyu's waist as the other abuses his hole, thrusting like there's no tomorrow, panting heavily in the boy's ear.

Jihoon is spilling against their bodies, much to his dismay, and it was so surprising that he jolts upwards and reaches down and clamps a hand around his own dick, moaning pathetically as he circles his hips against Mingyu's hard thrusts. Hot come drips from Jihoon, and the older boy bites his bottom lip harshly. The older doesn't know Mingyu's reaction of coming unannounced, doesn't know if he's dissatisfied or impressed, but the younger boy is grunting, clamping his teeth against Jihoon's neck as his hips stutter and Jihoon clenches.

Mingyu is coming with a loud groan, hips faltering, and he forces Jihoon to be still. The older boy softly groans, nose buried in Mingyu's neck, clenching tightly around Mingyu who growls and digs his fingernails in the soft skin of the older boy's hips.

Jihoon's hands feel cold against Mingyu's hot skin, and both boys jolt at the contact. The older boy sighs as he falls back into the sheets, body tensing and shaky. He could feel Mingyu's hips lightly circling, and he writhes at the sensitivity coursing through his veins.

Mingyu's hand slides down from Jihoon's hip to cup his buttcheek, gently squeezing the flesh between his hands, and the smaller boy whines. Mingyu pulls out, hands still roaming the older boy's body, and Jihoon sighs as he drops his legs and becomes limp.

Jihoon feels dirty. The come on his stomach is uncomfortable and the sweat sticking to his body feels grimy. Mingyu has gotten up from the bed after planting numerous kisses along Jihoon's neck and shoulder, and the older boy forces himself to sit up, sliding against the sheets until he's sitting at the edge of the bed. His hands are in his lap and his head hangs low - he's too tired and his body aches to even attempt to stand and Jihoon mentally laughs at himself.

Jihoon jumps when he feels hands touch his shoulders, and Mingyu is chuckling lightly, crouching down onto his knees to be somewhat level with the smaller boy. Then hands are around the older boy's head, loosening the ties around the silk blindfold, and when the blindfold is slid down his face and falls down to Jihoon's neck, Mingyu's hands slide to caress the older boy's cheek, and Jihoon mewls into the touch, pressing his cheek against the palm as his eyes flutter open. Mingyu looks ethereal, and Jihoon flushes intensely.

Mingyu pulls Jihoon into a soft kiss, eyes fluttering closed yet again as he whines into the kiss. Mingyu pulls away, hands trailing down to Jihoon's wrists, taking the dainty hands into his own. The handcuffs are unlocked by a small key, and the metal clasps are removed, there are faint red lines around Jihoon's wrists from where he tugged at the restraints, and Mingyu's thumb brushes over them as he stands up and pulls the smaller boy up with him. Jihoon moaning in protest the entire time as Mingyu leads him to the bathroom.

The hot spray of water calms Jihoon's aching muscles, and he gets disappointed when he sees Mingyu leaving the bathroom, but he doesn't voice it out. Instead he lathers himself in body wash and shampoo, too much he might add, but he doesn't really care as the scent of musk fills the entire bathroom. Once Jihoon is done in the shower, he shuts off the spray and steps out onto the floor, receiving a fluffy towel from the cabinet and burying his entire self in the softness.

Jihoon comes out of the bathroom once he's dried himself up as much as he can, the towel wrapped around his shoulders, and he goes towards Mingyu's closet, pulling out a pair of underwear, not caring if Mingyu would protest or not. He's tired, and he drops the towel and slips on the underwear. When he turns around to get on the bed, Mingyu is staring at him rather shamelessly. Jihoon narrows his eyes as he climbs onto the bed.

Jihoon climbs under the covers, curling into himself as he sighs and leans into the pillows and closes his eyes. Mingyu turns off the lamp on his bedside, and suddenly the room is engulfed in darkness, and a body is pressing against Jihoon's. Jihoon uncurls and turns around, and Mingyu's arm slides around his waist and pulls the smaller boy closer. Jihoon wraps a leg around Mingyu's own leg, placing his head comfortably on the taller boy's shoulder.

Very quickly, Jihoon is falling asleep.

-

It's December 30th, Jisoo's 24th birthday, but also the closing of the holiday as classes begin on the 2nd. Jihoon hasn't seen Chan since before holiday break, so he texts the teenager and asks if he wants to come along with him to Jisoo's small party that's taking place at, wait for it, Seungcheol's apartment. The younger boy texts back minutes after Jihoon sent the text, accepting the offer with four smiley emojis.

Jihoon decided a shower was much needed since he's been nothing but a lazy slob all of yesterday. So he texts Chan the address to Seungcheol's apartment and what time they'd meet there before he leaves to his tiny dorm bathroom.

Jihoon takes off his chain bracelet out of care to not ruin the gift and places it on the counter before turning on the shower and discarding his clothes and dropping them to the floor. He steps under the warm spray and sighs and he reaches for his strawberry scented body wash and lathers it all over himself, bubbles and foam circling the drain.

As Jihoon showered, he was unaware of the person who opened the door to his dorm and came inside.

Once the boy was done shampooing and conditioning, he turned off the shower and came out of the stall, taking his towel off the rack and drying himself as best as he could. Jihoon put the bracelet back on, admiring the small music note momentarily before using the towel to dry his hair as best as he could. From the bathroom, Jihoon heard his phone ringing.

It was probably Jeonghan - the only person who ever actually called him, and he hated when especially Jihoon ignored his calls, so the boy sighed as he exited the bathroom, going straight to his phone on the nightstand. The towel resting around his shoulders nearly slid off when he brought the phone to his ear, and Jihoon held the cloth tightly as he answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Jihoonie! Don't forget it's Jisoo's birthday ~"

"How could I forget when it's all you guys have been talking about since Christmas?" Jihoon asks, to which Jeonghan laughs and the younger boy could hear the eyeroll through the phone. "What I mean is, don't forget that we have two bottles of vodka and I'm calling to make sure you'll have a proper ride home. That is, if you wanna crash here. Jisoo and Hansol are, Seungcheol even when far to prepare the guest room and I'm sure there won't be a problem making a bed on the floor for you." Jeonghan offers.

"We'll see how the night goes~" Jihoon and Jeonghan laugh. "But can Chan come? I haven't seen him since before the break, and he's easy to make friends with," Jihoon says. Jeonghan seems enthusiastic about the mention of new people. "Chan? Yeah, he can come! I'm sure Jisoo wouldn't mind, he's pretty shy to go out and make new friends himself, so I think he'll appreciate us introducing potential friends to him. Just like how Seungcheol introduced Hansol to him, now look at them."

Jihoon imagines Seungcheol introducing Hansol to Jisoo, since they're both pretty quiet it must've been awkward. It's a cute thought and Jihoon chuckles. "Okay. I'm going to go, I'm literally naked as we speak," Jihoon says, and Jeonghan groans. " _Are you with someone?_ " He shrieks. Jihoon gasps, "What? Never!"

Both boys bid goodbye and Jihoon ends the call.

"Nice ass."

Jihoon jumps and turns around to face Mingyu, who is standing near the desk, leaning against the furniture as Jihoon uses the towel to cover himself. The atmosphere is playful, and Jihoon shakes his head with a shy smile and he moves towards his dresser near the bed.

"So you're hanging out with Chan without me? He's my friend, too," Jihoon could hear the pout that comes with these words from the younger boy and and lightly laughs as he pulls out underwear and slips it on, dropping the towel to the floor. "How'd you even get in here? I'm almost certain the door was locked," Jihoon asks, pulling out black jeans with rips in the knees. "It wasn't. I was going to knock, I really was. But since the door was unlocked, I just came in." Mingyu has moved across the small dorm, coming behind Jihoon and wrapping one arm around the shorter's waist and using the other hand to rummage the t shirts folded neatly in Jihoon's drawer.

Jihoon gives Mingyu a suspicious glance, but he accepts the answer because there are times when Jihoon forgets to lock the door. Maybe he forgot to lock it when he came back from the cafeteria for breakfast. Mingyu's hands find a soft pink t shirt at the bottom of the folded piles of tops, and he pulls it out as Jihoon stumbles to put on his jeans.

"Jeonghan-ah, my friend, got me that for Christmas last year. He always gets me shirts from the girls section," Jihoon informs as Mingyu unfolds the delicate fabric to reveal a small cacti on the breast of the pink shirt. "He even got me a cacti printed shirt this Christmas, like I would actually wear them," Jihoon laughs as he buttons his jeans. Mingyu turns around, holding the too small t shirt against himself. "Wear this. You'll look so cute!" Jihoon scoffs, narrowing his eyes at Mingyu who looks anything but sorry.

"No! It's probably way too small on me, it's a women's size after all," Jihoon attempts to protest, but he knows deep down that he could fit it, it'll probably just be fitting in some places. "It's cute!" Mingyu argues. They stare each other down, and Mingyu's eyes are hard and intense, and Jihoon could feel himself crumbling.

Jihoon inevitably snatches the pink t shirt out of Mingyu's hands, ignoring the satisfied smirk that appears on Mingyu's face. He slips the t shirt over his head, not caring if it's right in front of Mingyu and he should be embarrassed dressing in front of people in general, but he tugs the fabric over his body, surprised at how much looser the shirt was then he expected. It doesn't do his pale skin justice, and he thinks he looks too pale, but the adoration on Mingyu's face makes him flush as he retreats to the bathroom, where there's a full length mirror against the back of the door.

The t shirt isn't that bad, not particularly anything Jihoon would wear to his own choosing, but it wasn't as tacky looking as he expected. It hugged his body nicely, and he had to admit that it was cute. He could almost hear the smirk on Mingyu's face from the bathroom.

"I hate it," Jihoon announces when he exits the bathroom, out of spite that Mingyu shouldn't be satisfied, and that he was stubborn in general. "But I'll wear it," He adds, narrowing his eyes when Mingyu looks proud. "Good. You look good, really. If I could pull off cute clothing, I would wear it. But I can't. And seeing you wear it is much better, anyway."

Jihoon ignores the fact that his cheeks almost resemble the colour of his t shirt.

-

It's not like Jihoon didn't want Mingyu to come to Jisoo's birthday party, he was expecting the younger to politely decline, because meeting the friends of your fuck buddy was stepping into potential danger, and it wouldn't feel right. But Mingyu wanted to come. As long as it was okay with Jisoo (or Jeonghan, in Jihoon's case. Jeonghan was the person who accepted or declined invitations for everyone's parties, birthday's included), and surprisingly it was.

Jeonghan was more than excited to meet Mingyu. And Jihoon had to hang up the phone before Jeonghan began saying embarrassing things. Mingyu smiled, rather pleased at the fact that he was about to meet the closest people in Jihoon's life besides his family (he was almost certain Mingyu would never meet his parents, much to his disappointment, but it was what the harsh reality of their situation seemed to come to). They left Jihoon's door an hour after, when 5pm rolled around, after arguing for the past half hour about anything they could.

When they arrived to Seungcheol's apartment, Jihoon was surprised to see Chan waiting near the entrance.

"Hey Chan!" Both Mingyu and Jihoon shouted from the distance. The two boys looked at each other, before Mingyu began booking it to where Chan stood. Said younger boy looked up from his phone, only to see two of his hyungs running towards him. "Hey Chan, you look great. I missed your small face," Mingyu says, and Jihoon pushes the taller boy to the side, standing in front of Chan who was just a bit taller than him. "Hey Chan, I got you a Christmas gift because you seem really nice and I hope we become good friends." Jihoon hands Chan a tiny box wrapped neatly with a bow in the centre. Chan looks surprised and happy.

"Wow! I really didn't expect this, I feel bad now, because I didn't get you a gift, hyung," Chan says, but the smile still on his face doesn't match his emotions and Jihoon doesn't mind. "Oh, it doesn't matter," He says. Chan takes the gift and bows politely at Jihoon. "Thank you!" Chan says with a soft smile. Jihoon feels proud as he feels Mingyu's eyes at the back of his head. "Let's all go inside. I'm sure the others want to meet you, Chan. Plus, Soonyoung is probably already here."

The mention of Soonyoung has Chan perking up to stand tall and confident, and Jihoon doesn't dismiss the action as the three boys enter the building complex.

In the elevator, Chan opens his gift, which is a simple gold chain that he adores. It makes Jihoon feel proud, because for once he has a dongsaeng who appreciates him instead of five annoying hyungs who makes him do stuff for them because he's the maknae.

Seungcheol's apartment is decorated with streamers and Jihoon wonders for a moment if this is a party for a 4 year old child instead of a 24 year old man. The Jeongcheol couple are laughing in the kitchen when Jihoon enters the apartment with Mingyu and Chan in tow. He's worried if things will be too awkward between his friends and Mingyu, not so much with Chan as the boy is talkative and positive.

"Oh, Jihoonie! Nice to see you," Jeonghan says, and Jihoon could immediately tell that Jeonghan is putting on an act in front of the new guests. "And you must be Chan," Jeonghan comes over and Chan nods. "Lee Chan, nice to meet you," Chan greets with a small bow. Jeonghan smiles and returns it. "And you..." Jeonghan looks up at Mingyu, who Jihoon notices is taller than Jeonghan by just a few centimetres. "Must be Mingyu. We've all heard so much about you~"

"Okay! Don't you have Seungcheol to like, kiss, or something?" Jihoon's cheeks redden in embarrassment, and he's tok embarrassed to look back at both Chan and Mingyu. Jeonghan laughs, "That's already taken care of. Jihoon, please. Take the new guests to the living room, Jisoo, Hansol, Wonu, and Soonyoung are here, along with new guests. They're Hansol's friends. Jun will be here shortly, poor boy almost died slipping on the ice." Jeonghan walks towards Seungcheol with a few laughs.

The mention of Hansol has Mingyu shifting uncomfortably, and Jihoon doesn't notice as he leads both Mingyu and Chan to the living room. There's more streamers but almost balloons inflated by oxygen laying all over the floor. There's three unfamiliar people in the room, and Jihoon is quick to notice them. Chan looks rather surprised.

"Dude! This is so weird," Chan laughs, catching the attention of everyone in the living room. Suddenly, one of the new boys with dyed blonde hair and high cheekbones is standing up. "Chan! Mingyu! This is literally a small world we're in," He says, and Chan agrees. Jihoon is confused, and he seems to be the only one too, because the blonde haired boy is laughing. "We're friends! Me, Chan, Mingyu, Seokmin, and Minghao, we're Hansol's friends."

Jihoon is still confused, but he understands the gist of whatever is going on. "Our friend groups literally just emerged," The boy with red hair sitting on the floor with a balloon on his lap says. "I heard about you~" The boy with blonde hair that remains nameless, points to Jihoon, "From Chan, but I didn't know you were the Jihoon Hansol told me about."

Jihoon narrows his eyes at Hansol. He wonders just what Hansol told the boy, because as far as he knows, Hansol had found out that Mingyu and Jihoon were doing things friends wouldn't normally do, but Jisoo hadn't clarified what, and Jihoon changed the subject after Hansol laughed because Mingyu was straight. Hansol looked sheepish.

"Cool," Jihoon says, even though he was both Confused and Conflicted. "Happy birthday, Jisoo." Jihoon says, and Jisoo nods in acknowledgment.

 

The party is quick to turn from small talk and proper introductions (the blonde haired boy is Seungkwan, and the red haired boy is Minghao, the other boy is Seokmin who is the literal sun with his bright smile and positivity) to everyone taking shots (including Chan, who insists that this wasn't his first time getting drunk, and everyone just wants to have a good time so they let the boy have a few shots despite being underage). Jun had arrived long before, and was mingling with Wonu and Minghao. Jihoon was with Seungkwan and Hansol, giving the new comers (Chan and Mingyu) to talk to Jihoon's friends and get to know each other. Mingyu, from what Jihoon could see, looks fairly comfortable as he talks to Jeonghan and Soonyoung, and Jihoon prays to God that neither of them are exposing him or interrogating Mingyu about their relationship status.

It gives Jihoon anxiety, and he doesn't know how to feel about that as he constantly switches between Hansol and Seungkwan to watching Mingyu from across the room.

The evening goes by slowly in Jihoon's opinion, but it seemed to go quick for most, because by 8pm, there's five fully drunk men and seven buzzed boys. Jihoon's cheeks and face are hot, and he licks his lips as a drunk Wonu practically hangs off of Mingyu. Not literal, but they've been talking for a majority of the evening. It makes Jihoon feel betrayed that his own friend would hit up his Mingyu, but he can't really do anything about it.

Jisoo comes over towards Jihoon, after noticing the smaller boy glaring holes into Wonu's head. "Hey," The Asian-American greets. Jihoon doesn't say hi back but he acknowledges his hyung. "Wonu isn't flirting with Mingyu. I've easvedropped on their conversation many times throughout the night, and they talk a lot about hip hop," Jihoon can't help but still feel a bit jealous. "Hansol is into hip hop, too, but they haven't become close enough to talk about it. I know Seungcheol put hip hop behind him to focus more on becoming a doctor, maybe that's why Wonu is surrounding Mingyu so much. He probably found someone who shares a passion with him."

This has Jihoon feeling guilty for despising Wonu talking to Mingyu for half of the night, but he's still petty and stubborn and only nods at Jisoo's words. Jeonghan is coming over towards them, and of course he's one of the five fully drunks, Wonu, Hansol, Seungkwan, and Minghao being the other ones. "Hey Jihoonie. Hey Jisoo. Jihoon! You're wearing my Christmas gift! You've never done that before!" Jeonghan practically rips open Jihoon's zipper sweater to reveal the pastel pink t shirt. Jihoon feels embarrassed when Jeonghan's eyes linger on the bruises Jihoon's knows are exposed when the sweater is moved. He needs to have a talk with Mingyu about leaving marks higher up then where his t shirts sit.

"There's a reason I never wear them," He says, attempting to zip uo his sweater and hide his hickies, and Jeonghan pouts. "Dude. I look at the shirts and I think of you. I can't help but picture you as a 12 year old girl," Jeonghan says, and Jihoon is offended and he hits Jeonghan chest. "Hey! Is that anyway to treat your hyung?" Jeonghan teases and Jisoo laughs as Jihoon rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. "Also, I stole the Etude House gift card I gave you when I went to your dorm a few days ago, I needed new toner. This face doesn't have a natural flawless tone, it needs help, unfortunately. You weren't there, and you're a dummy for not locking your door." Jeonghan flicks Jihoon's forehead and the younger boy swats his hand away.

Seokmin is suddenly arguing with Seungkwan, not literal where there's vemon in their words, but about what game they should play on the game system. It's a war between Just Dance and Mario Cart, but eventually Just Dance wins because the thought of drunk/buzzed men dancing amuses everyone.

As the game is being set up, Jihoon is shocked to feel hands wrap around his shoulders. He looks up to see Mingyu with flushed cheeks and glossy eyes. The taller doesn't look down at Jihoon, and the smaller crosses his arms.

"Wonu is a cool guy," Mingyu says, and his tone reveals that he genuinely means it. "Also Jeonghan and Jisoo. Every one of your friends are cool, they're all so nice," Mingyu admits. Jihoon nods. "They are. So are your friends. I mean, I guess Chan is now our friend, but Seungkwan and Seokmin are cool. They're really loud and funny," Jihoon says. Seungkwan is yelling at Jun to straighten the dance pad. "I feel like I'm the quiet one. Seungkwan, Seokmin, Chan, heck even Hansol and Minghao are able to easily talk to people, I hate depending on them to introduce me to new people."

Jihoon doesn't know if it's the alcohol talking or Mingyu, or maybe both, but he feels pity for the taller boy. "No one introduced us together," Jihoon suddenly says. Mingyu is silent, and the shorter boy looks up. Mingyu is softly smiling. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess." He murmurs with a shy chuckle. Mingyu's arm tighten around Jihoon's shoulder, and out of nowhere (seemingly) Mingyu is handing Jihoon a glass shot of straight vodka.

Chan and Seungkwan are playing 1 vs 1 on Just Dance with the others cheering for Team Lee and Team Boo. Jihoon takes the shot, and he taps the glass against Mingyu's own shot as he downs the alcohol all in one swig. Jihoon grimaces, feeling the burning sensation flow down his throat as Mingyu's expression is the same as his own.

Jihoon waits for the alcohol to settle, and it impairs his vision and balance a bit more. He feels more confident, but his movements don't match up to his feelings and he stumbles slightly. Mingyu laughs, taking a hold of the smaller boy. Mingyu leads Jihoon away from the crowd, where they now shout for Team Kwon and Team Yoon.

Jihoon allows himself to be lead into the hallway by Mingyu, his stomach filling with warmth. They reach the door to the guest room, and Mingyu opens the door.

"I need to talk to you," Mingyu says, finally explaining why they abandoned the party. Jihoon nods. "About myself. That I can't say when I'm not at least buzzed," Mingyu adds, and Jihoon becomes curious. "What is it?" He asks. Mingyu leads Jihoon down to sit on the bed, and he sits beside him. The faint sound of the people in the living room shouting echoes throughout the room, and Jihoon wonders how they haven't got complaints yet because this party certainly wasn't quiet.

Mingyu is suddenly drawing his attention by placing a hand on his thigh.

"I want to talk to you, about myself. I think you know that, to my friends at least, that I'm straight, right?" Mingyu asks, and Jihoon nods, looking up at Mingyu and connecting their eyes. "I'm obviously not straight. But it's complicated, and I'll try to tell you why I'm not out to my friends - to anyone. It won't be surprising, but I want you to know."

Jihoon is ready for Mingyu to drop his baggage, ready to listen to the answer to his past questions. Mingyu looks nervous, and Jihoon places a hand on top of Mingyu's hand that's resting on his thigh.

"Tell me."

Mingyu exhales and then begins to speak.


	7. what am i to you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon diverts his eyes because Mingyu doesn't deserve to see the truth within them, doesn't deserve to know him like that anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!! sorry for the long wait for this chapter. but it's here!! i was so busy the past two weeks I'm not even exaggerating. also this chapter is horrible and i might lose readers because of the basic plot line but this fic was originally going to be just porn - porn without plot. but i couldn't help but make things complicated with mingyus backstory. mingyu is an interesting character to me, he's my favorite so far.
> 
> also can you see my writing progressively worsen? I promise to make chapters better and stuff. regular weekly updates will continue after this. thanx for waiting.
> 
> enjoi my basic fanfiction with a basic plot and basic problems :))

_Mingyu opened his mouth and began to speak._

"Okay. I'm not going to make this too long, or I'll begin rambling and confusing everything. I don't know; maybe I shouldn't say this," Mingyu looked uncertain, and Jihoon was still so curious. "No, tell me. Whatever it is, it's probably not a big deal," Jihoon says, and he doesn't miss Mingyu frown deeper before shaking his head. "Okay. Whatever. You're right, it's just me overthinking. Haha, it's not really that bad." Mingyu still looks uncertain and fairly uncomfortable. Jihoon isn't sure what to do.

"Well, my parents," Jihoon immediately understands without having to hear more. Korean parents are stricly traditional, obviously they'll be a part of Mingyu's confusing personality and choices. "They're - well, traditional. Especially with the whole man/woman stuff. It was encouraged and taught to me as a kid, like you probably were aswell," Jihoon nods because yeah, his parents did force heterosexuality down his throat as a child. Mingyu continues, looking just as uncomfortable. "Anyway, they really hate the idea of man/man, and I don't know what to do. I've had girlfriends, a lot of them, you probably know that from Hansol running his mouth.

"But, obviously, that's not exactly what I am. I was never, let's say, attracted to those girls. I think I only dated them to get my parents off my back. The first time I implied I might not be straight, my dad really wasn't happy. He laughed in my face and told me to man up, that fags were damned to hell. I was scared, I wanted to stand up to him because I have gay friends - Hansol and Chan - but I just felt small and put down. So I hid it. I hid my sexuality behind girls and travelling to a different city for university so my parents wouldn't find out. I didn't even tell Hansol, Chan, Seungkwan, anyone. About my parents, or my sexuality.

That's why I'm so nervous whenever you're around my friends. Especially Hansol. I'm guessing you've told your friends about us?" Jihoon can't help but to nod his head, and Mingyu lets out an uncomfortable laugh. "What if Jisoo told Hansol? And Hansol would know and wonder why I didn't tell him a huge part of myself? And He gets angry and tell my parents? -" Mingyu looks so exasperated, and Jihoon cuts him off. "You're overthinking it. Hansol wouldn't have betray you like that. Jisoo isn't the type to talk about other people's lives, especially when he doesn't know full details. I never told Jisoo specifically anything about you, us." Jihoon places a small hand on Mingyu's shoulder, and the taller boy looks down to the pale hand momentarily before looking up at Jihoon's face. There's uncertainty etched onto his features.

Jihoon forgets that they're both intoxicated and having an intimate conversation in someone else's bed, someone else's home.

"My parents play a huge part in why I'm so secretive and keep to myself, especially about things like this. But it's also the fear of being judged. It's stupid, you were right. But I'm very cautious about my image, if it wasn't obvious. It really isn't ideal to see man and man holding hands compared to man and woman, especially when Korea is still so conservative." Mingyu shrugs, Jihoon can't help but to get a tad angry.

"Is gay PDA wrong for you to see?" He asks, removing his hand from Mingyu's shoulder. Mingyu looks shocked. "What? No, not wrong. I honestly don't care," Mingyu stumbles, looking small as Jihoon simmers down. "If you think it doesn't matter, then it doesn't matter. Who cares what other people think? They don't control the way you feel. You can't let them." Jihoon is furiated but he doesn't want to make Mingyu's fears seem pathetic (even though they totally were).

"So you say you're straight to obey your parent's idealistics about relationships, you're scared your friends will judge you even though half of them are gay themselves, and you have a fear of being publicly humiliated," Jihoon repeats the key points of Mingyu's problems, and the taller looks embarrassed. "Well, when you say it like that, it sounds ridiculous." He says. Jihoon narrows his eyes at the boy. Mingyu looks just as frustrated as Jihoon, the alcohol makes his eyes glossy and red, and Jihoon would probably be scared of an angry, drunk Mingyu if he didn't know him.

"I'm scared. Of losing my parents. I love them, Jihoon. I really do. They're so nice and caring when they're not discriminatory," Mingyu looks so so conflicted and Jihoon's fury dims down a lot as Mingyu hunches over and tugs at his hair. They're intoxicated, he knows that if they were sober then Mingyu wouldn't have revealed what he just revealed. "I'm scared of losing my whole family - my grandparents. All because they don't agree with a part of me I can't change. They're all I have." Jihoon wants to comfort the boy, tell him that'll it'll be okay. But instead he's put off by the last part.

"What did you just say? Your parents are all that you have?" Jihoon is angry, upset, and _betrayed_. Mingyu looks up, confused and shaken. "You're such a fucking idiot, sometimes, Kim Mingyu," Jihoon laughs bitterly, his stomach tugging. "I'm pretty sure Chan, Hansol, Seungkwan, Minghao, Seokmin - hell even my friends, give a shit about you." Jihoon snarls.

"N-no, that's not what I meant -" Mingyu stutters but is cut off by Jihoon. "You say your parents are all that you have when you have friends in the other room - your close friends, who've been with you since you were children. My friends, who'll look after you like you were their own brother. _Me_..." Jihoon stops, embarrassed, and Mingyu feels a pull in his gut.

"You have me," Jihoon's afraid to _say_ why Mingyu can depend on him, so he leaves words unsaid. "You have all of us, Mingyu, yet you say you only have your parents who probably wouldn't give a shit about you once you came out. Life isn't the fairytale you think it to be where you can hide a huge part of yourself from your friends and family and pretend you're happy, it's harsh and heartbreaking; you'll drain yourself out by hiding for so long. Sometimes you have to make decisions, even decisions that might require losing family, just to live life as yourself, to be happy. I haven't spoken to my brother in 6 years because I learned that the hard way." The mention of Jihoon's brother has the shorter boy shocked. He never told anyone that he had a brother, because his brother moved to America before he started university, ashamed to be apart of the family that allowed homosexuality, and Jihoon was so hurt that he never mentioned it since. Something falls in Jihoon's stomach.

Mingyu looks shocked, but before he can react, Jihoon is darting to the bathroom across the hall, abruptly throwing up in the toilet. He heaves as his arms shake when he holds himself up on the toilet, the acid burns of alcohol turning up on the tip of his tongue. Suddenly there's hands gently stroking his hair and patting his back. Jihoon dry heaves.

"Were you angry?" Soonyoung asks, and Jihoon responds in a groan. "You only ever throw up when you're angry while drunk. Unlike Jeonghan who full on sobs and tells everyone a repeat of his life story," Soonyoung says, and Jihoon weakly chuckles as he slumps against the space between the toilet and the bathroom counter. "Oh, Seungkwan threw up in the fake potted plant in the living room and he got upset that he began to cry. Jeonghan laughed and said it was okay, that they meant to throw out thay plant ages ago. Seungkwan is a charming guy."

Jihoon chuckles pathetically at the image in his head of Seungkwan crying. Soonyoung doesn't look buzzed, much like Jihoon anymore. He sits on the edge of the bathtub, bleached hair tucked under a basketball cap and maroon sweater stained with liquids. Jihoon thinks he himself looks a mess.

"Why'd I have to fall in love with a problematic, pathetic mess," Jihoon blurts, sinking more into the crevice out of embarrassment. "Woah, I didn't know you loved me," Soonyoung jokes, Jihoon huffs. Jihoon knows love is a way too strong word, that he is over exaggerating. "Really? Love?" Soonyoung asks, serious once again. "You love Mingyu?"

"No. Not really. But fuck, I like him so much. He's so pathetic though. Even though he looks tough and cool, deep down he's a pathetic squish. Pathetic, pathetic," Jihoon is rambling now, and Soonyoung chuckles. "I don't know much about him, other than you saying he's straight, which I don't understand, but maybe he just needs someone. To help him. Maybe not the physiological help, but to help keep him grounded. Like, help with whatever he needs.

"He won't ask for help. Not that I know of. There's not much to help him with, too. It's personal problems that everyone should fix on their own. God. See? Pathetic," Jihoon's head falls against the wall. Soonyoung narrows his eyes. "I don't know if you mean Mingyu or you." Jihoon kicks Soonyoung's shin, the boy laughs as he nearly falls back into the tub.

Just then, Seungcheol walks into the bathroom. "Oh. When you're done talking about each other's tragic childhood stories, get out. Or I'll piss of your face," Seungcheol says, both Jihoon and Soonyoung make a face of disgust. "Ugh, passive aggressive much?" Jihoon snides. Soonyoung laughs but stands up, reaching a hand towards Jihoon, who takes it and is helped off of the floor. As the duo leave the bathroom, Seungcheol mutters "Dumb drunk gays."

"Are you okay? Like, for real," Soonyoung asks when the bathroom door closes. Jihoon shrugs. "Yeah. I am, thanks bro," He says, earning a pat on the back from the older boy. "No problem. Like I said before, I'm always here to listen to your problems, even when you're drunk and won't shut the fuck up; I'm here for you." Jihoon slaps Soonyoung's chest, who laughs and wraps his arm around the shorter's shoulders.

"Shut up. I'm not even drunk, just slightly buzzed but most if it's already gone from me throwing it up into the toilet." Jihoon hisses, cheeks reddening from natural embarrassment.

Jeonghan turns the corner, staggering slightly with each step. "Hey boys," He greets the younger boys. "Have you seen my husband?" Jeonghan asks, with a giggle as he leans against the wall. Jihoon and Soonyoung snicker. "He's in the bathroom," Soonyoung informs. Jeonghan nods, "Thanks so much, I thought he left me."

"Jeonghan, what the fuck? You both live here, where else is there to go?" Jihoon asks, earning a chuckle from Soonyoung as Jeonghan lolls his head against the wall. "You're right, but shut the fuck up." Jeonghan quips, walking right past the two boys and going into the bathroom even when Seungcheol could be heard protesting.

Loud laughter echos from the living room, the two boys exchange looks. Having forgotten about Mingyu in the midst of the moment, Jihoon goes into the living room with Soonyoung to enjoy himself with friends on Jisoo's birthday.

-

It's been a week since Jihoon saw Mingyu. Class has started again since then, and Jihoon was determined to keep his 80% average (which was good for a third year university student, he might add) by doing extra studying at the library with either Soonyoung, Chan, or Jun or simply by himself. Jihoon hasn't seen any of Mingyu's friends since Jisoo's birthday either, not even Hansol (but then again, he was seeing less and less of Jisoo these past months).

Tonight was no exception. Jihoon packed up his book bag and walked across campus to go to the library, where he was to meet Chan. Chan was becoming more friendly with Jihoon that the older boy could probably deem the dongsaeng as his friend instead of "one of Mingyu's friends". It was a Thursday night and Jihoon had a test tomorrow so it was only right to study for it. When he got to the library, it was almost empty, save for the two girls sitting at the far back together. Jihoon took a seat on the table near the centre, just three tables away from the girls. They watched him curiously, and Jihoon wondered if they were first years.

His own curiosity ran short, however, when Chan came storming into the library as loud as a permanently enthusiastic 18 year old can be, and plonked down right across Jihoon.

"Hey Jihoon!" Chan greets, Jihoon chuckles softly. "Hi Chan, why are you so excited?" He asks. Chan is grinning maniacally as he's quick to pull out text books and notebooks from his own bag. "Oh, nothing really," He says, and Jihoon wasn't going to say anything more about it until Chan continued. "Except that Mingyu came out to us today!"

The two girls turn back when they hear Jihoon choke on shock and air. What? Did he really? Did pathetic Mingyu actually come out to his friends?

"Are you serious?" Jihoon manages to ask, cheeks red from shock. Chan nods, "Yeah! It was really inspiring! He told us basically everything!"

"Do you want me to repeat what he said?" Chan asks. Jihoon shakes his head, he figures that he doesn't need to hear it since he obviously already knew (not that Chan knew). "Just the part where he actually came out." He says and Chan nods.

"Well, me, Hansol, Seungkwan, Seokmin, and Minghao were invited to his house, right? And he told us everything. But when he officially came out, he just said 'I'm bisexual' and I was like 'um, what?' and he said it's when you like both girls and boys, how sick is that? Sick in the good way. But then he said he liked boys more, but that doesn't hide the fact that all his girlfriends were legit. Anyway, Hansol was like 'I knew it!', but he kind of didn't because he thought Mingyu was gay and not bisexual, or whatever." Chan has only taken two breaths out of his whole rampage, and Jihoon was surprised that the boy hasn't fallen over from exhaustion.

But he's more surprised at Mingyu. Jihoon can't help but wonder who else Mingyu has told, and what else he has said. He's gaping at Chan, who reaches across and closes his mouth by pushing his chin up and then grins at him.

"It's not that surprising, Jihoon. We should've seen it coming, he's been talking so much about 'some guy'," Chan puts finger air quotes around some guy, and Jihoon visibly deflates. He can't help but feel envious, even though a part of him wonders if he is said guy (the more he thinks of it, the more idiotic is seemed to think 'some guy' wasn't him). Chan was oblivious like always. "He doesn't say who exactly, but he says we've already met him. That's crazy, I've met a lot of people, but they don't seem to be his type." Jihoon knows he should say something, but he doesn't know if Mingyu would appreciate that, especially when Chan was both of their friends. Chan would likely tell the others.

Jihoon's friends were the only ones who really knew Mingyu and him were, to word it in the nicest way possible, fucking around, but that's all they knew. They didn't know the debacle of Mingyu's situation nor how Jihoon truly felt about the situation and Mingyu (he was still figuring out himself but there was no denying that he caught feelings for the taller boy, that's for sure). Jihoon wonders when he'll be able to sort out his thoughts and tell his friends; Soonyoung or Jun at least. They were the most trusting out of all his friends; Seungcheol will tell Jeonghan and Jeonghan is a snake and will likely tell everyone who lives in their apartment. Wonu is a snake too, but he's lowkey about it.

"Oh, well. That's too bad, Mingyu is a pretty private person," Jihoon says about Chan saying Mingyu wouldn't tell them who said guy was and Chan is agreeing. "He is! It's hard to get something personal out of him, which is why I'm trying to find out who this mysterious guy is. You're his friend, too, right? Has he ever spoke about someone that wasn't me, Seungkwan, Hansol, the others?" Chan looks up at Jihoon, biting the eraser of his pencil. Jihoon shrugs, eyes diverting away from Chan's lips biting the pink nub. It was awkward. "No, I didn't even know Hansol was Mingyu's friend until he told me the first time I met him." Jihoon nervously chuckles.

"Really?" Chan slams his hands on the table, causing Jihoon to flinch. "Dude, he's never like that. Usually when he meets someone he always talks about his friends and family," Jihoon's ears perk up a bit at the mention of Mingyu's parents. He can't help but feel twisted. Why hasn't Mingyu ever talked about his parents or friends to him before? "Of course, after now, he probably won't talk about them." Chan says with a sigh and the shake of the head.

"What? Why?" Jihoon asks, curious and slightly concerned. "Well, he said he's going to come out to his parents, and everyone knows they're really against that," Chan informs with a scrunch of the face. "My parents don't care. I'm the only child, and they raised me to go into arts then acedemics, to accepts people for who they are, that it'll be okay if I was gay or bisexual or, like, transgender. They're really modern parents."

Jihoon smiles at the thought of Chan's parents, and what they might be like. But he can't help but feel his heart wrench for Mingyu. "Well, let's study. This was a nice gossip session, I have to write an article analysis now." Chan says, and Jihoon nods. They both begin to work in their respective spaces, but Jihoon can barely concentrate as Mingyu is all that's running through his mind.

Jihoon should call Mingyu soon. He feels the urge to see if the younger boy is doing okay.

-

Jihoon doesn't mean to be salty, but maybe he deserves to be ignored from Mingyu after he ran out on him at Jisoo's party after his petty anger speech, but another part of him wishes Mingyu wouldn't hold it against him and just answer his texts. It gets annoying, and Jihoon doesn't mean to come off clingy but he just wants to know how Mingyu is doing.

Another week has passed, and because they're big boys with their own lives, Jihoon hasn't seen much of Chan, or even his own friends. It's alright though, he gets to claim more work hours for more money and more time to work on music; producing beats, lyrics, music and even has time to reassemble his keyboard he had under his bed. It sits against the wall near his desk wedged between his dresser, it makes space more cramped but the small, musical atmosphere makes Jihoon feel more angsty. Angst has a lot of good lyrics pouring out of Jihoon; but he can't accept the fact that most of his lyrics are metaphors about his situation with Mingyu, the way he feels about Mingyu, and just Mingyu. It's disgusting. He loves being a producer, he just hasn't had time to produce lately because Mingyu takes up his time when he's not in classes or at his job.

Jun calls Jihoon in the middle of the boy figuring out a new song on the keyboard, and he loses his train of thought as the loud ring echoes through the small dorm. He groans, clacking the keyboard keys that they produced an ear-piercing screech. Jihoon picks up his phone from where it rested on the floor near his desk from when it fallen from his pocket long ago and he hasn't been bothered to pick it up.

"Hello?" Jihoon answers the phone as he begins to tidy up his space filled with many failed lyrics and chord orders. "Hey Jihoon. Want to hang out with Wonu and I?" Jun asks, and initially Jihoon wants to decline. It's Saturday evening, and this hang out will most likely include alcohol and Jihoon doesn't really want that. "Don't worry, we were planning to go to the mall before it closes and then catch the new Star Wars film."

"You mean the new Star Wars movie that came out five months ago?" Jihoon asks, and Jun could be heard eyerolling. "Yes, we still haven't seen it and it's all Soonyoung talks about," Jun says and Wonu could be heard in the back laughing. Jihoon looks at the small clock on his wall: 7:07pm. "Uh, sure. I'll meet you guys there." Jihoon reluctantly accepts the offer. He doesn't really want to go outside, but he remembers that he's seeing less and less of his friends, so he feels required to hang out when they ask.

"Okay. We're going to leave soon so don't take too long!" With that, Jun hangs up and Jihoon sighs as he looks at his phone. It's on 8% and it obviously wouldn't survive and Jihoon couldn't charge it in 5 minutes.

By 7:12, Jihoon had left his dorm. It wasn't that he was anticipating seeing Jun and Wonu, it's just that he was already dressed in casual joggers and a sweater. All he had to do was put on his winter jacket, a beanie so his ears wouldn't get cold, and his shoes. He decided to leave his phone back to charge, not thinking much about it.

 

"Where have you been? I texted you, like, seven times," Jun asks once they reach each other in the huge mall that's filled mostly with students and teenagers. Jun and Wonu walk on both of his sides, sandwiching Jihoon in a tall Wonhui sandwich. "Yeah, he sent 'wru' every minute we got here," Wonu adds in, and Jihoon chuckles. "I didn't bring my phone-" Jun and Wonu are gasping dramatically. "-because it was almost dead. Besides, no one contacts me." Jihoon sighs pitifully and Wonu laughs and ruffles the shorter boy's hair.

An hour, four stores, five t shirts, and a pair of shoes later, the trio find themselves walking to the food court. Jihoon's not hungry, and so are the others so they only get smoothies from one of the stands and find a table secluded from other people.

"What time does the film start?" Jihoon asks, sipping his mango pineapple smoothie once they sit down around a small table. "9, we still have an hour." Wonu says, sipping his own drink.

"So, have you heard from Mingyu?" Jun asks, and Wonu slaps his bicep. "I mean, we've heard from Jeonghan who said he heard from Jisoo who heard from Hansol, obviously, but Mingyu might be disowned. His parents were dead mad - wait, you knew he came out to them a few days ago?" Wonu looks expectantly at Jihoon for a type of reaction (everyone has known by now that neither Mingyu or Jihoon have spoken since Jisoo's birthday after Soonyoung squeezing it out of him a few days ago).

"Uhm, I heard about it. From Chan," Jihoon says. He's kind of upset - everyone knew about Mingyu's personal life. "That he was going to come out." Jihoon adds. He drinks his smoothie as attempt to avoid Jun and Wonu's eyes.

"He's not even gay. He's bisexual - he could end up marrying a woman in the end, nobody knows," Jun says, and Wonu nudges him with a laugh. "I wonder why he came out. Jihoon, didn't you say he was private about his life? Why did he suddenly feel the need to come out? New year, new Mingyu?" Wonu and Jun both giggle into each other.

Jihoon honestly doesn't know. He didn't tell Mingyu to come out - not exactly. He didn't have to, if in the end he was bisexual and could marry a woman if he wanted. But he also wondered if Mingyu did it to be free.

The movie was a distraction from Jihoon's hectic mind. Right before the movie ended near midnight, Jihoon's phone back in his dorm on campus buzzed, but the boy didn't know.

-

Jihoon woke up later than usual. Probably because he stayed out until 2am with Jun and Wonu, not getting drunk, surprisingly, but they did go to the bar. Jihoon didn't dance like he usually would, and he batted men off of him that tried to touch him and decline when people offered to buy him drinks. Jun and Wonu were mingling with each other far too intimately for someone who was straight, but Jihoon didn't question it.

Jihoon woke up passed noon, a crank in his neck from stiffly standing near the bar counter last night. When he got home last night, he barely had energy to change his clothes but somewhere in the night he discarded his sweater that made him uncomfortably hot and joggers that hugged his legs too tightly to be comfortable to sleep in. Jihoon blearily reached for his phone, skipping the numerous texts from the groupchat and nearly choking on his sleep when he saw a text from that specific person.

From: Mingyu <3

_Sorry for not replying, been busy all week. Let's catch up sometime_

The text was a disappointment - it reminded Jihoon of the first time they began texting where everything was formal and he used proper grammar and honorifics and horrible stuff like that. It was also very bland, Jihoon would usually ignore it if it came from anyone he met. But he couldn't help but text a reply and send it before he can chicken out and inevitably close their contact for good.

To: Mingyu <3

_Actually let's meet up today_

Jihoon fell into his pillows, heart pounding. He felt utterly pathetic. He was a grown man, maybe he didn't look like it, but he was pretty mature to know that feeling butterflies in his stomach just from texting someone you like was for teenagers. He was supposed to be mature and classy, not a sweating, heart-pounding mess in the sheets as he waited anxiously for a reply.

His phone chimed two minutes later.

From: Mingyu <3

_I'm free at 4, but I'll be at Seoul Sugar:)_

Jihoon wonders just what Mingyu is doing all day on a Sunday, especially at a cafe? But he doesn't question it as he types back a hasty reply of 'okay, see you then!!!'

Jihoon decides to spend his day in bed up until 3pm rolls around. It was a long two hours of Jihoon thinking of what to say. But he got up and decided to shower quickly. When he was finished, he got dressed into blue jeans with rips on the knees, a plain white button up topped with a rust-colored zip sweater that he left unzipped. He adjusted his hair, but it wasn't cooperating today so he shoved a black beanie on top. Jihoon left his dorm before 4, the snow day warm with the sun shining through the thin clouds.

Jihoon walked to Seoul Sugar, which was a half hour walk from campus. It was nice, he hasn't been outside during the day in a long while, so his eyes took a while to adjust to the brightness. He shoved his hands in his winter jacket pockets as he crossed the street where the cafe was located. But as Jihoon got closer, he saw Mingyu standing outside talking with a short girl who laughed with everything he said. Jihoon felt envious.

"Hey, Mingyu," Jihoon greets as he approaches closer to the duo. Mingyu turns around and Jihoon nearly throws up in his mouth at almost forgetting just how handsome the taller boy actually was in the past two weeks they haven't seen each other. His dark hair, dark skin, dark attire that fit his entire aesthetic and made him so attractive that Jihoon might've combusted. "Hey, Jihoon." Mingyu says, and Jihoon falters as he hears Mingyu call him by his name for just the second time. Probably ever.

 ~~ _Jihoon likes baby boy better_~~.

"I'll text you tonight, Mingyu. I have to go." The girl says. She's around the same height as Jihoon, if not then she's taller. She leaves as Mingyu says goodbye, and Jihoon is glaring into the back of her head that he doesn't notice Mingyu looking at him. When the girl turns the corner, Jihoon's eyes snap to Mingyu.

"Let's go inside," Mingyu says, and Jihoon nods as he turns around and opens the door. They enter the cafe, which is almost empty save for the couple near the back. They take a seat near the centre, across the counter where the cashier stands 15 feet away. They sit across each other, and Mingyu asks, "How have you been?"

"I can't believe you have the audacity to ask how I've been when I've heard so much shit about you from Chan and even my friends?" Jihoon is slightly annoyed as Mingyu stiffens uncomfortably. "Uh, yeah. I decided you were right," Mingyu says and Jihoon narrows his eyes. "Right about what?" He asks.

"You were right that I shouldn't be so secretive and hide myself away. Jihoon, I think you already know, but I came out to my friends, all of them. Even the ones you don't know, but I also came out to my parents..." Mingyu looks a bit upset at the mention of his parents. Jihoon's jealousy for the girls is forgotten immediately. "They obviously didn't take it well. They told me that I was a disgrace, that they're thinking of disowning me. That hurts, like a lot." Now Mingyu looks even more upset, but Jihoon could tell he's attempting to hide it behind a stoic expression but he can see the hurt flickering through his eyes.

Jihoon doesn't say anything. He expects Mingyu to tell him more, to tell him how he felt. But then he remembers that the taller boy is practicing not being so closed off and that it would take time to get used to telling people how he felt and other personal things about him going on in his life, despite the irony. Mingyu doesn't say anything else though. He's just looking down at his interlaced hands, staring intently.

"M-my brother," Jihoon begins. He figures he should say something that will let Mingyu know that he can sympathize with him, at least that'll be better than to pity him. He's pretty sure Mingyu hates pity. "We haven't spoke in 6 years, and it's mostly my doing. He used to reach out to me, on my birthday and holidays, but I would never call back so he just stopped. He left to America when I was 17, the age I came out. My parents accepted me, but mt brother didn't. He was ashamed of us; my parents, me. I hated him from that day on. How could I ever love him as my brother if he despised not only me but my parents so much that he moved to America?

I don't. I still have pent up anger inside of me towards him. He hurt all of us, my parents were devastated. I never mentioned him since then. To anyone. No one knows I have a brother, besides close family. He closed himself off from us and we don't really talk about him anymore." Jihoon's hands are shaking and he's frustrated, but his chest feels a lot lighter and for a moment he almost falls over from how overwhelmed he feels. Mingyu doesn't say anything, his expression unfathomable like always, but Jihoon knows he listened. There's a small slip of expression on the taller's face and Jihoon almost misses it, but he catches it and identifies it: anger.

"Life really is unfair, huh? People are the complete worst." Mingyu hisses, mostly to himself and because of that Jihoon stays silent but he can't help but agree.

"I know I'm not really talkative, that I should open up more, especially to you? We're friends, if that's safe to say. It's been over two months since we met but time just went by so fast. My parents aren't important to me anymore, my friends are. I just discovered that. My friends care more about me than my parents ever will, and that's important to me. You're important to me. I may be quiet and not say much, but that means I have a lot of unsaid words on my mind," Mingyu seems rather nervous, and Jihoon leans closer on the table, his stomach flipping over and over again. Of course he sympathises the boy, he feels sorry despite knowing he shouldn't, but he can't help but be curious as to what Mingyu is trying to say. "I don't know, God. This is kind of weird." Mingyu nervously laughs and Jihoon is let down but he doesn't show it.

Of course Mingyu has a lot of words he wants to say, probably not meant for Jihoon because he's nothing but a friend with benefits and it was his own fault for catching feelings when all Mingyu saw him as was nothing more then a fuck. Jihoon was salty. Mingyu doesn't seem to notice Jihoon's annoyance, but if he does then has not mentioning it.

"But you're okay, right? You're not depressed or anything?" Jihoon asks bitterly. He can't help but still care for Mingyu, and it annoys him at the moment. Mingyu nods. "Yeah. It's fine. I'm fine - honestly. I feel so much better, especially with things between us."

Jihoon wants to scream. Everything between them is exactly the same it was two weeks ago. Nothing changed. Mingyu came out but that didn't change anything between them. Jihoon was still Mingyu's dirty little secret, nothing more than friends with benefits. It'll always be that way.

"What do you think is between us?" Jihoon asks in a quiet voice, his eyes divert up from where he was looking at the scratches on the cafe table to Mingyu's face. Mingyu looks a bit surprised, but realization crosses upon his face. "Oh. Friends? I know we - we do stuff friends shouldn't or wouldn't do, but, I don't know. What do you want me to say?" Mingyu asks, exasperated, and Jihoon is stumped. He falls back into his seat.

He really doesn't know what to say. All Jihoon really wants is for Mingyu to see how much he likes him, how much he'd probably do anything for him (both in bed and out of bed). Jihoon just wants Mingyu to like him back, but that was seeming more and more impossible as the days went on. Mingyu seemed so disinterested in Jihoon if he wasn't taking the boy back to his apartment and losing each other in the sheets.

But Jihoon knew in the end that he can't see himself letting go of Mingyu no matter how much he probably should. All Jihoon would be was Mingyu's toy, and he was okay with that even though the younger boy would never reciprocate his feelings and only see him as a sex object - someone who can easily submit to him. It's like he won't be able to leave Mingyu because he won't be able to. He will do whatever Mingyu wants just to see the boy pleased with him. That's what Jihoon despises the most about himself.

"Forget it." Jihoon says, forcing himself to become stoic. He really doesn't know how he feels right now: he's angry, upset, and loss at motivation. Mingyu seems to be analyzing him, so he remains stoic. Jihoon diverts his eyes because Mingyu doesn't deserve to see the truth within them, doesn't deserve to know him like that anymore.

As long as at the end of the day Jihoon could touch Mingyu, be with him, even if there's no connection between them, he can continue. Mingyu hesitantly smiles, an unsure expression, but he reaches across the table and takes Jihoon's hand in his own, thumb gently running over the small knuckles, confusing the boy even more. Mingyu's expression is soft, and neither he or Jihoon say anything else.

There's not really much to be said anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanx for 2.7k reads :) and all your nice comments :) and the kudos :) they all mean so much to me and help me continue writing this train wreck :) also smut will be in the next chapter ;)


	8. if we're gonna do anything we might as well just fuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's good at pretending he cut his strings that attached him to Mingyu. All they do is fuck now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi another chapter thanx for reading : )
> 
> also thanx for 3k reads!!!! This means so much to me, esp the kudos and comments <3

Mingyu barely comes to Jihoon's doom on his University campus, mainly because Jihoon prefers the more open space of Mingyu's apartment, even though it was quite small. So Jihoon's rather embarassed when Mingyu shows up unexpectedly at his dorm just three days after their last meet up at the cafe. His room is messy; paper strewn around the room of too-shabby lyrics, failed homework assignments, and general clutter of remorse that University can provide. There's not much room to walk around, there's laundry piling up near Jihoon's desk and random socks all over the floor, Jihoon's bed is so messy the sheet has started coming off the edges and curl against the messily strew blanket, and he hasn't had his curtains open in a long time so the mess is hidden in the darkness.

Jihoon nearly chokes when he opens the door after hearing light knocks and seeing Mingyu standing there. He's wearing his usual dark attire but this time his hair is messy and natural instead of slicked back by hairspray. Mingyu looks so good, Jihoon becomes speechless. Just for a moment, before he snaps out of it.

"Uh, hey," Mingyu says. He sounds a bit strained, like he's unsure if he should even be here. Jihoon's sure he looks like trash; hair greasy and thrown in a half ponytail to keep his bangs out of his face when he's looming over his desk or keyboard, his large pyjama shirt way too big for him sliding off his shoulder, various food stains on the front, the same joggers he's been wearing all weekend, and mismatched socks that Jihoon's sure he just picked up off the floor this morning. "Hello." Jihoon says, feeling self-concious about his trash appearance.

They stand there, awkwardly, Mingyu trying not to stare at Jihoon for way too long. Jihoon wasn't going to lie; he felt uncomfortable with Mingyu. As much as he didn't want to, he couldn't help but still feel distorted about their relationship, and their talk at the cafe really didn't help. It worsened it, actually. Well, for him. Jihoon couldn't help but be pathetic and still like Mingyu. Have feelings for the tall man that stood in front of him, looking just as uncomfortable behind his stoic expression. Jihoon decided to break the bubble, they couldn't stand like this forever.

"Come in, if you want," Jihoon says, stepping aside. Mingyu bows politely, "Thank you," He says as he comes into the dark, small, messy dorm when Jihoon holds the door open. Jihoon is hesitant to close the door, but he does and it closes with a soft click. Mingyu looks way out of place; awkwardly standing in the centre of the dorm where there was no trash. Jihoon can't help but apologize for the mess. "Sorry for the mess, I wasn't feeling well the past few days to clean up..."

It's not exactly a lie. Jihoon had been wallowing in self-pity and drowning himself in any work he could get done - as a distraction, of course. He had been feeling down, basically, but it was his own fault.

"Ah. I see," Mingyu says. Jihoon figures he should at least make himself look presentable, but he thinks it's too late to even attempt to do so. It ruins his plan of making himself more desirable for Mingyu to have to younger boy become more attracted to him (which everyone has done for their crush at least once in their lives - Jihoon remembers when Jeonghan started wearing jeans too tight just to impress Seungcheol before they began dating and now look at them; four years and still going strong). "I came here to escape."  
Jihoon chokes on air. "Excuse me?" He asks, confused. Escape? What the fuck.

"Yeah. Seungkwan, Minghao, and Chan took over my apartment." Jihoon calms down. Okay, so Mingyu didn't escape from murdering someone, or anything crazy. He just wanted to escape from his friends. Mingyu has a mischevious expression on his face, and Jihoon just knows why he came here.

"Oh."

Jihoon thinks he should at least shower first. He's been sitting in his greasy clothes for a few days, it'll probably be unattractive. "Oh," Jihoon repeats, a bit quieter. "Um, excuse me... Make yourself comfortable." Jihoon stutters as he makes his way to his bathroom before Mingyu could reply. He closes the door, not bothering to lock it because there's no really need to. Jihoon rubs his face out of stress, looking at his reflection in the mirror. Staring back is a pale boy with reddened cheeks, face a pile of oil, messy, greasy hair - a huge mess, and Jihoon groans softly as he tears his eyes away from his reflection and turns on the shower.

As he's showering, making sure to lather on as much body wash as he could, Jihoon leans against the cold bathroom tiles. Everything feels so overwhelming. Why is he so overworked over Mingyu? Why did he have to catch feelings? Why did they have to talk about their personal lives, their problems - why couldn't they just fuck around and that'd be it? No strings attached, no baggage.

It's Jihoon's fault. Everything is. Mingyu doesn't think like this, it's just Jihoon and his utter hopelessness.

Jihoon exits the shower, grabbing a towel from his rack. He dries himself the best he could, but water droplets still fell from his hair down his body either way. He very quietly opened the door, just a small gap where he could peak out. Mingyu's back was turned to him, Jihoon noticed that the younger boy took off his winter coat and was curiously pressing the keys of Jihoon's keyboard. Jihoon sneaked out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist, and he went his dresser which was beside Mingyu.

Mingyu jumped ever so slightly when the drawers of the dresser opened, and Jihoon pulled out underwear and a t shirt. Seriously, were clothes necessary for what they were going to do?

"I didn't know you played the piano. Last time I came here, I didn't see this," Mingyu says, removing his hands from the keyboard. Jihoon shrugged, tugging on his underwear under the towel and letting the dampened towel fall to the ground. "I played as a kid - I was basically a prodigy. I taught myself. I just brought it out a couple of weeks ago," Jihoon says. Mingyu sticks out his bottom lip as he shifts his eyes from Jihoon back to the keyboard. "I can play the guitar, too. I just never had one of my own because they're so expensive. I learned in middle school by borrowing the school's guitar."

Jihoon doesn't know why he's saying this, Mingyu probably doesn't really care. "Wow, so cool," Mingyu mutters. "I wish I was musically talented." Jihoon doesn't know how to reply, so he doesn't. Instead he puts on his t shirt and sits on the edge of his bed.

Mingyu shifts, everything falls silent. It's unbareable. Jihoon hates it. He wishes he could be comfortable around Mingyu like he used to be, but everything just feels so tense. He stands up, trying to will himself to gain confidence, and walks over to Mingyu. The taller boy turns when he senses Jihoon's presence coming closer.

Jihoon reaches up, the cold chain bracelet Mingyu got him as a gift on Christmas slides down his wrist, and he gently adjusts the collar of Mingyu's black button up shirt. Just to touch Mingyu. Mingyu's eyes flutter between where Jihoon's hands rest on his chest to his eyes, but Jihoon isn't looking up at him. His eyes are glued to his own hands, and there's a tremor that falters through his face momentairly. Mingyu is quick to raise his hand to Jihoon's face, gently forcing the shorter boy to look up at him. Jihoon's eyes are dark, expression is stoic.

Mingyu leans down and captures their lips in a soft kiss. Jihoon's hands grip Mingyu's shirt tightly, and their kiss is deepened. Mingyu grips Jihoon's waist, pulling the boy closer with a soft mewl. Jihoon moves towards the back, stumbling over his feet as he drags Mingyu with his, not breaking their kiss once. He spins around and pushes Mingyu onto the bed into a sitting position, their kiss breaking for a few seconds before Jihoon is crawling into Mingyu's lap and reattaching their lips. Mingyu's hands clamp on the back of Jihoon's thighs, skin soft and warm. Jihoon mewls into Mingyu's lips.

Mingyu's hands trail from Jihoon's thighs to his ass, where he gently cups the cheeks, squeezing and pulling, and Jihoon groans, feeling himself get turned on. He grounds his crotch on Mingyu's, and both of the men groan softly. Jihoon ruts, and Mingyu continues to tease him by sliding his hands under the boy's underwear and grabbing a handful of Jihoon's ass, not yet touching him in the places Jihoon wants to be touched.

Their kiss breaks, and Jihoon is quick to lean into Mingyu's neck, kissing along the side of his jaw. Jihoon draws pants from Mingyu's lips, and the taller boy brushes a dry finger against Jihoon's hole, and the shorter boy softly groans, pushing against the finger. Mingyu removes his hands completely from Jihoon, and the older boy whines. He whines into Mingyu's neck, where he's sucking the tender skin and creating marks. Mingyu digs into his jeans pocket, shifting a bit but Jihoon stays put on Mingyu's lap.

Mingyu pulls out his lube that nearly empty by now, and everything becomes rushed. Mingyu is quick to slick up his fingers, and Jihoon moves up to press his forehead against Mingyu's as the younger boy pulls the shorter boy's underwear down and presses a slicked finger to his hole. Jihoon doesn't have time to think about it, because Mingyu is shoving two fingers in. Jihoon jolts, a moan leaving his lips at the stretch. It's not exactly painful, but Jihoon never done this since the last time they did it, which seemed long ago.  
Mingyu holds his hip, forcing Jihoon not to squirm as he thrusts his two fingers into the smaller boy, Jihoon's hips pressing down into the fingers and head thrown back as lovely noises escapes him. It's quite the sight; Jihoon's neck exposed, chest and cheeks pink, hips rutting against Mingyu's lap. Mingyu adds a third finger, and Jihoon takes it nicely, groaning slightly as his arms tighten around Mingyu's shoudlers.

Once Mingyu is sure Jihoon is stretched enough, he removes his fingers, earning small grunts of dissatisfaction from the small boy in his lap. Mingyu unbuckles his belt with hasty fingers and tugs down his jeans as best as he could with someone in his lap, and Jihoon is reaching down and palming the erection in Mingyu's underwear. Mingyu pants, and Jihoon pulls back the underwear, watching Mingyu's dick spring up.

Jihoon jerks off Mingyu as the younger boy reaches for the lube and spurts a generous amount on his dick that the smaller boy spreads around for him, sighing softly at the pleasure coursing through his veins. Jihoon shifts his hips, lining his hole with the tip of Mingyu's dick, cheeks red as he lowers himself. When Mingyu breaches his tight muscle, both men groan. Jihoon gasps as he works himself on Mingyu, slowly sliding down up until Mingyu was fully situated inside of him. They're both panting, satisfaction clawing through their nerves.

Jihoon rolls his hips slightly, eliciting moans from both himself and Mingyu. Mingyu moves a hand from Jihoon's hips to cup his cheek, and Jihoon presses into the touch, feeling himself fall deeper into the pit of emotions. He looks up through his eyelashes to see Mingyu staring down at him, eyes dark, lips parted slightly. Jihoon lifts his hips, earning a soft gasp from Mingyu, before dropping down. He groans as his body shoots a mixture of pain and pleasure.

"Good boy, such a good boy. So tight." Mingyu's voice is deep and arousing, his hips snap up slightly, and Jihoon is quick to find a rythym, goosebumps arising on his skin, panting and mewling with every drop of the hips. He tugs at Mingyu's hair, sweat already forming on his forehead as he works himself on Mingyu, the taller boy is panting heavily in Jihoon's neck, relishing the small moans and sighs that escape the shorter's lips.

Jihoon's skin becomes hot, the t shirt clinging to his skin uncomfortably. Mingyu seems to notice, and he stops his movements momentarily to eagerly lift the t shirt up and off of Jihoon's body, hands roaming the newly exposed skin as Jihoon shivers. He bounces on Mingyu's lap, body shaking with pleasure as Mingyu's lips attach to his collarbone, suckling a mark. This angle makes Mingyu go in much deeper, and Jihoon loves it as his head lolls back.

One of Mingyu's hand slides from Jihoon's hip to his dick, where he grips the smaller boy's dick in his hand, and Jihoon's movements falter when Mingyu presses a thumb in the slit; he could feel his near bubbling up too soon. He's determined to hold it off, reaching down to attempt to tug Mingyu's hand away. The taller boy only tightens his grip, and Jihoon whines. "I might come," He chokes out. His voice is wrecked, and Mingyu removes his lips from Jihoon's chest. "Come. Come then." Mingyu says, voice husky and dark.  
Jihoon is able to hold off for a few more bounces, until Mingyu's dick brushes against the spot inside of him that has him seeing stars and he comes instantly, body consulving as Mingyu milks the orgasm out of him. He's groaning, nails digging into Mingyu's wrists as the taller boy continues to jerk his sensitive cock. He clenches around Mingyu, and the boy bites his lip as his dark eyes pour into Jihoon's soul.

Jihoon's body shakes with sensitivity and overstimulation, but he can feel himself getting half-hard under Mingyu's touch. Then, Mingyu is lifting Jihoon up, the smaller boy grappling for a tight hold around Mingyu's neck as the taller boy practically slams the boy on the bed, falling on top of him, and then roughly fucking into Jihoon. Jihoon cries out, shaking as overwhelming pleasure leaves him a crumpled mess on the bed as he lets Mingyu use his body, feeling his own dick become hard once again much to the painful sensitivity.

Mingyu is groaning, hips snapping hard and quick, and Jihoon archs his back when Mingyu finds the spot inside of him again. Jihoon is about to combust, his hands shaking as he cries out. This is the first time he's been something along the lines of overstimulated, and he feels like he's about to implode. There's no way he could come again, especially when everything was so sensitive it was almost painful.

Mingyu's hips falter, and he reaches down to grip Jihoon's dick once again, the smaller boy crying out when Mingyu's thumb dug harshly into the slit. Jihoon felt pleasure bubble up in the pit of his stomach, and he opens his eyes tiredly, hands gripping Mingyu's hair tightly, and he turns his head and breaths in Mingyu's scent of musk and sweat. His eyes snap shut when Mingyu jerks him off roughly, and he nearly screams into Mingyu's neck when he feels yet another orgasm rip through, splattering against his stomach. Mingyu comes right when he does, hips turning into soft rotations as Jihoon's body continues to shake, painting Jihoon's insides white.

Jihoon's body is so hot, the blanket against his back feels so uncomfortable, and he's sure he could pass out any second. As a matter of fact, he's out by the time Mingyu pulls out.

-

Jihoon is good at pretending. He's good at pushing his feelings down. He's good at being good for Mingyu. Pressing against Mingyu as the taller boy takes him from behind, gripping his hips as he pounds into his body, moaning loudly. He grips Mingyu's bed sheets, nails digging into his palms through the sheets, and he bites his lip as Mingyu's nails dig into his hips, pulling his cheeks apart as he pounds harshly into the smaller boy.

Jihoon is good at pretending. This is all they do now; fuck. It's all they were supposed to do ever since they met at the bar all those months ago and set up this sick relationship - this friends with benefits function, so Jihoon is just doing what they both wanted: a friends with benefits. He's good at pretending he cut his strings that attached him to Mingyu. All they do is fuck now. There's no time for talking or anything among the lines because Jihoon is leaving Mingyu's apartment after every session when the taller goes into the bathroom.

Mingyu doesn't seem effected by this as he slams into Jihoon, and Jihoon pretends he doesn't care as he arches his back and falls down onto his elbows with a loud moan. He comes into the sheets as Mingyu comes inside of him, muttering "Such a good boy," like always. Jihoon shivers, and Mingyu pulls out. Jihoon falls onto the bed, no words are exchanged after that as Mingyu slinks into the bathroom.

Jihoon is quick to find all of his clothes, throwing them on before heading out of Mingyu's apartment, phone in hand as he calls Soonyoung. Soonyoung answers it after the second ring.

"The same place?" Soonyoung asks, not even saying hello. Jihoon feels his stomach twist. "Yeah," He says, opening the door to the stairs. "I'll be there in 5 minutes," Soonyoung says, and Jihoon nods. "Thanks, Soonyoung," He says, voice breaking just a bit. "Hey, it's no problem." Soonyoung says, voice genuine, and Jihoon calms himself as he nods, then bids Soonyoung goodbye.

Jihoon always got so overwhelmed when he left Mingyu's apartment after sex, it was so pathetic. He shouldn't be like this, but it was his own fault that at the end of the day he still had really lame feelings for the younger boy, and all this sex was exausting him mentally.

Soonyoung got to the entrance of Mingyu's apartment complex in the time limit he said he would, and Jihoon huddle in on himself as he dashed across the street through slushy snow and opened the car door. Soonyoung looked tired, and Jihoon realized it was almost 11pm on a Wednesday. Soonyoung had class at 7am, and Jihoon felt even more guilty.

"I'm sorry," He says, feeling terrible about everything. Soonyoung starts up his car and looks over at Jihoon. "Dude, it's nothing. I rather you call me for a ride than have you take the bus at midnight and get kidnapped," Soonyoung jokes, lightening the atmosphere. Jihoon weakly chuckles. "You're really a great friend, and I'm so shitty. I'm sorry." Jihoon can't help but feel particularly emotional tonight. Maybe it's because he woke up at 5am because his sleeping schedual has been shit lately, and he got scolded by his morning lecturer for all the assignments he's been slacking on, and that he hasn't eaten anything since lunch and - today was just a bad day.

Soonyoung begins the journey back to the campus.

"You're really not, Jihoon. You're not a bad friend, I mean, you're making pretty bad choices, but that doesn't mean you're a bad friend," Soonyoung says. Jihoon can't help but be curious as to what Soonyoung meant. "Bad choices?" He asks. Soonyoung looks at him through the rearview mirror. "Yeah. You're forcing yourself on a person who doesn't truly care how you feel, you're hurting yourself by being with him." Soonyoung says, and Jihoon slumps against the seat.

Was he really hurting himself? Yes. But in ways more than he thought?

"We care for you, Jihoon. All of us; Jeonghan, Seungcheol, Jisoo, Jun, Wonu, heck, even Chan and Hansol have been asking about you. You look so tired in class when you haven't skipped it from sleeping in, you've barely hung out with us in the past two weeks, and you just look so strained. Are you sure you like Mingyu if he makes you like this?" Soonyoung means no harm to his words, but Jihoon can't help but feel a bit salty. "What? Of course, I like Mingyu. He cares for me, what do you know?" Jihoon snarls. What would Soonyoung know? It's not like Jihoon's ever told him anything going on between him and Mingyu.

"Hey, I didn't mean it like that. But aren't you supposed to be happy and full of life if you like someone and they like you back? Not tired and upset?" Soonyoung asks, driving into the parking lot of the university campus. "Just shut up, okay? He's just - complicated. It's my own fault for being so hooked on him, but it's not like it's any of your buisness." Jihoon snaps, though he feels a bit guilty when Soonyoung's face falls.

No words are exchanged after that when Soonyoung parks his car. Jihoon is quick to bolt out, feeling like he might breakdown any minute (out of exhaustion, sadness, and anger all in one - the worst combination). "Hey, Jihoon!" Soonyoung calls after him, and Jihoon only stomps faster to his dorm building. Soonyoung runs up to him, grabbing him by the shoulder, forcing the shorter boy to stop. "I didn't mean-"

"Just shut up! I know what I'm doing is pretty shitty, I'm forcing myself to fuck a person who doesn't give a shit about me, even when I'm practically in love with them! I make pretty poor choices, I know, and I don't need you or anyone else reminding me that I'm fucking myself over!" Jihoon is overwhelmed with various emotions as he glares at Soonyoung through watery eyes. "I know you guys care for me, but this doesn't concern any of you! I don't want to drag any of you into my shitstorm of a life, I don't want to drag _you_ -" Jihoon stops himself mid-sentence, looking completely shocked.

"Oh my, God. Why couldn't I just fall in love with _you_? It'd save me from all this bullshit," Jihoon laughs maniacally, though his cheeks are wet with tears. Soonyoung looks completely perplexed. He didn't expect Jihoon to feel so torn and hurt over this - not as much as he just expressed. He can't help but close in on the boy, wrapping his arms around the distressed boy who slumps against him. "I didn't know you felt like this," Soonyoung says. He feels bad for not considering Jihoon's feelings, he only thought about the general idea and how messed up it was. "I'm sorry for never being there when you wanted to talk." 

Jihoon shakes his head, choking up as he says "No, it was me who didn't come to you when I needed to talk. It's my fault for penting my emotions up like this," Jihoon says into Soonyoung's chest, snivelling a but as he forced himself to calm down. "It's just - boys are pieces of shit."

Soonyoung chuckles lightly at this, and Jihoon feels his emotions lighten up a bit. Soonyoung pulls away from the hug, and Jihoon misses the warmth. "Can you stay over tonight? I promise I won't fall in love with you, I just don't want to be alone tonight," Jihoon says, eyes wide and Soonyoung swears he's never seen Jihoon look so vulnerable before. "Of course." Soonyoung accepts Jihoon's invitation, knowing he wouldn't have said no in the first place.

They walk back to Jihoon's dorm together in silence, the only sound being the squish of the wet snow under their shoes. When the duo arrive inside of Jihoon's dirty room, Soonyoung scrunches his face at the mess.

"It seems like a garbage disposal site," He comments, and Jihoon chuckles. "Wow, thanks," He says, and Soonyoung grins, eyes turning into slits and cheeks puffy. "No, but seriously, Ji. Starting from tomorrow, you're going to clean the room and begin again. Meaning, you're going to do your missing class work, focus on friends, and work toward your goal of becoming a music producer, okay?" Soonyoung says, and Jihoon pouts a bit. "No more shitty boys who don't care and only want sex, okay?"

Jihoon is grateful that he has such amazing friends. They're hard to come by these days, so he only smiles at Soonyoung, who takes his smile as an affirmative. Though, Jihoon knows it's a bit hypocritical to make it seem like Mingyu was the only one who wanted sex even though Jihoon consented to just sex also, but lately he's wanted more but that obviously wasn't going to happen. So he doesn't say anything, even when there's a tug in his gut.

Jihoon strips down to just his underwear a t shirt, feeling so exhausted, climbing into his bed and watches as Soonyoung keeps all his clothes on and climbs into the bed after him. There's a respective amount of space between both men, and Jihoon appreciates platonic relationships so he moves to cuddle closer to his best friend.

Soonyoung tenses just a bit. "Relax. Like I said, I promise not to fall in love with you. You're not so secretive about how you feel about Chan, Soon." Jihoon mumbles, falling into drowsiness as Soonyoung chokes.

-

Jihoon wakes up to an empty bed, but then he remembers that Soonyoung had an early morning class and he feels less like trash. He only has one class today, so he decides to skip it since he's positive it's the class he does well in, it's just his first classes of the day that he sucks at attending on time. He takes a shower, using lots of soap to cleanse himself thoroughly, and changes into fresh clothes.

He opens the curtains of his dorm, bright light shining into his trash dorm room. His eyes burn from the lack of sunlight they've been receiving, but he's quick to adjust as he begins to clean up. He starts by piling all of his laundry into his laundry sack, placing the full sack behind the door just to keep it out of the way. Then he goes to the bathroom and grabs a garbage bag, picking up all the trash from his floor. Once his floor is spotless, Jihoon feels better.

He makes his bed, changing the sheets into new ones as he tosses the old ones into the laundry sack. It takes Jihoon almost 2 hours to completely clean his dorm, and by the time he falls into his bed after arriving back from the laundry room on the main floor with fresh clean clothes, the door to his dorm opens and Soonyoung comes in followed by Jeonghan and Wonu.

"Christ, Jihoon. It looks so much better in here than it did last night," Soonyoung says, earning side eyes from Jeonghan at the mention of being at Jihoon's dorm last night. "Yeah, well, I woke up feeling motivated and happier." Jihoon says, earning a round of applause from his three friends to which he rolls his eyes at.

"Soonyoung was telling us how depressed you were, and we wanted to come by to see how you were doing," Jeonghan says. "Though, you're a snake for not telling us yourself," Jeonghan quips, earning snickers from Wonu and Soonyoung. Jihoon is offended. "Says the snake who made a whole new group chat to talk about me behind my back!"

"Hey, we weren't talking bad about you," Wonu chimes in, and Jeonghan nods. "Yeah, man. God, you're such a snake, you think everyone's after you." Jeonghan is joking, and everyone laughs, even Jihoon.

By the time 5pm rolls around, Jihoon's friends are leaving after their 2 hour visit. Jihoon misses hanging out with his friends, so as they leave he promises to catch up with them more often. Soonyoung makes sure Jihoon is totally okay before he leaves, and Jihoon is in a good mood so he bids Soonyoung a cheerful goodbye. Jihoon is left alone.

Before he could think about anything wrong in his life, he uses the time to catch up on his missing assignments.

-

Jihoon has been feeling better the past few days. By the time Friday has rolled around, Jihoon had caught up in his classes so he leaves his last class with no homework and a pat on the back from his lecturer. To his surprise, Jihoon sees Chan, Jisoo, Hansol, and even Seungkwan standing in a circle talking amongst each other. He and Jun, the only person he shared his last class with, exchanged looks. But they headed towards that way anyways.

"Oh, hey Jihoon! You look sick! In the best way, you actually look better!" Chan says, and Jihoon acknowledges him. "Thanks, Chan," He says shyly. All their conversation seemed to have stopped since Jihoon and Jun arrived, but he doesn't think much of it. "Yeah, we actually came here to see if you'd want to hang out with us at Minghao's house tonight?" Seungkwan says, and Jihoon is a bit taken aback. "Despite being Chinese and all, Minghao is the only one with a proper house in Seoul because he lives with his parents here." Chan informs.

The group starts talking about that, momentarily forgetting their invite. Until Chan directs the attention back on Jihoon. "So, what do you say? Want to come?" He asks. Jihoon wants to decline because they haven't specified what they'd be doing at Minghao's, but he's also curious. "Uh, sure," He accepts the offer and Chan grins. "Great! Jun can come, too! Soonyoung is coming, too."

The conversation steers towards Chan and Soonyoung, to which the younger refuses to answer any questions and denies that he has feelings for the older boy. Jihoon finds it amusing because Chan is flustered and it's the first time he's seen the poor boy speechless. Jisoo and Hansol are the first to leave, bidding goodbyes to everyone as they leave the building hand-in-hand (Jihoon mentally chokes). And slowly, everyone migrates to their own friends and leaves. Jihoon is left travelling back to his dorm alone.

By the time 6pm rolls around and Jihoon wakes up from his Depression Nap, he has over 200 notifications from being added into a new group chat with Chan, Soonyoung, Jun, Jisoo, Hansol, Seungkwan, Minghao, and Seokmin. A majority of the recent messages are asking where he is, and Jihoon sees they were sent not too long ago.

Jihoon: I was sleeping

Jisoo: I told u guys

Chan: Jihoon come now

Seokmin: penis

Minghao: my parents aren't home ;)

Jisoo: it's chill

Hansol: depression naps are the best

Jihoon: ikr

After snagging the address from Minghao himself, Jihoon is quick to get ready. He changes into more suitable clothes of black jeans, a light blue t shirt covered by a rust-colored sweater. He's still not sure what they're doing at Minghao's house, but he's sure they said it in the chat but he's just too lazy to scroll past 200 messages. Just as Jihoon's about to leave his dorm, he gets an incoming text. He clicks his home button and a familiar tug in his stomach forms when he reads the familiar display name. But Jihoon locks his phone, decided to not even open the text from Mingyu as he leaves his dorm.

This was progress that maybe he could actually get over Mingyu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooooooooo is Jihoon really done with Mingyu? Do u like Soonyoung and jihoons friendship? Mingyu is a hater


	9. fuck me if you must

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon is so small, he curls himself next to Mingyu who holds him protectively. There's still so much unsaid words, Jihoon thinks. He doesn't expect Mingyu to suddenly declare his love for him, but just anything would suffice. Mingyu holds him close, and Jihoon appreciates the warmth and protection he feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo. this chapter is a bit dark, as the new tags imply.  
> srsly i wanted this to be kinky and angsty i have no regrets
> 
> don't worry, i don't want to spoil but there will be one finale kinky sex scene soon before this story closes so stay tuned ;)

Maybe it was mistake to accept Chan's invitation to hang out at Minghao's house because 1) He barely knew Minghao, and 2) He should've knew that a young university's student version of "hanging out" is actually consuming wicked amounts of alcohol. Jihoon wants to scold Chan for not telling him what exactly they'd be doing here, but he knows he can't because he didn't ask himself. Instead he attempts to find Jun in the large mass of young adults mingling rather intimately, music blaring way too loudly for a house in Seoul to accommodate, and way too many unfamiliar faces.

Jihoon wonders for a moment if Mingyu would be here - isn't he friends with Minghao? Why wouldn't he be here? It wracked nerves in Jihoon, and he slides past many girls and boys in attempt to find anyone familiar.

When Jihoon gets to what he assumes is the living room, there are couples scattered all over the couch, making out shamelessly or flirting. It makes Jihoon uncomfortable as he stands around the lonely singles looking for someone to have fun with, but he finds a familiar patch of black hair in the crowd.

It's Jun. He's talking to a girl, and they look pretty cozy much to Jihoon's dismay. He knows he shouldn't butt in when his bro might get some, but he's really not in the mood to care as he slithers past the bodies and gently tug Jun's sweater. Jun looks back, and his smile widens.

"Hey, Jihoon," He says, the girl peeks around Jun and eyes Jihoon. Jihoon pays no mind to the girl, though. "Isn't this great?" Jun asks, motioning to the crowd of partiers around them. Jihoon realizes that Jun is already buzzed, and he rolls his eyes. "No, not really. I'm going back to the dorm." Jihoon says. He's not in the mood to party - he was hoping this would be an actual hangout where they could just sit around and watch a movie and talk about anything any of them could think of and just forget about school and personal problems and just have chill time with bros.

Jihoon would choose a night like that over a party any day.

"Aw, come on. Don't be a party pooper. Stay a while, have a few drinks, meet someone new!" Jun is turning around to the girl who is waiting patiently and takes her drink, shoving it in Jihoon's hands. Jihoon eyes the cup, a bit disgusted at the strong smell, and he attempts to give it back to the girl but Jun prevents him from doing so. "No, it's okay. Just drink it, and if you're still not feeling it, I'll find Soonyoung and tell him to drive you back to the dorms."

Jihoon rolls his eyes, but he turns around and decides to just leave. It's not like he had to ask Jun for permission. He walks out of the living room, cautious of the people around him. Why was everyone so unfamiliar? Did Minghao go to a different university?

Jihoon had reached the exit to the living room, but he was stopped when a gentle hand gripped his own and tugged him to the side. Jihoon was about to protest, say fuck off, but when he was brought around to look at the culprit, he stopped himself from doing so.

The guy was attractive. He was taller than him, like every other guy in the room, but he'd have to be at least 6 feet - which was intimidating as Jihoon had to look up. He had long hair but shaved sides - a hair style not much Asians in general could pull off but for some reason, this guy could. It gave a bad boy persona to him, the way the scraggly strands were pushed to the left in almost a quiff. Jihoon noticed he was also wearing black eyeliner, which was a bit smudged. He had good cheekbones and a sharp jawline, this guy seemed like he could be a model? Jihoon was intimidated, and he wanted to say fuck off just so he could get away from the guy who smiled so gently at him.

A guy who is attractive and kind? Sign Jihoon up.

"Hey," The guy says loudly through the music, and Jihoon's ears perk up. "Hey," He replies, just as loud. Jihoon isn't awkward when he meets new people at parties and clubs, and this guy is no exception (okay, maybe a little bit because he was so hot). "What's your name?" The guy asks. Jihoon bites his lip. "Jihoon, what about you?"

"Seunghyun." The model, Seunghyun, says. Jihoon suddenly remembers the cup he's holding, so he brings it up and takes a generous sip, nearly choking at the bad mix of too much vodka and little whatever it was supposed to be mixed with. Seunghyun chuckles, and Jihoon downs the rest of the drink, feeling the burn in his throat and his stomach warm up.

He figures this guy could help him forget about a certain dumb boy in his life.

 

Jihoon and Seunghyun had gotten along pretty well. By Jihoon's fourth cup of mixed alcohol, he was pretty sure he was drunk because everything swayed and felt weird - his face was hot and tingles erupted in his stomach. Seunghyun seemed to be catching up, he stayed near Jihoon the whole night, which the smaller boy didn't mind, he actually loved the attention. But they have yet to have done anything besides share a cup, and Jihoon wanted more.

He dragged Seunghyun out of their small area they've been cornered in for half of the night, and took him by the hand to the next empty space away from people. From the corner of his eye, Jihoon could feel someone watching him, but then again there were probably a lot of people watching him - or Seunghyun, which would make more sense. They got to a wall near the stairs, there were couples already on the staircase, sitting and/or making out, and before Jihoon could think twice, he was slammed against the wall, Seunghyun attacking his lips.

Jihoon let himself be roughly used, which was honestly a turn on coming from a guy who was gentle and patient with him the whole night, and he arched his back against the wall, pressing closer to the taller man's body as they ravished each other's lips. If Jihoon was being honest, something at the back of his mind screamed Mingyu. But he ignored it, because it was pretty much pointless. He had to get over Mingyu, and he knew from experience that in the first days of getting over a lover you'd only think of them when you kiss someone else.

"You're so hot." Seunghyun growls into his lips, and Jihoon shivers. He reaches up and grips the zipper hem of the taller boy's jacket, and he wonders how much of a show they're putting on. When Seunghyun pulls away, his eyes are dark and Jihoon feels dizzy. He also feels the urge to throw up, but he pushes it down when Seunghyun begins to lead him up the stairs. He stumbles around the people, too intoxicated to apologize, as he's dragged roughly by the taller guy.

When they reach the top of the stairs, the feeling of someone watching Jihoon returns, but he can't turn around or look much at their surroundings before he's tugged into the nearest bedroom. Jihoon is suddenly brought into a dark room, Seunghyun closing the door and cancelling out even more light from the hallway. It's too dark for Jihoon's hazy mind to decipher anything, and when he's spun around by Seunghyun, his mind momentarily falls blank from the sudden movement.

Seunghyun attacks his lips once again, and Jihoon's mind is fogged as he attempts to kiss back but the lull in his mind is telling him to throw up and fall out of consciousness. Jihoon is pushed down onto the bed, and he yelps when Seunghyun's large body is covering his own. The taller boy plants kisses on Jihoon's neck, and the shorter boy tilts his head to the side, allowing more access as he arches his back and lets weird noises escape his mouth.

His jeans are being unbuttoned, and Jihoon tries to force himself to believe that this is consensual, that he wants this, but there's the same light turning off and on in his mind - falling in and out of consciousness, and there's nothing more that he wants to do is to just sleep.

Seunghyun's hand slides down to Jihoon's crotch, cupping his dick through his jeans. Jihoon whines, attempting to push Seunghyun's hand away, off of him as his mind continues to flicker and the taller only growls. "You've been making me wait for so long, you think I'm going to stop because you're a weakling who can't hold down alcohol without passing out? Go ahead and pass out, you won't even know what happens next."

Jihoon's mind is too blank to even consider what happened to the Seunghyun he met earlier that night. What happened to the kind, quiet man, and why was he replaced with this venomous rapist? Jihoon's mind is too blank that he falls asleep in the midst of Seunghyun pulling down his jeans.

-

When Jihoon wakes up, his bones ache and his head hurts a lot. Just by moving an inch, his body jolts from the pain. He can't open his eyes because the bright orange he sees behind his eyelids hurt his eyes already.

He can't recall anything that happened last night, other than meeting someone he can barely remember the name of and getting so drunk. It made him slightly frustrated, but he couldn't remember much of last night. He gently attempts to pry his eyes open, blinding light making the action a lot more harder than he really needed it to be. He couldn't move to turn around without feeling like he'd throw up, his migraine was the worst.

But when Jihoon was able to open his eyes, he had to wait minutes for his eyes to adjust to the blinding brightness, and once his surroundings came to view he realized he was back in his dorm.

Did he come back here at the end of the night? Did he come back here by himself? Did someone bring him home? Did he bring someone back here?

Jihoon inwardly groaned, slowly turning over in his bed so he faced the plain brick wall, his eyes slipping shut once again. Though he was only able to lay like this for a while, unable to fall asleep, when he heard the sound of his door opening softly and clicking shut. He didn't bother to look who it was, and at the moment he didn't care if it was murderer because he felt like shit and wouldn't be able to defend himself anyway. He sighed softly and willed for his headache to go away.

"I brought Ibuprofen for you, you must be feeling like trash," Comes the voice of Jeon Wonu. "Considering what happened last night, I'm sure you probably think it's your fault. But it's not,  _it's never the victim's fault._ "

Victim?

Jihoon turns around in his bed, eyes blurring as he looks up at Wonu, confused. Wonu looked concerned and worried, and Jihoon eyed the pill bottle in his hand.

"What do you mean?" Jihoon asked, voice croaky and dry. Wonu's concern and worry only deepened. "Hm. Do you really not remember?" He asks, to which Jihoon nods his head. "Oh. I supposed that's better than remembering, I guess. But Jihoon, you've almost been raped." Wonu spits out the word rape like venom on his tongue. He looks so pitiful and Jihoon crumples a bit.

Now that Wonu said that, he suddenly remembers very faintly making out with a person he can't put a name to. Feeling the roughness of said guy gripping his wrists as he dragged him up the stairs. It falls blank after that. Jihoon supposes he's thankful for that, but being heard that he's nearly been raped leaves a sour taste on his tongue.

" _Almost_?" Jihoon asks. There's still a strong sour taste in his mouth, and he watches as Wonu opens the lid to the bottle of pain killers and hands him two, along with the bottle water that was perched on his night stand. "Yeah. Almost. You're lucky Mingyu was there." Wonu has a similar distaste expression on his face and Jihoon swallows the pill with embarrassment and resentment tugging in his gut. He feels like crying.

"I wasn't there, and Mingyu wouldn't tell me anything. He called me, at 2am, and he sounded angry and kept repeating that some guy was trying to touch you when you were out. When I got there, you were still passed out on the bed, Mingyu was furious, he kept pacing but when I said I'd take you back to your dorm, he wanted to come. I don't know exactly what's happening between you and him, but I said it'd be better for you to be alone." Wonu looks uncomfortable, and Jihoon bites back the lump forming in his throat.

Why? Why would something happen like that, to him, of all people?

"But don't feel like you need to repay Mingyu back, you're not entitled to. You might be thankful, but don't think you owe him anything. He was just being a decent human being; he saw someone in trouble and he helped, regardless of your relationship." Wonu still looked a bit iffy about the situation, and Jihoon sighs drastically.

What now? He could go on with his life, pretend nothing happened (it's not like he was aware of it happening in the first place let alone could evem remember it happening - but it was still scary to think).

Wonu looked jiffy, and Jihoon glanced up at the older boy. He doesn't know how to feel, there's so many mixed emotions within him.

"I'm fine. It's not like I remember it? It's scary, yeah, but I'm fine," Jihoon croaks out, which he can't figure out is the truth or a lie. Wonu narrows his eyes just a bit. "You sure? If I was in that situation, I'd be terrified... do you at least know the guy's name? You should at least report it," Wonu's voice is gentle, soothing. Like he's scared to say the wrong thing. "What? No? I don't want to report it, do you know the trouble I'd have to go through? I can't remember the guy's name, either..." Jihoon doesn't know why he's suddenly angry, but the thought of having this reported and people knowing what would've happened to him is pretty mortifying. A name rings through his head, but he forces himself to not think twice about it.

"Are you sure? I just want what's best for you, Jihoon, I care for you," Wonu says, looking a bit upset. Jihoon turns his head to the ceiling, slipping his eyes closed. "Thanks, but it's really nothing. As long as he didn't really, you know, rape me or anything, then I don't care."

Wonu bites his lip, looking so torn. The spectacles he's wearing doesn't hide the distress glimmering through his eyes and Jihoon just wants to go back to sleep. The thought of Mingyu witnessing Jihoon attacked like that is embarrassing, Jihoon is ashamed for letting that guy hang off of him the entire night. The pain killers kicked in, his body isn't so achy and his head is no longer pounding and now he's fatigued.

Jihoon falls asleep once again, not caring if Wonu stayed or not.

-

Jihoon had been bed ridden for a week. He emailed all of his professors to say he had a family emergency and didn't specify when he'd be back in class, just so they wouldn't think he dropped out. He just didn't feel right to go out. Didn't feel right to possibly run into that guy (in the past week, Jihoon had fully remembers the guy's name and a small part of what he did to him, and it creeped him out a lot). Bed ridden was too drastic - Jihoon was room ridden.

He stayed in his dorm all the time, never once leaving in the past week. The reason he wasn't bed ridden anymore was because on the second day he decided to work on some music, and it's been a great outlet to write down what he's been feeling the past two weeks - which is super mixed and unclear. But because he didn't leave his dorm at all, Soonyoung, Wonu, and even Jisoo had stopped by with food, usually dinner, in the past week. They were all worried for Jihoon, despite the younger boy's protests that he was fine and just needed time alone.

It wasn't completely false. He did want to be alone, but he was also isolating himself because he was embarrassed and terrified. He hasn't touched his phone all week, and it buzzes with text messages everyday. They're all left unopened, and Jihoon wonders why his phone hasn't died yet as it sits on the same place on his nightstand.

Despite crawling back into his isolation hole, Jihoon had made sure to keep his room as tidy as he can so he didn't feel like a completely lost soul. It made him feel better when he'd throw his scraps of paper away instead of leaving them on the floor, on the desk, and he'd open his drapes sometimes. Not a lot. He preferred a dim dorm, but sometimes he just needed positivity.

Jihoon was sitting at his keyboard, diligently playing a soft tune he's created in the span of a day. His hair had been tossed in a pony tail, the last time he showered being yesterday which was the first time since. It was nice to scrub violently at his body with scented oils and body wash, in attempt to rid himself of all his sorrows and the negativity that's been bothering him, over the past days and he doesn't why he hasn't done that sooner. He let that guys scent stick to him. The t shirt he wore was a familiar black t shirt three sizes too big for him that exposed too much of his left shoulder and went down to his thighs. His underwear was pink and his socks were warm and fuzzy, a gift he's gotten from Jun two Christmases ago.

While Jihoon momentarily lost himself within the tune he created, he almost didn't hear his door open until he heard the click of it closing. His hands halted on the keys, and his eyes slipped open. In front of him was a brick wall with notes taped on the wall. He didn't want to turn around, already knowing who it was. Soonyoung, Wonu, or Jun had never entered into his room so quietly, and they would usually say something by now.

Instead Jihoon heard soft footsteps on the rough carpet of his dorm, and the sound of his bed dipping. From the corner of his eye, Jihoon saw the silhouette of a person sitting at the edge of his bed, and he tilted his head to the side, cancelling out the entire right side of his view as he began to play his keyboard once again. This time the tune came unprepared, something he made up in the midst of the moment as his brain began to wrack up.

"Jihoon..."

Jihoon blatantly ignored him, halting his playing to write down the chord progression because he had to admit that the something he came up with sounded a bit decent to be worked on. The scratches of the pencil against the paper rang loudly in Jihoon's ears.

"Jihoon..."

Jihoon sighed, but he didn't bother to turn around.

"What do you want?" He asks.

"I just... wanted to see you, that's all." He ignores how torn the voice sounds.

"Well, here I am." Jihoon says, scratching more words onto the paper just to have his attention on something.

It fell silent again, and it irritated Jihoon a lot. Finally, he turned around. Mingyu was sitting on his bed, looking like he hasn't had a good sleep in days but he still managed to look just as attractive as Jihoon knows. He looked more thin than usual, and Jihoon is concerned for a moment. Mingyu looks up from where he was spaced out in deep thought, and their eyes connect. Jihoon must look as small as he feels because something flashes in Mingyu's eyes that resembled pity, and he rolls his eyes.

"You haven't answered any of my texts," Mingyu says, a hint of confusion in his voice. Jihoon shrugs. "If I haven't answered any of my friend's texts, don't expect me to answer yours." A flash of frustration crossed Mingyu's features, and Jihoon sighed dutifully. It was true. If he didn't answer any of his closest friends, why should he answer Mingyu? They were only friends, it's not like Mingyu was anyone important anymore.

"Listen, I just wanted to see how you were doing... I kind of missed you, you know," Mingyu mutters the last part, and Jihoon's pent up rage sparks. "Missed me? Me? Or my body?" He asks, venom on his words. Mingyu looks annoyed, a bit angry, and it intimidates Jihoon the way his features darken and eyebrows furrow drastically. "What's gotten into you?" Mingyu asks, voice raising higher than Jihoon appreciated.

"Oh, fuck off. Stop pretending to suddenly care about me just because you saw some guy nearly rape me..." Jihoon spits out, face red, hands shaking. Mingyu's face falls, and he stands up. Jihoon sees a flash of hurt on Mingyu's face before it's replaced with a stoic expression. "I don't really understand you, you know. You're the most confusing person ever." Mingyu says, and Jihoon barks with maniacal laughter.

Him? Confusing? As if he wasn't an open book the entire time?

"Me? _Confusing_? Says the guy with the most complicated fucking story I've ever heard, match that with your unreadable personality and expressions. But oh no, _I'm_  confusing because I talk about almost getting raped like it's a joke when I haven't left this fucking dorm in a week because I'm terrified of running into that guy again. _I'm_  confusing because I express my emotions to a person whose emotional range is the size of a teaspoon, who probably has never expressed any sort of genuine emotions. _I'm_ confusing because I don't fit your idealistic type of a friend with benefits." Jihoon is angry, really angry. His face feels hot, and his hands are shaking. Halfway through his rage, he stood up from his seat on the piano, walking over to Mingyu and jabbing fingers into his chest as he glared at him. All he saw was red when he looked up at Mingyu.

"Don't call _me_  confusing when I've only managed to scratch the first layer of you when there's probably so much more. You're the one who's so confusing it actually drives me insane. Just fuck off, Mingyu. I think we both saw this coming, but I'm done. Okay? I'm done being your toy. I'm done with you not caring for me. Something horrible happening is when people start caring the most, but that makes me feel even more small. Just leave. Please." Jihoon couldn't tell if he was crying or if he was really that angry that his vision started going haywire - blurry. But his entire frame was shaking, and he felt so vulnerable. He was so angry and so tired.

Suddenly, arms were wrapping tightly around him. Jihoon began hiccuping as he attempted to push Mingyu off of him. " _No_ , leave. I don't want to see you ever again," Jihoon hiccups, though his actions spoke louder than his words as he slowly began to visibly relax into Mingyu's arms, though weakly pushing the taller man away out of stubborness. His face was brought tightly into Mingyu's chest, and for a moment he relished in the scent of musk and man, before clenching his eyes shut and grinding his teeth as he wiped his eyes into the article of clothing, dampening the material. "Leave, leave." Jihoon repeated, squirming out of Mingyu's hold, hands shaking as he pounded on Mingyu's chest.

When Mingyu was about to pull away, the thought of being alone suddenly surfaced his mind and that was the last thing he wanted. Especially when he felt so vulnerable and tired. His hands were quick to tug at Mingyu's t shirt, his sweater, his pathetic whines and sobs echoing through the small room as he grappled to tightly hold onto the taller man in front of him. " _Don't leave_..." Jihoon murmured, voice shaky as he wrapped his arms around Mingyu's neck in attempt to prevent him from letting go. Though Mingyu wasn't planning to leave, and he wrapped his arms tightly around Jihoon's waist, burying his face in the smaller boy's neck as his heart ached.

Jihoon quietly sobbed into Mingyu's chest, letting out all his frustrations and everything he's felt. His body was shaking, as much as he attempted to gain control of himself, he just couldn't stop hiccuping and quivering. Everything was blurry and he was tired.

"Lay with me," Jihoon says with a small cry, which he can't find himself to deem pathetic because everything about him right now was pathetic. He's tired, and standing seems to wear himself thin. "Of course, of course." Mingyu replies softly, nudging his nose softly into the soft skin of Jihoon's neck before pulling away, forcing Jihoon to look up ever so slightly. Mingyu plants a soft kiss to Jihoon's forehead, the shorter boy slipping his eyes shut at the small action.

They lay on the bed. Jihoon is so small, he curls himself next to Mingyu who holds him protectively. There's still so much unsaid words, Jihoon thinks. He doesn't expect Mingyu to suddenly declare his love for him, but just anything would suffice. Mingyu holds him close, and Jihoon appreciates the warmth and protection he feels. He takes no time finding a steady pace of breath before falling into a deep sleep.

They can talk properly when tomorrow comes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-

*~*

Mingyu doesn't mean to get jealous. It's not like Jihoon was technically his to begin with. But when the older boy didn't respond to his text after a few hours, Mingyu had got fed up of scoping around his apartment. So he decided to go to Minghao's party, not knowing that that was where Jihoon was.

When he arrived to Minghao's house, there seemed to be way more people than usual, but Mingyu was quick to find Minghao talking to a group of people Mingyu couldn't care less about. Minghao seemed surprised to see him. "Aha! Here at last! I was wondering if I'd have to force Chan to drag you here, but depending on his situation with Soonyoung, I'd say he's already got himself knocked," Minghao laughs at his own joke, obviously buzzed. Mingyu looks at the crowd uncomfortably. "But your babe sure is here. Saw him talking to a Fine Arts student earlier, and what a model he was." Mingyu's eyes narrow at Minghao, wondering why the boy was talking so oddly. But he couldn't help but think about Jihoon.

He was here?

Mingyu patted Minghao's back, dismissing himself as he found himself a new quest. After mixing himself a drink, he took light sips as he looked around, forcing himself to believe he wasn't looking for Jihoon, but just to see if he really was here. A slow half hour passed, Mingyu's cup was half empty, and he managed to shake off two girls already. Seriously, that was rare. He should be making out with a hot girl instead of searching for a guy he has casual sex with.

Just as Mingyu was about to convince himself to find someone else, from the corner of his eye he saw a familiar face. He looked in that direction and saw Jihoon. Actually Jihoon, in the corner with some sleezy looking tall guy practically hanging off of him. Jihoon looked way too intoxicated as he had a dopey smile and lidded eyes, cheeks flushed and hair messy from being constantly pushed back. Mingyu leaned back and sipped his alcohol as he forced himself not to stare too long, though he couldn't deny that he felt resentment towards the guy who would most likely beat him in a beauty pageant.

Another slow half hour passed, and Mingyu wondered if all Jihoon was going to do with the guy was tease him , depending on the way he pushed him away with little laughs every time the guy got too close. Mingyu didn't mean to be salty.

Then, Jihoon was dragging the guy away. Mingyu forced himself not to care, but the thought of someone having Jihoon in a way he had made his skin crawl, and he found himself going in the direction they have. Until he saw them stop near the stairs, he stopped near them, hiding behind a potted plant and some people who shielded him. Mingyu watched with envy as the guy pinned Jihoon to the wall, practically attacking his face with his own, and what confused Mingyu was Jihoon's reaction - his facial expression was rather blank, but his hands were roaming over the guy's chest. Deciding not to be a creep, Mingyu looked away, his attention falling on girls in front of him.

But soon after, the guy was dragging Jihoon away, the shorter boy looking rather distressed as they went up the stairs together. Mingyu, being jealous and a bit concerned, followed them, squeezing past the girls who giggled at him. He went up the stairs, though he stopped halfway through when he saw the first door close. He was stirring with jealousy, biting his lip harshly.

Why did he even care? It's not like Jihoon was only limited to him, especially when Mingyu wasn't so innocent of sleeping with other people in the time he's met Jihoon (which only happened twice, and they were both girls, and it's been over a month since he thought about sleeping with anyone else). It would be hypocritical for him to get angry, but he couldn't help the jealousy that brewed within him.

He also couldn't bring himself to just barge in on them. But then he remembered Jihoon's lack of reaction to their kiss, his distressed, almost blank, expression when he was being dragged away. He can't really decipher what that could mean, other than Jihoon not wanting it. But at the same time, why would Jihoon hang out with the guy for hours, look fine and rather cosy with him in their spot, but then not want him? It was possible, but Mingyu just wasn't sure what Jihoon was thinking or feeling.

Mingyu found himself going up the stairs, a tingle in his stomach from the alcohol he consumed earlier. He reached the top and found himself inching closer to the door. The music blaring made it impossible to even hear what was going on in the room, and once he stood outside of the door, he halted. Did he really want to embarrass not only himself but Jihoon if he barged in and found them fucking? No. But he was salty.

He knocked on the door, just in case they were fucking, and when they heard a knock they'd clamber into a dignified position. He opened the door, very lightly, though when the first sliver of light poured into the room, the guy growled.

"Fuck off, shut the door. You can have him when I'm done," The guy hissed, and Mingyu felt disgusted and albeit angry. "What the fuck?" Mingyu growled just as venomous, pushing the door fully open. The tall guy was ontop of a seemingly unconscious Jihoon, the smaller boy's jeans were discarded on the floor and Mingyu saw red.

"Get the fuck off of him!" Mingyu yelled, going over to the guy and grabbing him by the shoulders, yanking the guy off of him. The guy stumbled onto the floor, glaring deeply at Mingyu. "Fuck off, will you? We're having fun," The guy snaps, pushing Mingyu's chest so he stumbled back. "Fun? He's passed out, you pervert!" Mingyu yelled, pushing the guy until he stumbled and he kicked the guy's shin so he tumbled to the floor. He was blinded by anger. Mingyu has never been in a physical fight before, but he wasn't hesitant to kick the guy's stomach, making him curl and groan, and reach down and grab him by the collar of his shirt and throw punches to his face.

The guy shielded himself, thrashing on the floor as Mingyu continued to attack his despite his hurting knuckles. "Fuck out of here! I swear to God, if I see your face near him, I'll kill you!" Mingyu yelled, tugging the guy up off the ground and thrusting him towards the door, and the bloodied guy stumbled as he gave Mingyu one last glare before running off.

Mingyu was furious. He walked over to the door and slammed it shut, bringing his aching hand up and examined his knuckles. They were already angry red and bruising, and he groaned in pain as he clenched and opened his fist, watching the red knobs bob way too high than usual. He shook his head, turning to Jihoon's slumbering form.

Mingyu was suddenly unsure if Jihoon was passed out or was drugged, and he hoped he was just passed out. He swooped down and picked up the discarded jeans, and as he did so, Jihoon's phone fell out of his pocket. Mingyu picked it up and pocketed it in the midst of the moment, checking to see if Jihoon was harmed in any way. Despite being pantsless, no serious touching seemed to have occurred, thankfully. Jihoon's chest faintly rose up and down.

Mingyu looked up at Jihoon's face, the older boy had his lips parted as harsh breaths left his lips, and his eyes were scrunched but he seemed to be asleep. He suddenly felt sorrow for the boy, his anger disappearing as he took in the form of the passed out boy. He suddenly remembered that he should probably get Jihoon out of here before that guy tries to come back, so Mingyu very carefully attempts to put his pants back on. He slides the pants leg over the leg of the passed out boy, hating how easily he was able to move the boy around without disturbing his slumber once. It sickened him.

Once Mingyu got his jeans on and buttoned and zipped him up, he carefully laid the boy in a better position where his legs didn't practically dangle off the bed. Then he reached in the pocket of his sweater, pulling out Jihoon's phone. He clicked the home button, seeing the numerous unopened texts from his friends, and he slid left and cursed inwardly at the lock code. He reached over to Jihoon, using the unconscious boy's thumb to unlock the phone that thankfully worked.

Mingyu opened Jihoon's contacts, scrolling through the long list. A name popped up that Mingyu was sure he, and also Jihoon, could trust. Mingyu was quick to dial his number.

"Hello? Jihoon?" A sleepy voice asked.

"Wonu, I need your help..."

 

It took a while for Wonu to get there, and Mingyu only got more and more fidgety with every minute that passed. Jihoon hadn't moved at all, his breathing was still heavy in his sleep, and Mingyu was pathetically worried. Jihoon was his hyung, how could he not care?

The door opened and there stood Jeon Wonu, looking rather concerned.

"What happened?" Wonu asked, looking between where Mingyu sat on a chair at the end of the bed and a passed out Jihoon on the bed, and that was all it took for Mingyu to snap. He stood up and began pacing a bit. "God, I don't even know. I came in, there was a guy on top of him but he was passed out. He was touched, Wonu. It was non consensual, he was passed out. He was touched, assualted, _______raped,_ __something horrible. His pants were off, God, he was touched innapproprately when he was passed out by some sleezy pervert." Mingyu is exasperated and frustrated. Wonu steps into the room and closes the door, cancelling out the sound of the music thumping downstairs.

"Woah, woah. Are you sure?" Wonu asks, going over to Jihoon's sleeping form and sitting on the bed next to him. Mingyu snaps his eyes to Wonu. "Am I sure he was about to or was raped? Yeah, why else was that guy on top of him? Doing things to him when he was unconscious? Do you know that when you're so drunk on the verge of passing out, you can't consent? No matter what?" Suddenly Mingyu is thinking about the night he and Jihoon met. They were both fairly intoxicated, but they both consented when the buzz began to wear down, they weren't that drunk in the end. It was different than this night - Jihoon had actually been unconscious.

"I think I should take him home, to his dorm, I mean. I borrowed Soonyoung's car, I just need help carrying him," Wonu says, gently pushing Jihoon's growing hair out of his sleeping face before standing up. Mingyu stops pacing and looks at Wonu. "Here, I'll help." He says, going over towards Jihoon and very gently lifting the boy up, pulling him into a sitting position. Mingyu also wasn't very strong, and he didn't think he could carry Jihoon either, but he attempted to.

Except when he struggled to even find his balance, Wonu helped out, and in the end, the two boys of similar height were forced to crouch down as Jihoon's arms were placed around both of their shoulders and they both held the boy up. Jihoon gained a bit consciousness, never fully waking up but moaning, groaning, lifting his head when it began to loll and walking along ever so slightly as the trio began to exit the room. Mingyu had a strong grip around Jihoon's waist, same as Wonu on the other side of him, and they began their struggle down the stairs.

People stared at them, some snickered that the "little dude was way too out of it", and others ignored them. They were quick to exit the house, thankfully not running into any of their friends, and Wonu led the direction where he parked Soonyoung's car. They had to cross the street, but Mingyu only thought about Jihoon's wellbeing to think twice about his bruised knuckles throbbing as he gripped Jihoon's hip tightly. They reached the car safely, and Wonu was heaving as he dug in his pocket and unlocked the car with the click of a button.

Wonu opened the back door, taking a hold of Jihoon fully, and Mingyu let him as he practically handed the boy over and stood back to watch the older man place the boy in the backseat, laying him down on the seats and closed the door with a loud slam that echoed throughout the street.

"I want to go with him," Mingyu says, and Wonu turns back with uncertainty etched on his face. "Mingyu-ah, I'm sure he'd appreciate it, but I think it's best for him to be alone at a time like this," Wonu says, and Mingyu nods in understanding but there's still the urge to know Jihoon would be taken care of safely. "Thank you for calling me. Goodnight." Wonu says, before climbing into the drivers seat. Mingyu stands back as he watched the car roar to life, and begin driving south.

He watches at the headlights of the car disappear in the horizon line and he's no longer able to see the car anymore, remorse and frustration still stuck with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plot twist???


	10. you're my bad habit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their eyes connect, and Jihoon feels so lifted when he sees Mingyu's expression is soft and different from his usual lust gaze whenever they lay together. He offers a very small smile, a simple tug of the lips, and Mingyu returns it just as small and softly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayooo!! another chapter... thanx for all the reads of this horrible fan fiction, i had no idea where the plot went.. but we're back to it just being pwp :D
> 
> also, AL1 is out and i love seventeen so much omg!!!!! and don't wanna cry mv is at 7.4 million views!! that's amazing!!
> 
> ps sorry for the late upload, i currently have exams and i might not upload the next chapter next week... because of the wait, i made this chapter the longest i've written at 8.9k words.. i also feel like this story is coming to a close, perhaps by chapter 15 after one big kinky finale?? who knows.

For the first time in a long time, Jihoon felt utterly hopeless. There were times, just recently even, where he's felt the most happiness. Where he felt the most free. Moments like those, he didn't know he was supposed to hold those feelings tight because one day he might forget how they would feel. Now he felt confined. Caged. Locked up, and he couldn't do anything about it.

During the night, it became harder to breathe. He was alone. Alone in his confining dormitory. Where the walls were painted white, where very little sunlight poured into the room. He was terrified. There was nothing he couldn't do about the pit he was falling deeper into.

All because he couldn't understand.

Anything.

How was it possible for one person to come into your life and change the way you perceived things?

How was it possible for one person to put your thoughts to shambles and be the cause of your self-destructive (no sleep, no eating) habits?

Maybe he was being melodramatic. Jihoon had always been the one to stir up drama in his high school years, maybe he hasn't really changed much since then. Maybe he was the same, scared kid who desperately wanted to feel as if he mattered he was in high school. Maybe he was overthinking things, like usual, and he thought himself into the pit of despair.

But at the same time, he just felt so incomplete. So confused. So conflicted. He felt many things. And they all led to his situation. They all led up to none other than Kim Mingyu.

Maybe he wasn't thinking about Mingyu's feelings. He had a bad habit of thinking about his own feelings before others, despite how much he denied it to himself. Maybe Mingyu didn't like him. Maybe he was forcing Mingyu onto him. Maybe Mingyu was close to cutting ties with him officially because he was just so much work and had so much baggage and feelings - and he didn't sign up for that. It was a casual agreement of being nothing more than friends with benefits.

Jihoon had fallen in love with Mingyu in the short amount of time. And it's fucking him up.

-

Jihoon wakes up with a jolt, suddenly paranoid about the heavy arms drape around him as he pushes them off of him and crawls up on his bed so his back is leaning against the wall and his legs pulled to his chest. This position makes him appear much smaller than he is. His hazy, sleep-lidded eyes decipher the figure next to him, who is moving to sit up. For a moment he can't think of why he's reacted the way he did, and it's a bit awkward when Mingyu looks up at him with concerned eyes. Jihoon bites his lip pathetically.

"Everything's alright?" Mingyu asks, voice laced with grogginess, and in the moment, yeah, it is. His reaction of feeling a body close to his after a while of sleeping alone was pretty pathetic, but Jihoon is fine. He can't find the words to say yes, so he nods. "You sure?" Mingyu asks, sitting up a lot straighter. His hand reaches out and rests on Jihoon's knee, and from the touch Jihoon could feel flowers flourishing.

Okay, yeah, Jihoon is a bit dramatic.

"Yeah... Yeah," He confirms, nails digging into his palm at the unstableness he felt in his stomach. His eyes drifted away from Mingyu and caught the little sliver of light against the wall across from the window. It was a golden streak against the wall, fading out into a burnt orange before being stubbed out from the small crack on the curtain. "Totally, I just... I don't know... I was surprised..." He continues, words heavy on his tongue. 

Mingyu doesn't question it, but he still looks uncertain to drop the subject. But he does. And Jihoon is grateful, because it really was nothing.

Jihoon awkwardly picks the skin around his nails - a habit he does when he's uneasy and anxious. Mingyu seems to be in thought, and Jihoon lowers his head towards his hands. There's tiny crescent shaped indents in his palms that are bright red, and it burns when he curls his hands, but nothing too severe. 

Maybe he should tell Mingyu. But he doesn't know how to word it without scaring him off. It's so complicated. Really. It's also not as easy as he wishes it could be. But telling someone how you really felt was never easy.

Jihoon took a few minutes to collect his thoughts, what he wanted to say, how he should say it. If he should even say it.

"We should talk," Mingyu suddenly says, bursting Jihoon's thought bubble. Jihoon looks up at him, and Mingyu looks just as torn as he probably does. "Okay..." Jihoon mutters, completely aware of how tense the air was. Mingyu is sitting up on the bed, his long, lean legs covered in an pair of jeans - obviously uncomfortable to sleep in but he didn't say anything about it - crossing under him so he's sitting up against the pillows. He pats the spot in front of him, looking up at Jihoon through his eyelashes, and for a moment Jihoon forgets how to breathe at the pathetically cute sight.

He slowly moves where Mingyu wants him, the bed shifting under his weight, until he is sitting across of him, their knees barely touching as the shorter boy looks down at his clammy hands.The air is heavy, and Jihoon is so nervous and a bit overwhelmed.

There's a comfortable silence as much as Jihoon wishes there wasn't, it makes him remember that he used to be so comfortable in Mingyu's presence even if they weren't talking, but lately he's been nothing but tense around the taller boy. It has obviously affected their relationship, made things sort of awkward. 

Sunlight pours into the small room, a crack of light crossing Mingyu's clothed chest and the wall behind him. Jihoon could see the way Mingyu's face is flushing, like he's completely unaware of what he wants to say and it's making him nervous, he could see the uncertainty in his eyes and Jihoon forgot that Mingyu was so young, two years younger than himself. He was obviously still learning to express his feelings due to his age, his inexperience.

"What's been on your mind lately?" Mingyu asks, breaking the comfortable silence, and Jihoon realizes he's been staring at him too closely so he awkward diverts his eyes to the strip of light across his chest. The question puts him off, he wasn't expecting Mingyu to honestly care that much. It makes him aware that he's not sure how to answer that question.

"Um. A lot... I don't know..." He says, biting his bottom lips as he diverts his eyes once again, this time to his hands in his lap. "Okay. So what's the main thing that's on your mind that is bothering you," Mingyu says in more of a statement - a demanding to know - instead of a question. "Just tell me, even if it's something embarrassing." 

"Honestly? A lot. No bullshit. There's too many things going on in my life that bug me to the point of insanity - at least, almost," Jihoon finds himself saying before he could filter his words. Mingyu nods to show he's listening, but Jihoon doesn't catch the pitying look in his eyes. "Like, I'm scared. To do anything outside of this dorm. Because of - ugh, I really didn't want to make this a big deal, but it's not something I can ignore just because I was passed out and can't remember any of it - but it still haunts me. Not to the point where I need, like, therapy, only where I'm afraid of leaving my dorm by myself or the thought of going to clubs. Chan invited me to his birthday party a few days ago, and I couldn't go because I was scared. I felt so bad for not going because he's such a good, genuine friend. I felt so bad, I apologized so many times..."

As Jihoon unravels half of his entire baggage of Mingyu, he could feel his chest get lighter despite recalling the horrible things that have been weighting him down yet again. Mingyu looks stoic, but there's a soft shimmer in his eyes. Jihoon is too scared to label it as something he might regret.

"I'm probably lowering my academic average due to my ass attendance, I quit my job just this week because I knew I wouldn't be able to work if I couldn't even leave my dorm to attend classes, and because now I'm jobless, it's most likely I won't able to pay dormitory fees and I'd be kicked out of on-campus living, meaning I'd go back to Daegu because there's no one who could take me in and support the both of us while I get back on my feet after inevitably dropping out of university because of how downhill my entire life is getting all because I met you-" Jihoon doesn't realize he's nearly hyperventilating until Mingyu has his hands cupped around his cheeks, telling him to calm down. Through a blurred vision, Jihoon feels his cheeks heat up as he forces tears to not come out, breathing unsteady and heart rate pacing too fast. He blinks, and tears fall down his cheeks, Mingyu is quick to wipe them away with the pads of his thumbs and Jihoon forces his breathing to regulate. It takes a while, for him to calm down enough to push Mingyu off of him and divert his eyes down to the sheets out of embarrassment.

Jihoon sniffles, stray hairs falling from his messy ponytail at the top of his head onto his forehead and brushing softly against his cheeks. "When we met, all those months ago, I didn't think much of you in more ways than, you know, hooking up. Because we both found ourselves silently agreeing to just that. It was nothing serious, nothing to really question. People hook up all the time. But... I'm really, lacking, at controlling my feelings. I'm practically an open book; once you get used to my stoic demeanour, once you get passed that shell, I'm really... You know, not so shy, not really as smart as I seem. I still lack a lot of knowledge of how I'm supposed to behave, what my limits are. So... I felt more... I wanted more... More than what we had, more than what you gave me...

"I felt almost safe with you. Almost. In the best way possible. I forced myself to believe that you felt the same way too, despite knowing the truth. I was so conflicted, so torn. I acted the way I felt - confused and frustrated. I began desperately hanging onto you as if I was... scared, of losing you... for some reason. But then I just didn't. I figured I shouldn't waste so much time on a person who didn't like me back, which is why I started ignoring you, if you must. Started getting tense around you. I just felt so uncomfortable and frustrated around you. My friends noticed and said that what I was doing was unhealthy for my mental health, but I didn't care about my mental state. I only cared about you, which is the most toxic thing I could do to myself. That's not romantic. Putting someone else's feelings over my own mental health.

"I'm not good at talking about how I feel, if it wasn't obvious, but not to the point where it's nearly impossible to understand how I feel. But I still like you. And I hate that because it's like I'm fucking myself over for liking someone who doesn't see me that way. And I don't want you to force yourself to either, you're not obligated to reciprocate my feelings because I've guilt tripped you into doing so. Just know that if you, for some reason, discover that you are like... in love with me or something, that I'll be here." Jihoon ends yet again with another sniffle, unaware of when he started crying silent tears. The tiredness falls heavy on his eyelids, and he's hunched over in a vulnerable position, avoided Mingyu's gaze. Tears fall onto his lap, sliding off his cheeks before he shakes them off.

His chest feels light, but heavy at the same time. There's so much more he wants to say, but all he said would suffice. He's so anxious about what Mingyu is going to say - if he is going to say anything at all. There's a soft hand reaching under his chin, forcing his head up until he is face to face with the younger boy. There's something glimmering in those stoic eyes, it almost resembles sadness and uncertainty, and it breaks Jihoon's heart just a bit. Mingyu wipes away dried tears, Jihoon feels his eyes slip shut as he leans into the touch. Then there's arms wrapping around his waist, pulling his tight against Mingyu's chest. Jihoon stumbles forward, but he grapples his arms around the taller boy's neck desperately, resting his forehead against his collarbone as he shakes slightly from the overwhelming sensation he feels.

The position is a bit awkward, Jihoon was forced onto his knees after being pulled tightly to Mingyu who wasn't close enough to do so casually, but he moves forward anyway, crawling unconsciously closer to the younger boy until his knees are pressed onto the mattress on each side of his thighs, desperately clinging to Mingyu. Mingyu's arms tighten around his waist.

"You're a fool, Lee Jihoon." Mingyu mutters, and his voice sends shivers down Jihoon's spine and he buries his head further into the taller boy's neck. There's no other words exchanged, and they remain in the position they're in for quite some time that honestly feels like two minutes to Jihoon. He yawns before he could catch himself, he feels Mingyu's arms tighten just a bit.

"Sleep. It's too early." Mingyu mutters yet again, and Jihoon doesn't bother to look at the alarm clock, he takes Mingyu's words as the truth and is pulling away just enough to motion the younger boy to lay with him. He does. Jihoon lays down on the bed, arms still wrapped securely around Mingyu's neck as he moves down to lay beside him on his back, his own hands still around Jihoon's waist. Jihoon rests his head on Mingyu's shoulder, certain his arm would fall asleep under Mingyu's weight but he didn't care as a wave of fatigue washed over him and he yawned yet again.

So he went to sleep in the arms of someone he genuinely liked, heart heavy but chest lighter.

-

There's bright sunlight pouring into the room, and warmth of the blanket tucked securely around him. Jihoon feels at ease after his cathartic release that he opens his eyes easily. His bones aren't achy and his muscles aren't so tense. There's also the press of a strong body against his back, an arm wrapped protectively around his waist. He doesn't want to get out of bed, not because of fear, but because of how pure he feels. Especially when he's with the man he adores.

Jihoon turns around in bed, making sure not to awaken Mingyu. The taller only squirms a bit, before he settles back into his sleep. The single bed isn't big enough for two men, but they make it work. Jihoon rests his head on their shared pillow, reaching his hand up under the blanket and gently strokes Mingyu's arm, watching his face with admiration.

He's learned to appreciate moments like these. Where Mingyu is asleep and he could just watch him for hours, admire the beauty that is Kim Mingyu. It's kind of cliche, and Jihoon hates himself for being so typical, but Mingyu was truly beautiful. His dark, long eyelashes gently fanning his cheeks as he slept, dark messy hair splayed on the pillow, and dark skin glowing in the sunlight.

Jihoon looks across Mingyu's head, the alarm clock displaying 11:02am as the time. Jihoon wonders how long he's slept, or even what time he first woke up that morning and spilled his heart out, but he feels well rested so he doesn't complain. Bringing his attention back to Mingyu, Jihoon's heart clenches. 

He wants to kiss Mingyu's soft, pink lips, but he's unsure if he's able to. If he should. There's so much Mingyu hasn't said that clarified if he was okay with this, okay with Jihoon's confession, if kissing was okay now. He stayed asleep and unaware, Jihoon watches as his eyes twitch behind closed eyelids but remain closed. He looks so beautiful when he sleeps.

Jihoon can't help but lean ever so gently, eyes closing lightly as he places a chaste, soft, ghostly kiss on Mingyu's lips. It's barely noticeable, just a soft brush of the lips, but in an instant Mingyu is tightening his arm around Jihoon's waist, curling his hand around the dainty hip and deepening their kiss. Jihoon is taken aback, but he doesn't resist as he melts into the ever so gentle kiss. Mingyu pulls away, their lips parting with a light smack that leaves Jihoon flushing in embarrassment.

Mingyu opens his sleepy eyes, a soft glimmer in them and Jihoon ducks, cowards under his gaze, feeling rather pathetic and embarrassed.

"Hi," He says, gently nudging his nose against Mingyu's chin, the taller boy tilting hid head up to give access to his neck, where Jihoon places ever so soft kisses. "Hi." Mingyu replies simply, voice deep, husky, filled with sleep. Jihoon's lips trail from Mingyu's neck up to his jawline, to the corner of his mouth and he hesitates a bit, before Mingyu looks down and connects their lips yet again. This time the kiss is much more deeper, almost intense, and Jihoon falls into the soft breaths the taller boy emits in the kiss, falls into the way his heart is beating rapidly in his chest as if he was going to go into cardiac arrest any moment.

Jihoon falls much more for Mingyu in the midst of the moment.

Mingyu pulls away, and Jihoon is panting, cheeks flushed as he falls against the pillows. His hands are tight around Mingyu's bicep, and he loosens his grip before sliding his hand down to the taller boy's stomach, feeling the taut pull of muscle under the shirt he wore. There's nothing inherently sexual about the moment, it was simply moment of trusted intimacy that Jihoon craved.

Their eyes connect, and Jihoon feels so lifted when he sees Mingyu's expression is soft and different from his usual lust gaze whenever they lay together. He offers a very small smile, a simple tug of the lips, and Mingyu returns it just as small and softly.

Jihoon figures he should get out of bed to shower, but he really doesn't want to leave, he feels so content with things and he doesn't want to risk changing the atmosphereo and spooking the both of them when he gets up and reality settles. It seems Mingyu could read minds, because he is shifting away just a bit, pushing himself up onto his elbows.

"Get up. We're going out and you're going to buy Chan a belated birthday gift and we are going to also buy birthday gifts for Hansol and Seokmin's birthday in a few days, then we'll eat at a restaurant or fast food place of your choice," Mingyu says. The idea of going outside momentarily pales Jihoon's face, but he knows he should feel safe when he's with Mingyu. The taller boy was intimidating and could be scary when he wanted to, so he nods with a flush of the cheeks and a soft smile. He almost forgot about Hansol's birthday, but he didn't know Seokmin's birthday was also near. "Hansol and Seokmin share birthdays, and they never go out or throw parties no matter their age, it's always a hefty game of Mario Cart with a lot of food and just close friends, so you don't have to be afraid to attend." Mingyu adds softly, sitting up on the bed as Jihoon does the same. Jihoon appreciates the trying tone in Mingyu's voice - at least he cares enough to coax him to not be afraid.

Jihoon nods yet again, getting out of bed and making his way towards his bathroom. He doesn't bother to lock the door let alone close it all the way out of habit as he turns on the shower spray and waits for it to warm up by stripping himself of his clothes. It's when he's slipping off his shirt that he realizes his bones protrude more than usual, and that concept makes him deflate. He didn't mean to harm his body in the midst of his depression episode, but then again he frequently forgot to eat even when his friends brought food to him, he never ate a lot of it. He also realizes his stomach never grumbled anymore and he frowns at the thought of being used of being empty of food.

He slips into the shower, shivering under the warm spray against cold skin. He's quick to wash his hair, scrubbing soap suds against his body to clean himself of the filth he's buried himself in for the past days. The shower lasts longer than usual, and Jihoon finds himself leaning against the tiles, spaced out as the water slowly trickles from warm to cold.

"Jihoon?" Jihoon shakes his head when he hears his name called. He turns off the faucet when the water begins to turn cold, and he steps out of the shower. Mingyu is not in the bathroom but rather standing at the entrance, looking a bit curious and worried. "You have a million texts." Mingyu says as Jihoon grabs a towel and begins to dry himself, not shying away from Mingyu's eyes after months of seeing each other naked and showering together more than once.

"Hm. Like actually a million?" He asks in a joking manner. "Okay, I lied. There's 1,342 which is still a lot. Also like, 23 missed calls," Mingyu says, this time his tone is a bit envious and Jihoon doesn't hesitate to catch on. "Oh? Is little Mingyu jealous that I have friends?" He jokes, towel drying his hair so he's unable to see Mingyu's reaction. He hears Mingyu scoff. "It's from like, 4 different groupchats, and I've been in a few of those and Seungkwan sends 200 texts a day, so."

Jihoon wraps the towel around him, walking past Mingyu as he heads to his dresser. He opens the top drawer, pulling out a pair of underwear and drops his towel to the floor. When Jihoon slips on his underwear, he jumps when he feels arms snake around his waist.

"Hm. Have you been taking care of yourself? You're noticeably thinner, and I liked your tummy," Mingyu says, and though there's a bit of a teasing tone near the end, his question comes out serious. Jihoon momentarily stops rummaging through his drawers, "Um, I guess I forgot to eat, that's all. I know I'd gain it all back in no time because I'm a food slut." Jihoon hadn't meant to say food slut because, well, that wasn't the best term to use, but Mingyu laughs. The sound rings bells in Jihoon's ears, and he softly smiles as he proceeds to look in his drawer.

"Okay. But please try to stay healthy, that matters the most. Not me," The way honesty drips from Mingyu's words has Jihoon feeling a twinge of guilt. For himself and for Mingyu. It must've been a burden knowing he was part of the reason Jihoon wasn't doing so well. "Hey, it's okay. Really." Jihoon says when he knows he should've just dropped it. Mingyu's fingers poke his stomach before humming and pulling away without a reply. Jihoon decides to drop it and pulls out a pastel blue t shirt with a cactus in the centre with a phrase in English written in a way Jihoon couldn't decipher.

Jihoon puts on that t shirt along with black jeans with slits on the knees, adding white socks with little pineapples on them. It's an average Jihoon outfit, and he tops it with his navy blue zip up sweater. He brushes out his hair, which has been growing way too long in the past months. He forgot the last time he got a haircut as brushes through the thick hair that almost reaches past his jaw roots way too long for his liking, it's darker than his preferred light brown hair. He wonders if he should get a haircut today.

Jihoon turns to Mingyu, brush still in hand. "Can I get a haircut today?" He asks. He's not sure why he's asking for permission when he's his own person, but he tries to justify it by saying he should ask a head of time so he doesn't interfere with whatever else Mingyu has planned for today. Mingyu looks a bit floored. "Uh, yeah. If you want? We can do that first, actually, if you want to," He says with a shrug of the shoulders. Jihoon smiles a bit and nods. "Yeah. We should do that first, I'm scared to see how my hair will turn out when it dries - it's a mess." He says, ruffling his own hair.

Jihoon decides to wait for his hair to dry enough to go outside so he won't get sick, and he passes time by finally checking his messages. A majority of the texts are from the separate groups chats he's in with 11 other people. There's only one of the four groupchats that Mingyu is in, and it's been inactive for a few days, so Jihoon opens the texts just to rid his notifications but doesn't bother to read them. He does the same with the other three, rolling his eyes at Jeonghan's all caps messages and Chan's funny-but-not-so-funny offensive memes. There's also separate texts from Soonyoung, Wonu, Jeonghan, Seungcheol, Chan, and even Mingyu. He deletes Mingyu's texts without opening them, and leaves the others on read as he skims the texts of worried friends. He manages to text back a simple 'I'm okay, please don't worry about me anymore. I'm going out for the day, and I would like to be left alone, but I promise to be safe' to all his friends, even to the groupchats except the one Mingyu is in.

There's replies instantly.

Jeonghan: DUDE YOU SCARED ME NEVER LEAVE ME ON UNOPENED

Seungcheol: have fun hoonie 

Seungkwan: nice nice happy ur ok

Hansol: it's sunny outside but plz dress warm still little jihoonie 

Minghao: wowow

Chan: (image attached)

Jeonghan: CHAN STOP

Jihoon: that's not even funny but at the same time it is and i'm going to hell for laughing

Seungcheol: is that really the reason ur going to hell jihoon (deg)

Jihoon: well if u go by that logic then i'll see all of u in hell 

Minghao: WOWOW

Hansol: WTF

Seungcheol: sit on daddie satans lap am i right

Jeonghan: Shut up have fun little lee

Jihoon locks his phone and plugs it in, watching the red bar in the top corner of his phone change into a white one. Mingyu was sitting on his bed, face deep into his own phone and when Jihoon moves over to peek at the screen, he sees Mingyu is playing a game. It's of fruit and how they fly up and he uses his finger to slice them. Jihoon can't help but coo at the adorableness.

"Sometimes I forget you're a child," Jihoon jokes with a deep sigh. Mingyu pauses his game and looks up at Jihoon. "Excuse me? I'm only one and a half years younger than you," He says, a small pout on his face. Jihoon leans onto Mingyu more, putting a lot of weight on top of the boy who heaves. "Still a baby." Jihoon sighs in a sing song voice that has Mingyu narrowing his eyes with a soft smirk.

Mingyu is quick to grab Jihoon and pull him up, pinning him down onto the bed and caging his body under his own. Jihoon gasps, Mingyu pinning his hands above his head, face oh-so close to his jaw and Mingyu nearly growls. "You're my baby." He says in a voice that sends shivers down Jihoon's spine. Jihoon writhed from sensitivity, a soft pant escaping his lips. Mingyu plants a kiss to Jihoon's jawline, his grip tight on his wrists. Then he moves up and plants an even deeper kiss onto the boy's lips, to which is eagerly returned.

He tries to move his hands to wrap around the taller boy's neck and maybe tug at his fuzzy hair, but Mingyu is persistient on keeping Jihoon in place, and he whines yet again into the kiss. The twist in his gut has Jihoon pulling away despite wanting more, needing more. Mingyu's eyes are dark, but in an instant they're twinkling into a soft sparkle, one oside of his mouth tugs upwards. Jihoon smiles softly.

"I want to cut my hair now."

-

Jihoon emerges from the barber shop with Mingyu in tow. He is quite happy with his new haircut. Instead of a light brown colour, he's gone far enough to actually bleach it so it was a dirty blonde, and he had his sides shaved and his hair trimmed so it fell against his eyebrows. The woman who cut his hair was nice enough to style it for him, which was a comma parting. Mingyu seemed really impressed with the hair change, his eyes were glued to Jihoon throughout the entire time as he sat in the waiting area.

Jihoon's mood has been lifted even higher, he feels like a new person despite only changing his hair. Mingyu seems contented with his good mood that he doesn't feel the need to say anything.

"Hm, that lady was so nice. She even recommended types of shampoos I should get to keep my hair this blonde, and she said she'd give me half off the next time I come in for root touch ups." Jihoon says, examining his reflection in his locked phone screen. Mingyu hums to show he's listening as they walk on the not-so-busy street side by side. 

The walk to a mall isn't a long one since most of Seoul is close together and there's a lot of stores and places to do things in, and the first place Jihoon wants to go is the food court.

"We haven't eaten anything before we came out; I'm starving," He says as he leads Mingyu to a Japanese food stand. Mingyu is perfectly fine holding his bag of recently purchased hair supplies from the barber shop as he orders his food with much delight. Jihoon turns to Mingyu halfway through ordering his food, "Yah, you didn't tell me what you want," He says, and Mingyu chuckles a bit before stepping closer and putting his hand on his shoulder. "The same as you, I haven't had karaage and nanbanzuke in so long."

Once their order is ready, they take their food to an empty table, around them being many students and adults. Jihoon is quick to devour his deep fried chicken and marinated fish, and they fall into a comfortable silence as they inhale their food. Jihoon is near finished when Mingyu speaks up.

"Um. So how are things so far?" He asks. There's nothing clarified about when he means, so it comes out like a simple question so Jihoon shrugs. "Good, I guess?" He says, scrunching his face when he notices he phrased it more like a question instead of a statement, but he shakes his head in general and smiles up at Mingyu, who watched the whole scene unravel with a light smile. "Yeah, this is some good food." Jihoon continues.

"Hm. Good. After this we'll begin shopping, okay? You can choose the stores."

So Jihoon does. He chooses middle ground stores - neither high or low end or popular name brand. Besides getting gifts for Chan, Hansol, and Seokmin, he did do a little bit shopping for himself. It's been a while since he bought clothes for himself. Mingyu was nice enough to offer to carry some bags for him, which Jihoon couldn't deny as his fingers might've snapped off. The trip comes to a close after 3pm, Jihoon is pretty sure his bank account is empty by now, so Mingyu offers to pay for a cab because there's no way they could walk twenty minutes with ten pound bags.

Jihoon can't help but lean into Mingyu just a bit as the cab driver drives to the university campus.

-

"Oh my god, your hair!" Jeonghan exclaims, running a hand through Jihoon's hair. It's styled the same as when the barber first cut and styled it, and Jihoon smiles brightly as Jeonghan proceeds to run his finger through the strands with wide eyes. "You haven't been blonde ever! It looks so good on you, seriously." He says, and Jihoon thanks him with a weak chuckle.

"Yo, dude, sick hair," Seungcheol says as he comes in behind Jeonghan, with them is also Jun and Wonu. Jihoon hadn't realized how much he missed his friends until they came, and he feels his heart swell with many emotions but he plays them off casually. "Thanks. I needed a change." He says.

"Whyyy? Your long hair was cute, if you wanted, you could've grew it longer than Jeonghan's and have the best hair in our group," Wonu says, and Jeonghan rolls his eyes as Jun and Seungcheol snicker. "Shut up, I'm planning a hair cut one day," Jeonghan retorts. "Hm. One day." Jun puts quotes around one day and he and Wonu snicker.

"Anyway, I think you already know why we came here," Jeonghan says, going towards Jihoon's door and closing it with a twinkle in his always mischevious eyes. Jihoon pretends to think, resting his chin in his palm as he leans back into his chair he's sitting in at his desk. "I don't recall anything." He says, eliciting snorts and eye rolls.

"You've been happier lately, and we want to know why," Jeonghan says, and it's Jihoon's turn to roll his eyes. That makes Jeonghan scoff yet again. "Come on! You've been a wreck for like, a month, and in the span of like, a week, you're suddenly not? That's interesting, we want to know why because it's killing us and we're curious, but we probably know why, we just want to hear it from you." Jeonghan says all in one breath as he falls dramatically into Jun's lap with a deep sigh. Jihoon notices Seungcheol's eye twitch. 

"It's honestly nothing." Jihoon says, though he himself knows it's a lie. He's been feeling better because of what he said to Mingyu, which the younger boy has been taking surprisingly well despite not telling Jihoon the way he felt. It was something they both silently agreed they were working on, as long as everything remained smoothly between the two.

"Bullshit, Jihoon-ah, just tell us," Jun says, shocking Jihoon for a brief moment before he only laughs and dismisses him entirely. Jun takes no offense. "Yeah, just tell us," Wonu adds. Seungcheol shows no particular interest in Jihoon's life to the point where he would beg and Jihoon is grateful for that, but there's some curiosity in his eyes. "See? Everyone wants to know." Jeonghan chimes in.

"Okay, fine," Jihoon says after a long period of silence. "But it's not exciting or what you guys might've thought it was going to be," He adds with a shake of the head. "But I confessed to Mingyu. That alone made me so relaxed 'cause it felt like a weight has been lifted off my chest. He took it surprisingly well, and we've been hanging out more which distracts me from thinking too hard, and he helped me with my coursework like, two days ago, and he said he will walk with me to and from class. I don't know, I'm just learning to appreciate his small acts of kindness because it shows he cares about me and I guess that makes me seem more happy?

There's still things unspoken between us, like how he himself feels, but that's okay. He can take his time, I know I tend to be overdramatic and I probably scared him a bit. But so far, I'm trying to get my shit together because it's not fun staying in bed all day pitying myself." Jihoon says this quickly, some words might've been jumbled together, but his friends seem to decipher them enough to understand. Wonu is the first to speak.

"So you're okay now? Because Mingyu is treating you well?" He asks, and Jihoon becomes flustered. "What? I didn't say that-" Jeonghan cuts him off. "But it was heavily implied, Jihoon," He says with a glint in his dark eyes. Jun shifts uncomfortably under his weight. "Well, I didn't mean it like that-" Yet again, Jihoon is cut off by Seungcheol. "Just admit it. Mingyu makes you happy, even if he's a confusing as fuck person, in the end you'll probably always find some sort of happiness within him. It's true you're dramatic, but I didn't know you were clich, too."

Jihoon only scoffs pathetically, shaking his head as he denies such things. But after his friends continue to stare at him unbelievably, he only responds by hiding behind his hands and turning his chair around so he doesn't have to face the truth.

His friends laugh at his misery and embarrassment.

-

It's the first time Jihoon has been to Mingyu's apartment in weeks. Everything is the same. There's nothing missing nor added, and the scenery outside of his window remains the same. Jihoon places his winter jacket on a hook and takes off his shoes as Mingyu makes them both hot tea. It's 10pm on a Thursday evening, Jihoon was about to head to bed for the night when Mingyu texted for him to come over. Jihoon assumed it was because he wanted to finally tell his side, so he came over with no hesitation.

Mingyu looked rather nervous, proving Jihoon's hypothesis even further as he placed a rust-colored mug in front of Jihoon who sat on the love seat pressed against the wall. It was almost always piled with untidy clothes so it was always unusable whenever Jihoon came by, but since it was empty and there was an open book placed on the small coffee table in front of it, he took a seat and hoped for the best.

The tea was too hot so Jihoon blew it slightly before resting it back into his palms as Mingyu took a seat next to him. They faced the window, watching the streetlights flicker in the distance and the faint sound of cars driving on the street below them. Mingyu turned a bit to face Jihoon. It didn't take long for Mingyu to break the silence, and he sounded quite confident despite his quivering expression.

"So, like, I've been thinking for quite sometime. Long before your confession, but I was too embarrassed to think like that so I repressed them. But since you confessed, I've been trying hard to word what I wanted to say correctly," Mingyu then begins to fidget just a bit, taking a sip of the scalding tea, before continuing. "Like - okay. I'm still not sure if I'm wording this right, but I like you? I like you, okay? For some reason, in the beginning, I didn't want to like you. And I think I did well on hiding my feelings..." Mingyu attempts to laugh to lighten the mood but Jihoon is reminded of his entire debacle that exhausted him emotionally and he frowns. But he can't deny that his heart is beginning to pace fast.

"But? I like you, and I know you like me too, and that's pretty much how far I've gotten without scaring myself, but please, add your input if you like." Mingyu finishes with another sip of his tea, and Jihoon can't help but be a bit disappointed. He can't be mad that Mingyu has a hard time putting words to his feelings, but he's annoyed that it took him so long to admit that he liked him back and that's all. Jihoon passes the hot mug between hands as he bites his bottom lip.

Is that all? 

Admitting feelings but being too scared to say what they want without spooking the other?

"Um. Is that all?" Jihoon asks, a bit quietly. "Yes. I mean no, well - I want to say something else but I'm just scared. I just want to hear what you'd want after I, you know, said that I like you back," Mingyu stutters over his own words despite his confident exterior, and from when Jihoon turns his head to look at him, he catches the nervousness in his eyes and faint flush in his cheeks. Jihoon's mouth is dry. "So you're telling me that you want me to suggest something?"

Mingyu looks over at him, biting his lip. His face is unreadable, but there's something urging him to say something. "I don't even know what you want. Just because you like me, it doesn't mean I'll understand what you want and I'd hate to speak for the both of us if you don't agree with what I'm hoping for. You're not much of an open person despite saying you were working on that, it's still hard to understand you sometimes." Jihoon says with a small shake of the head, exasperated.

"What are you hoping for?" Mingyu suddenly asks. It takes Jihoon by surprise, and he's about to ask what he means out of defense for his pride when he just shakes it off and decides to get straight to the point instead of fighting. Jihoon is done disregarding his feelings and denying what he wants to say; it just makes things complicated. "I'm hoping to be more than friends. That's all."

Mingyu is silent, and Jihoon wonders if he should've just played hard to get - hard to understand as they sit in a tense silence. Jihoon brings the mug in his hands up to his face and blows, taking a tentative sip and winces when the hot liquid burns his throat on the way down. He's entirely uncomfortable.

"Why didn't you say this sooner? It would've made everything easier," Mingyu mutters quietly, probably meant to not be heard, but Jihoon hears it and furrows his eyebrows. "Yah! Says you, who can't even talk about how he feels without feeling terrified. Not everyone can blurt out how they fucking feel, you should know-"

Jihoon is silenced when a soft hand is placed on his jaw, pulling him into a rough kiss. His hands shake and he nearly drops the mug in his hands but he grips tight as he immediately pushes into the kiss and deepens the rough kiss into a soft tender one. Mingyu's finger gently tap the sharp expanse of his jaw, thumb running over the soft skin of his cheek. Jihoon feels himself heat up, and he can't help but shift closer, feeling his stomach twist in knots. They're both holding mugs, and Jihoon doesn't want to drop his hot tea onto himself by forgetting he was holding it, so he pulls away. The distance remains close, and Mingyu's hand is still on his face, gently running the pads of his thumb on the heating skin. Their eyes connect and Jihoon's stomach tightens.

Jihoon pulls away, Mingyu's hand falling down onto his lap, and he places his mug on the coffee table in front of him. His hands then begin to shake once the mug is placed safely on a flat surface, and he bites his lip as he turns around to face Mingyu once again. The taller boy has dark eyes, an unreadable expression but his face is flushed slightly. Jihoon falls into him yet again, their lips crashing into each other as Mingyu is quick to dominate and lean the boy back into the cushions. Jihoon arches his back slightly as he is brought down to lay on the couch, their lips not once disconnecting. His legs fall open, Mingyu easily slot between them as their kiss quickly heats up.

Mingyu's hand trails down to grip at Jihoon's hip, running his thumb over the exposed, prominent hip bone. Jihoon shivers, a soft pant escaping his lips as he lifts his legs and wraps them loosely around Mingyu's waist. He can't be bothered to figure out where they stand right now, Mingyu is touching him in ways that he's been craving for weeks. He lifts his hips when Mingyu's hands find their way between his legs, gently palming at his growing erection to which he whines and falls back into the cushions, breaking their kiss. He opens his lidded eyes, gazing deeply into Mingyu's dark own pair, and he moans and throws his head back when Mingyu adds more pressure to his crotch, shivering.

Jihoon is turned on, no doubt, and his heart is swelling when Mingyu slowly leans down and places soft kisses on his jaw, going down to his neck. Goosebumps arise on his skin and he shudders, lifting his hips up into Mingyu's touch and cowering away from sensitivity of the kisses placed on his neck. The hand Mingyu is using to hold himself up slides under Jihoon's head, lifting the boy's head up and connects their lips. It's a hasty kiss that turns dirty quickly, and Mingyu rubs Jihoon harder and has the boy mewling under him.

Jihoon can no longer stand the burn on his crotch from clothes rubbing against his sensitive dick, so he whines and attempts to push Mingyu's hand away despite craving the feeling of more more more.

"H-hurts," Jihoon whines into the kiss, shocked at how his own voice sounded so small. Mingyu is quick to let go after that, pulling away from the kiss to look up at Jihoon with worry. "Uncomfy..." Jihoon clarifies, flushing harshly from embarrassment. Mingyu understands, but he becomes hesitant to touch Jihoon again, and the boy whines and lifts his hips. "Please, keep touching me..."

Mingyu's eyes darken yet again, but there's still fondness swimming in his dark gaze. He opens his mouth, tongue sliding out to lick his lips, and Jihoon melts at the sight, feeling his stomach clench and dick twitch. Mingyu silently moves his hand to his crotch, hastily unbuttoning his jeans and slowly pulling down the zipper and Jihoon whines and lifts his hips. The jeans are tugged down, along with his underwear, and his dick springs out and lands coldly again his stomach. Jihoon softly moans when cold air hits his hot dick, and he moans once more when Mingyu's hand tightens around it. 

From the lack of sexual intercourse in the past weeks, Jihoon feels ready to burst just when Mingyu begins a steady pace, the dry drag of his grip on Jihoon's cock sending shivers up his spine. His lips attack Jihoon's neck, and the smaller boy is overwhelmed with pleasure that he grips Mingyu's t shirt and arches his back, countless splutters and moans escaping him. His stomach tightens before he knows it, and when pleasure shoots up in his veins from the tugging of his cock, Jihoon comes unexpectedly and way too early for his liking, but he caves into himself and shakes when Mingyu thumbs the slit, smearing come over his tip. He came so unexpectedly that he got his shirt dirty, but he ignores it as he tightens a hand around Mingyu's wrist, whining from sensitivity. Mingyu lets go, lifting his head up and swooping down for a soft kiss.

When he pulls away, Jihoon melts into the sofa, his softening dick still exposed. Mingyu sweeps in for another kiss. "Be a good boy and suck me off, will ya?" He asks, voice low and dark. Jihoon shivers, goosebumps rising on his skin as he nods. He slides off the sofa onto the ground, Mingyu sits up after he tugs his joggers and underwear down, exposing himself and Jihoon nearly gasps at the sight. It's been so long, he nearly forgot how exactly big Mingyu was, but he's not hesitant to take his dick in his palm, eliciting soft groans from the taller who gently runs fingers through his hair. He jerks Mingyu's dick a few times, and the boy groans.

Then Mingyu's hands are pushing his hands away, taking himself in his own hands. Jihoon opens his mouth, poking his tongue out, and Mingyu taps his dick gently against the warm tongue. Jihoon could taste the saltiness of precome, and he looks up through his eyelashes to see the boy's reaction. His eyes are dark as he stares down at Jihoon, mouth parted as gasps and pants escape. He taps against Jihoon's tongue, until the older boy reaches up and takes Mingyu's dick back into his own hands, closing his mouth around the tip. Mingyu groans, thrusting his fingers into Jihoon's hair, tugging at the bleached strands. Jihoon takes that as encouragement and takes him deeper. 

He lowers down onto Mingyu's dick until he could feel it tap against the back on his throat, and he feels pride at controlling his gag reflex as he swipes his tongue against the underside of his cock, loving the groans and moans that pour from Mingyu's lips. They fill him with confidence, and jerks the rest of his dick that can't fit into his mouth and he feels Mingyu's dick twitch in his mouth.

"Such a good boy, ugh, so pretty like this." Mingyu growls, and Jihoon flushes as he opens his eyes and looks up at Mingyu with his dick in his mouth. Mingyu groans at the sight, trying so hard to not thrust up into the warm wetness. 

He can't deny that Jihoon looks so pretty - pale skin, pale hair, on his knees in front of him with flushed cheeks, teary eyes and spit dribbling down his chin as he holds his dick between his lips. Mingyu can't help but tug harshly at the roots of his hair, but the boy doesn't seem to mind as a mischevious glint flickers in his eyes.

Jihoon begins to bob his head, suckling at the tip of Mingyu's dick every so often as he elicits groans from the taller boy. He could feel himself getting hard once again, and he reaches down to touch himself tightly to will his erection down, hissing around Mingyu's dick at the sensitivity. He pulls off with a pop, looking dazed as he continues to soften his dick. Mingyu notices, and he cups Jihoon's chin and forces the boy to look up at him.

"What are you doing, baby boy?" He asks, curiosity in his eyes. "Can't. Sensitive." Jihoon gasps, his stomach erupting in heat. Mingyu chuckles darkly, "Come up here, baby. Take off your pants."

So Jihoon does. He stands up on shaky legs, removing his jeans and underwear, shy under Mingyu's gaze, then proceeds to climb into the taller's lap, caging his thighs between his knees. He could feel Mingyu's dick press against his ass, and he lowers himself down so he's seated on his lap. The press of Mingyu's dick against his ass is not something Jihoon could ignore, but he looks up at Mingyu. The taller boy slides his hands onto his waist and plants them there, running his thumb over the dip of his hipbones.

Jihoon feels nervous. If they fuck, it'll be the first time in weeks since the fallout, and he bites his lip at the thought. Mingyu seems to have other plans though. His hands slide down to cup Jihoon's asscheeks, pulling the flesh apart, and Jihoon gasps when he feels Mingyu's dick rub dryly against his hole, but he notices Mingyu has not intentions of intruding. Instead he clams his cheeks around his dick, and Jihoon blushes furiously and shyly at this action. It makes Mingyu sigh before he lets go.

Wherever Mingyu had lube was a mystery, but he wasn't hesitant to pop open the bottle and pour a decent amount on his hand before slicking just his dick up. He does the same action, and Jihoon's hands find purchase on his shoulders as he rubs against his cheeks, softly groaning. Jihoon can't help but connect his lips with Mingyu's neck, piercing little bites into the soft skin. He ruts against Mingyu's dick, just to help the boy get off, and Mingyu's grip tightens on his cheeks that he's sure there will be marks. The thought has his own dick inflating despite the heat pooling in his gut that disagrees.

Mingyu comes suddenly, and Jihoon stills on top of him as his ass is painted with white streaks that drip instantly down between his thighs and onto Mingyu's lap. The thought has Jihoon quivering as he brings his face up from where they sucked many markings on Mingyu's neck and pulls the boy into a passionate kiss. Mingyu holds tightly onto him as they pant heavily into each other's mouth, cheeks flushed.

Jihoon knows that they're alright now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hm hm deg deg
> 
> sorry chan for not writing ur bday in this fic but i need time to zoom by i feel like the time period is too short


	11. adrenaline of love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon is sobbing again, but this time it's because he's so fucking happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo. sorry for the LONG ASS wait for an update :/ so much happened the past month - i graduated high school and did other shit where i barely had time to even write. i also forgot like a lot things about this story so things might be inacurate or not right anymore aha sorry  
> i cant remember if i even spoke about seventeen's new album if not then SWIMMING FOOL IS THE BEST SONG  
> bye. enjoi xoxox

Jihoon's eyes open before his mind could respond, and for a while he it staring at the ceiling until his eyes become adjusted and he gets used to the shapes around him. He turns to his side, spotting the faint sunrise peaking through the window. It's still pretty much dark out, so Jihoon is safe to fall back asleep. Except when he shifts in bed, the body next to him reciprocate his movement, and his mind is fuzzy with sleep that he doesn't think much when strong arms snake around his waist and pull him in. He finds comfort when his head rests upon Mingyu's chest, his nose buried in the younger boy's sternum. He plants a soft kiss against the skin, eliciting a shiver from Mingyu who holds him tighter.

This is Jihoon's favorite moment. He feels so contented, the steady heartbeat of his lover's heart calming, the warmth of his body radiating to share with him. Jihoon falls back asleep easily.

-

"I don't think that's right," Soonyoung says. Jihoon blinks, looking down at his music thesis, until he realizes Soonyoung is speaking to Chan. Jihoon turns his head to the youngest boy who is writing a report. "Yah, what do you know about journalism? You only dance," Chan retorts, but he uses his Ryan shaped eraser to erase his last paragraph. Soonyoung laughs, eyes turning into small crescents. "Channie ~ I'm only messing with you. But you're writing about Korea's loss against Japan, right? Don't use statistics, or you'll have to reference where they came from and isn't this a report based on your own knowledge? You were assigned to watch the game last Friday, right?" 

Chan narrows his eyes. "Well, excuse me. I couldn't properly watch the game because a certain someone kept distracting me."

Jihoon's eyes fly to Soonyoung, who looks between both boys sheepishly. He clicks his tongue disaprovingly, and Chan becomes flustered.

"Yah, it's n-not like that, Jihoon hyung. Don't think dirty," He stutters, and Jihoon is unsure how to handle such situation, so he shrugs. "Doesn't matter to me, Chan. You're both grown men now, aren't you?" The subtle implications behind his words has Soonyoung becoming as flustered as Chan. The oldest boy reaches across the table and grips Jihoon's dainty forearm, a pleading look in his eyes. "Jihoon-ah, stop before we both die."

Chan looks less flustered, but the mention of a relationship being optional does leave him speechless. Soonyoung looks relieved that Chan isn't weirded out, and Jihoon snorts because his friends are so weird? It's been obvious from the get-go that Soonyoung found attraction in Chan, and though Jihoon doesn't know if it's reciprocated because Chan is oh-so oblivious, it's obvious that there is something between both boys.

Jihoon hears his phone vibrate from where it's placed on the table under a few scattered papers, and he pulls his arm out of Soonyoung's grip to reach out for it. He picks it up and brings the electronic device up to his view.

From: Jeonghan

Our Jihoonie!!! I met up with Seokmin a few days ago, you know him from the Christmas party? He is a nice guy! I wanted to know if you're still up to hang out today? Seokmin is tagging along!

Seokmin...? Jihoon thinks back, suddenly the image of a tall guy, a big smile, and a loud laugh comes to mind. Ah, Seokmin. He was definitely Jeonghan's taste. Jeonghan was always thriving for more extroverted friends.

It was Thursday afternoon, Jihoon had just gotten out of his last class at 1pm. He met up with Chan and Soonyoung in the library to catch up on work, and they've been here for almost two hours. It wasn't too late to go off campus, Jihoon deemed. It was only 3pm, and he was positive Jeonghan only wanted to see the new horror movie Seungcheol refused to watch with him because of his distaste of gore films. They planned today to just be for Jeonghan and him, but the more the merrier. Jihoon texts back an enthusiastic "yeah we are, and sure Seokmin can come! Text me the address".

The address was the mall closest to campus, which had a movie theatre a short walking distance from it. Maybe Jeonghan wanted to do some shopping beforehand.

"I gotta go, Jeonghan wants to meet up," Jihoon says to Chan and Soonyoung, who nod in understanding. "Hey, don't have too much fun," Soonyoung says, a caring tone in his voice and a soft glint in his eyes. "We've only just gotten you back, don't ruin this." He adds, and Jihoon narrows his eyes but can't help the grin break through. He missed smiling with his friends, and he genuinely appreciated their caring attitude towards him. He can't deny that he missed this side of himself, too. 

Jihoon stands up after gathering his work together. "Yeah, cute Jihoonie doesn't deserve misery. At least you've gotten a lot happier," Chan adds. Jihoon knows Chan doesn't know the whole story - no one really does. And he doesn't want to talk about it because it's over. It's dealt with, him and Mingyu are on very excellent terms right now. Jihoon doesn't feel like a pathetic mess anymore. "I am not cute, I am a grown man." Jihoon decides to reply with, earning laughter from Chan and Soonyoung.

After bidding goodbyes to his friends, Jihoon goes to his dorm before meeting up with Jeonghan. He goes there to put his school work away so he doesn't have to lug around a 10 pound backpack, and he changes his white sweater into a rusty red one. From countless outings with Jeonghan, Jihoon had learned to never wear colors where stains are surely to stay forever. He's thrown away numerous white clothing throughout the years he's been friends with Jeonghan.

So many food fights... so many weird liquids spilt.

Jihoon leaves his dorm, the cold spring day rather inviting.

-

Jihoon holds a bag filled with a pair of jeans and two t shirts, in another hand he holds an Etude House bag. Jeonghan had convinced him to buy toner, because after minutes of begging both Jihoon and Seokmin to go inside because his lip tint had run out, Jihoon agreed only when Jeonghan offered to buy him something. Jihoon didn't really mean it, but after having numerous products shoved in his face, he settled for basic toner because hey, skin care wasn't just for girls. It was also a good way to use his coupon he recieved on Christmas that Jeonghan had stolen back ("You weren't going to use it! I knew you wouldn't. But we're here now, and I'm using it for you!").

Seokmin used the opportunity to flirt with girls. His charm wasn't the best, but his humor made up for it. The girls giggled, Seokmin left the beauty store with one number from a girl with dyed pink hair who "resembled an actual fairy", in Seokmin's words. Jihoon laughed, because Seokmin wasn't that weird. He was actually funny, his personality fit well with Jeonghan's.

"Jesus, Seokmin, I didn't know you were a player with the ladies," Jeonghan scoffs after Seokmin yet again comes back from a group of girls from the movie theatre lounge, where they've just emerged from watching the horror film. Seokmin laughs, though it's more sarcastic than serious, "Well, I am charming and fairly attractive, plus the ladies do appreciate my humor unlike loser friends."

"Hey! I appreciate your humor, I'm actually glad I have a person who I can exchange offensive jokes with," Jeonghan says, turning right to Jihoon before adding "I'm not serious about them, my humor is just fucked up sometimes!" Jihoon scoffs, as if he's never heard Jeonghan's offensive jokes and hadn't lowkey been offended, but it's nothing Jeonghan needs to know. Seokmin makes an impressed expression and Jeonghan rolls his eyes. "Of course, Jeonghan. I understand how much you want to kill yourself after dropping something or judging people's outfits or being borderline racist -"

Jeonghan slaps Jihoon with the hand that isn't holding his shopping bag. "Shut up! You know I don't mean it," Jeonghan says and Seokmin laughs. "Regular people just never understand the humor within memes," Seokmin says and Jeonghan is immediately agreeing just for the sake of ganging up on Jihoon. "You're both horrible people, but at least we're all going to hell together." Jihoon says, earning laughs from Jeonghan and Seokmin.

The trio walk out of the movie theatre, Seokmin and Jeonghan both attempting to hail a cab, Jihoon stands back to watch the debacle, his hands hurting from the shopping bag he's been holding for almost four hours. Just then, his phone rings. It's not a text message, but an actual phone call. Jihoon flushes as the ringing draws stares from random people walking by and he's quick to fish out his phone, not looking at the caller ID when he answers.

"Hello?" He answers a little bit too exasperated. 

"Jihoon?" A familiar deep voice cracks through the line and immediately Jihoon is straightening himself out. "Mingyu," He replies, feeling flustered as he attempts to get away from the loud traffic and his friends shouting at each other. "Where are you?" Mingyu asks just then.

"Jeonghan, Seokmin, and I just left the movie theatre, why?" Jihoon answers, nibbling his bottom lip as his stomach flutters. Jesus. "Just asking. It was noisy, so," Mingyu explains and Jihoon nods with a small 'ah, oh, okay'. "But I was wondering if you were busy this Saturday?" Mingyu asked and Jihoon's ears curiously perked up. "Why?" He asked, causing Mingyu to cough as he awkwardly hummed. "Uh, well, I want to, like, take you out."

Jihoon feels butterflies erupt in his stomach as his face heats up. "F-Friday? Yeah, I-I'm free," Jihoon stutters, feeling his heart swell. The line crackles before Mingyu replies. "Great! I'll text you the address and what to wear. Uh, I'll see you then," He says, more enthusiastic and relieved than Jihoon expected. Jihoon finds himself giggling like an idiot. "I'll see you there, too. Bye, Mingyu," Jihoon is grinning like an idiot but he doesn't care. "Bye, Jihoonie." Mingyu replies before hanging up rather quickly. Jihoon chuckles, ending the already ended call with his heart fluttering and cheeks red.

Jihoon turns around to find Jeonghan and Seokmin staring at him with 'we know what just happened, you ain't slick' expression and Jihoon becomes flustered. "Uh, I think Mingyu is taking me on a date," He informs, and Jeonghan's expression changes completely. "What?! Are your serious?! I'm so happy for you!" He screams, earning stares from people around them as he closes Jihoon in on a big hug. Seokmin laughs at the display as Jihoon's face is crushed between Jeonghan's hand and body shoulder.

A taxi stops right beside them.

-

Jihoon has never felt more nervous in his entire life (okay, maybe that was a lie. He was very nervous at his high school graduation ceremony and when he received his university decline or acceptance letter, but right now he was emotionally twisted into anxiety). He tugged self-consiously at the white dress shirt that was too big for him that he borrowed from Chan because he was the closest person who was the same size as him, but curse Chan's rather muscular body as Jihoon tugged at the loose fabric on his arms and waist. Mingyu had said it was formal but not too formal, definitely dress shirt and slacks appropriate but not really a black suit and tie thing.

But Jihoon also didn't have dress pants, he also couldn't fit Chan's comfortably, and all his other friends were freakishly tall so they were obviously casted out. He was forced to settle with black jeans, but he had to admit he looked rather classy still. He styled his hair a bit up to the side instead of his usual fringe, he also couldn't deny that he put on just a thin layer of BB cream on to hide his dark circles from staying up late last night, nervous about this date.

The date was at a restaurant that Jihoon had never gone to, but according to Mingyu, the food was really good. Jihoon stopped looking at his reflection in the mirror when he phone vibrated, he picked it up from the night stand where it was charging and felt his gut tighten when he saw it was a text from Mingyu.

From Mingyu:  
Are you ready? Not to be cliche, but I borrowed a friend's car and I'll pick you up when you're ready ;)

The wink face threw Jihoon off as he screamed and laughed uncontrollably - internally, of course. He wasn't that type of person. But he found himself typing back a hefty reply confirming that he was ready and that he would wait in the lobby of his dorm building. He pocketed his phone and took a deep breath before grabbing his jacket from his chair. He slips it on, the black jacket actually fitting with his outfit, and he doesn't want to put on a hat and ruin his hair, but he also doesn't want to be cold out since it was Still Winter and Very Cold, so he settled for a scarf that he wrapped around his neck to at least keep warmth to his cheeks and ears.

His phone vibrated, Jihoon picked it out and clicked his home button to see a text from Mingyu saying 'okay, see u in a few mins ;)' and yet again, the wink face made Jihoon laugh and scream internally. He assumes it just Mingyu being Mingyu since it wasn't the first time he's used such emoticons, Jihoon still shakes his head as he prepares to leave. After one last once over, Jihoon leaves his dorm before he could regret anything. He walks down the stairs to the small lobby.

It's vacant and void of souls - it is Saturday after all. People are out having fun and Jihoon and going on a date. He waits near the exit so he could see whenever Mingyu's car pulls up, but in the meantime he pulls out his phone to check the texts from the group chat he's muted long ago.

Jeonghan: jihoonie has a date tonite! should totally stalk him

Seokmin: don't... unless u invite me let's go

Seungcheol: jeonghan seokmin NO

Seungkwan: you guys are literally insane let the boy live

Jeonghan: mingyu is a meanie

Jeonghan: though. like he hurt hoonie ;(

Minghao: Mingyu is Always a Meanie There's nothing we can do

Seokmin: oh shit true

Hansol: yeah at my party he totally stole half of my bottle.. rude ass

Seungcheol: actually that was me sorry sol, we shared it tho

Seungkwan: lmfao same

Seungkwan: i still remember you stealing it right from hansol's stash and downing it all in one go then trying to do a handstand wtf

Jisoo: [4 images sent]

Seungcheol: A Cursed Image, never talk to me again

Jeonghan: CHEOL OH MY GOD IS THAT REALLY U

Jisoo: unfortunately

Seungcheol: STOP!! WE WERE TALKING ABOUT JIHOON

Jeonghan: u rite :/ jihoon muted us Long Ago

Seokmin: hm wonder why

Chan: bc u guys are annoying

Jeonghan: CHAN WHOS BABY ARE YOU

[Chan left this group]

Seokmin: rip

Minghao: rip

Seungcheol: rip

Jeonghan: :(

Hansol: just don't stalk jihoon and mingyu. also seungcheol never talk to me or my son ever again

Wonwoo: 97 missed txts guys chill

Wonwoo: oh SHIT jihoon get some! also seungcheol same, u aint the only wild one at parties

Junhui: rip jihoon

Junhui: Rip seungcheol

Junhui: u guys are too much

[Jisoo added Chan to the group]

Chan: mingyu txted me sayin he's pickin up jihoon tonite uwu

Chan: thats all

Jeonghan: im still going to stalk them even tho i don't know where they're going 

Seungkwan: don't.. let them LIVE

The last text from Seungkwan was sent only two hours ago, so he doesn't bother replying to the group chat. He also has a few missed texts from Jeonghan, Soonyoung, and Chan. He opens Jeonghan's first.

Jeonghan: have fun on ur date i totally didn't force ur location out of chan xoxo

Jihoon rolls his eyes fondly but doesn't reply. He opens Soonyoung's next.

Soonyoung: the gc is annoying as shit lol  
have fun babe  
just know that my door is open if mingyu turns out to be trash again xoxox  
be careful and like tell me abt ur date when u can

Jihoon: thanks soonyoungie, will do! ur the best

Jihoon laughs as he sends the text, opening Chan's text.

Chan: bc mingyu is taking u on a date  
soonyoung asked me out  
can u believe that!   
i said yes bc we get along well!  
but have fun on ur date jihoon hyung! ;)

That cursed wink emoticon has Jihoon experiencing war flashbacks and he shivers as he writes a hasty reply.

Jihoon: aw chan! so happy for u guys ;)   
also will do xox

Jihoon curses himself for adopting Jeonghan's ironic texting habits because Chan's reply is a sad wink face that has him laughing. By the time Jihoon looks up and out of the window of the door, he sees a car pulling into the parking lot and suddenly he's hyperventilating as he screams internally. He forces himself to be calm though, because it could be anybody. He moves away from the door completely though, just to make it look like he wasn't anticipating anything.

Jihoon's phone vibrates in his hand and his stomach twists up as he reads Mingyu's "I'm here :)" text. He's screaming internally for quite awhile that he doesn't realize Mingyu had walked in until the door slams shut. Suddenly they're face to face and Jihoon is a quivering, flustered mess.

Mingyu looks handsome (like always!), his hair is styled back, his thick eyebrows framing his eyes so manly that Jihoon feels his stomach literally tighten, his dark skin glowing in the fluorescent lighting, his jacket unzipped, exposing his own white shirt that's a bit too tight and Jihoon gulps as he notices Mingyus chest muscles and abs bulge through the material. Mingyu eyes Jihoon up and down, reaching at Jihoon's eyes and offering a smile that exposes his canines that Jihoon nearly sways at.

"Hey," Mingyu says, but before Jihoon could muster up his right mind, Mingyu is talking again. "You look great. Really. If you don't mind, we should get going; reservation is scheduled for 8:05," He says, and Jihoon nods, still pathetically flustered. "Yeah, yeah. Uh, hey, you look great too, by the way, heh." Jihoon says so awkwardly that he mentally bites his fist and throws himself down a flight of stairs, preferably the ones at Mingyu's apartment. Mingyu's grin brightens up, and he wraps an arm around Jihoon's shoulders very lightly and turns to lead him outside.

Once they're out of the building, they're walking to Mingyu's car is relative silence that isn't too awkward, Jihoon is grateful for that. He also doesn't protest when Mingyu goes to the same side of the car with him and opens the door for him, he does thank him shyly as he climbs in, cheeks undoubtfully pink and butterflies fluttering in his stomach. Mingyu runs to the other side of the car and climbs in also just as Jihoon is putting his seatbelt on because hey, safety always comes first. The ignition is started and the drive to a potentially great night begins.

-

The restaurant is as Mingyu described it to be. There are many men dressed in casual dress shirts and women dressed in dresses that aren't too formal, the overall atmosphere of the restaurant has Jihoon feeling appropriately dressed for an occasion for the first time in a long time (he will never speak about the time he arrived to Soonyoung's dinner when he won first place in a dance competition wearing a dress shirt while everyone was casual - he will just not! University freshman Jihoon was so clueless). The front man sends them kind smiles as he leads them to a table for two reserved near the back, away from most of the other people but good enough to not be considered reject seats as the view from the window showcases the Han river. Of course it wouls be more beautiful if the water wasn't covered in a lot of snow and ice that streetlight didn't reflect off of it so now it was a dark, dank space that Jihoon couldn't help but chuckle at.

The table is cute - white lace tabkecloth covering the expanse with a single tall candle in the centre. Jihoon takes off his jacket and scarf just as Mingyu takes off his own, he sets them on the chair and they both sit down. Before either could speak, a waiter is coming by and giving them both menus. Jihoon thanks the man before opening his menu, stomach tightening but this time in hunger as he reads the many options. It takes Jihoon a while to realize Mingyu is staring at him from above his own menu and he becomes flushed as he stares back, the urge to hide his face completely real.

"Any ideas about what you're getting?" Mingyu asks, and Jihoon chuckles softly. "I'm a bit torn between the samgyeopsal and pork bulgogi - I also kind of wanted to see it be made in front of us," Jihoon admits with a shy smile as he lowers his menu just a bit. Mingyu copies the action. "Really? Hm. Have you ever had samgyeopsal made in front of you before?" He asks, and Jihoon hesitates to answer. "Ah, no, never. I guess I'm not a real Korean if I never experienced that," He says pitifully, earning a laugh from the taller man. "Never. You're plentiful Korean despite never experiencing literal Korean cuisine. But that can change one day." Mingyu raises his eyebrows in a suggesting manner and Jihoon blushes and raises his menu up yet again.

Jihoon decides to get pork bulgogi. Maybe it's because Mingyu also gets the same dish, but he doesn't say anything as the waiter jots down their orders and takes their menus.

"Ah," Mingyu sighs, leaning back in his chair just a bit. "I swear, your friends are amazing," He says, and Jihoon raises a brow as he takes a sip of the free water in a glass cup. "How so?" He asks, though he thinks he may know the answer already. "Jeonghan, right? He's like, upfront. He told me to treat you right or he'll flick my Adam's apple," Mingyu shakes his head with a distasteful expression, Jihoon's eyes widen but he can't help the laugh that escapes him. "Ah, really. What a guy." Mingyu adds, making Jihoon laugh yet again.

When Jihoon is calmed down, a silence falls between both boys and Jihoon looks up at Mingyu. He twirles his fingers in his lap, and Mingyu speaks up. "How is university? I know you missed a lot," He asks, genuinely curious that Jihoon's a bit shocked that someone actually cares. "U-uh, yeah, I did. But I'm back on track, yeah, my professors, they're really cool with me cause I'm a straight A minus student," Mingyu laughs at this and Jihoon flushes. "They gave me an extension for my assignments because I gave an excuse, and I was blessed for Wonwoo, Soonyoung, and Junhui recording lectures for me and helping me."

"Ah, another reason why your friends are so awesome," Mingyu says, and Jihoon is stumped but he nods. He knows his friends are exceptional, they show it everyday behind their goofiness. "Tell me more about your friends. They play a big part in your life, right?" Mingyu asks, and Jihoon nods because without his friends he'd probably he a homeless man in the streets or fucking up his life in dark alleys. "Yeah. Well. There's six of them: Seungcheol, Jeonghan, Wonwoo, Soonyoung, Jisoo, and Jumhui. Those are the ones who've been with me for so long and they're just... always there? They're loyal, basically. Like, the friends I know would be here with me for a long time even when we're all out of university and living our own lives - I know they'll still be constants in my life. If not all, then definitely Jeonghan and Soonyoung. But I love all of them equally and wouldn't have our friendship any other way. They're all too good to me, even if it's in their own way."

Jihoon doesn't mean to get tender, but he can't help it. His emotions have been fucked up all day, and taking about how important his friends are really triggered him. Mingyu listens intently with a soft expression, causing Jihoon to laugh, flush, and hide behind his hands pathetically. Just then, the waiter is coming by with their dishes and everything falls professional once more as Mingyu and Jihoon politely thank the man once more.

Jihoon ravages his pork bulgogi once the waiter leaves, making Mingyu laugh as he digs into his own food. A while into inhaling his food, Jihoon takes a sip of water to wash it down before starting conversation.

"To be honest," He begins, drawing Mingyu's undivided attention. "I really like Chan. I met him because of you and he's just the sweetest," Jihoon admits, flushing when Mingyu grins, his canines exposing yet again. "I also like your other friends: Hansol, Seungkwan, Seokmin, Minghao - they're cool people."

"Honestly, if you knew how my friends acted together you'd be swallowing your words," Mingyu says, making Jihoon laugh. "Seungkwan and Seokmin are the worst - basically the gag duet in our group. They love attention and making people laugh," Mingyu adds. "Ah, I think they'd get along with Soonyoung." Jihoon says.

"But Wonwoo and Jeonghan together is probably the worst. They're both gossipers, they start a lot of drama but never about us. It's really fun, but not so fun when a majority of the university hates them," Jihoon says as he takes another bite of his meal. "Seungcheol is basically our dad. You'd honestly expect him to get up to shit like them, and he does, but he knows when to be in control. It's nice because he's literally the only one who can control Jeonghan enought to calm him down." Jihoon chuckles to himself, from across the table he sees Mingyu smiling softly. Their eyes connect and Jihoon becomes flustered. A moment of silence follows through.

"Tell me about yourself," Mingyu says suddenly. "The stuff I don't know, and trust me I remember the things you've told me about yourself even if it wasn't a lot." He adds and suddenly Jihoon is flustered even more. Mingyu has a gentle sparkle in his eye that Jihoon never really saw before and it gets his stomach twisting and hands clammy because of the nervousness coursing through his body mixed with happiness. He finds himself grinning despite feeling like an idiot.

"Okay. Well, I'm from Busan," Jihoon begins, feeling like an idiot but it's okay because he's felt like trash in front of Mingyu more than once and the latter didn't mind. "I'm really interested in producing, I really want to professionally produce a song. I also play the piano and other band instruments, I played mostly classical growing up because my parents were super strict, but I discovered my own musical taste. Uh, that's really all, I guess. I'm not the most interesting person." Jihoon ducks his head because the look Mingyu is giving him makes him flustered and he can't believe he hasn't busted from how flustered he's been tonight.

"Nonsense, there's plenty more about you. Your favorite color, your dreams, people who've made you sad or the happiest, conspiracy theories you believe. I'm really interested in finding out those little things about you, but I think it'll be better to learn those about you than for you to say them to me." Mingyu says and Jihoon is a bit stumped as his stomach twists. Who would've ever guessed that behind the usually stoic, expressionless Mingyu laid a boy who smiled so big his canines showed and was genuinely caring and the biggest sap on the planet? Certainly not Jihoon!

Jihoon smiles to himself, stirring around the rest of his uneaten food as his heart swells. Mingyu is satisfied and chuckles softly. "Do you want to get out of here?" Mingyu asks and Jihoon thinks he's done so he nods. "Let's go." He says.

Jihoon is about to pull out his wallet to pay for his meal when Mingyu reaches across the table and pulls his hand away from even moving to his pocket. "It's okay. I'll pay." Mingyu says, puppy eyes soft and who is Jihoon to deny that? He blushes as he nods and Mingyu waves the waiter. Once the meal is paid and Jihoon's skin regained its normal color, both men stand up and prepare to leave.

"I know that it's the end of February and the snow has yet to dissapear, but do you mind if we go on a walk?" Mingyu asks when they step outside of the restaurant. Jihoon stands for a while before deciding the weather is tolerable before saying yes. Mingyu smiles and very hesitantly reaches down to grab at Jihoon's hand, who takes the hint and laces their fingers together, heart beating wildly. The direction Mingyu leads him in is towards the Han river, and Jihoon has butterflies in his stomach the entire time.

They walk in comfortable silence towards the bridge that overlooks the river. Of course, it's still winter meaning not a lot of the water could be seen, but it's still a beautiful sight to see white trees lining against the edge of the river and numerous city lights in the distance. Jihoon's eyes widen in amazement as he rushes to the edge of the bridge in excitement. It's been so long since he's been here, he nearly forgot how breathtaking the view was even if it was winter. Mingyu comes up behind him as Jihoon leans over the edge, admiring the view before him. He feels contented like this, the comfortable silence between him and Mingyu while he overlooks an amazing sight.

"It's really nice," Jihoon comments on the view. "So pretty," He sighs, his breath coming out from the cold air. "You're prettier," Mingyu says, and Jihoon is so disgusted that he turns over and hits Mingyu's chest. "Kim Mingyu, I swear to god you did not just say the most cliche thing ever!" Jihoon screeches in embarrassment as Mingyu sheepishly laughs. "Tragic." Jihoon mutters, still red from embarrassment and Mingyu laughs.

"Yah, you're the one being cliche. Don't comment on a view without hearing a disgusting, cliche compliment using your comment," Mingyu says in self defense and Jihoon rolls his eyes as he grins up at the taller man. "You're pathetic." Jihoon says with fondness in his tone. It makes Mingyu narrow his eyes, a small smirk on his face that Jihoon totally wants to kiss off.

So he does.

It happens quick, Jihoon is turning around and wrapping his arms around Mingyu's neck, pulling the taller boy down to connect their lips rather softly. Mingyu is quick to kiss back, his hands placed around Jihoon's waist as he tugs the shorter boy closer. Jihoon feels elevated as their lips gently move together and Mingyu's teeth sinking into his bottom lip that he doesn't want to pull away.

But they do.

Jihoon pulls away, cheeks pink, and Mingyu stares down at him with eyes glimmering and a soft expression. This new side of Mingyu really overwhelms Jihoon in the best way possible. He grins up at the taller man, who gently smiles and moves his hand from planting on the shorter boy's waist to interlocking their hands yet again. Jihoon flushes and begins to walk back to the restaurant, tugging Mingyu with him as he sends him one last continuous smile before turning around and walking rather quickly back to the parking lot where Mingyu's car is parked. 

The walk there is filled with gentle steps and way too many giggles for grown men, but Jihoon doesn't care because he feels so happy in this moment.

-

When Mingyu and Jihoon arrive to Mingyu's apartment, lips are attaching together and gentle touches are placed over each other's bodies, pulling each other closer. It's not rushed or desperate, but the adrenaline of being so in love has Jihoon fumbling and sliding his hands down Mingyu's chest through his dress shirt, wanting Mingyu to be closer. Neither have bothered to turn on the lights, the only light in the room being from the city lights pouring through the window which suffices. Mingyu pins Jihoon against the wall, big hands gripping his waist, nibbling Jihoon's lips as Jihoon submits with giggles every so often. Mingyu sighs softly into the kiss, pulling apart only to trail his lips down to Jihoon's jaw and neck where he plants soft kisses that has Jihoon shivering as he tilts his head back and opens his eyes softly.

He runs his fingers through Mingyu's dark hair, surprised when Mingyu's hands roam down to the back of his thighs and tightly wrap around them until he is lifted up. He nearly yelps and grapples for Mingyu's shoulders to secure himself as Mingyu holds him up and presses him against the wall, their lips connecting yet again. Jihoon wraps his legs around Mingyu's waist, his heart racing as Mingyu stands back with Jihoon still lifted. Their kiss doesn't break once as Mingyu carries Jihoon to his bed, gently laying the shorter boy on the bed, their kiss breaking, before climbing on top of him. Jihoon's hands find their way back to Mingyu's hair, their eyes connecting briefly before Jihoon is pulling Mingyu down for more kisses.

They make out on the bed for a while, hands roaming on each others bodies, Mingyu's hand reaching up and suggestingly unbuttoning one of Jihoon's dress shirt buttons. Jihoon sighs, spreading his legs wider and sliding his hand down Mingyu's chest to the front of his pants, fingers fumbling with the belt buckle. Mingyu pulls apart, his eyes are dark but there's swirls of something Jihoon can't decipher. His gaze makes Jihoon writhe.

"Are you sure?" Mingyu asks, and Jihoon finds it quite silly because this obviously wasn't their first time. But he doesn't want to ruin the intimate moment, so instead he nods. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure."

Mingyu straightens up, causing Jihoon's hands to fall down onto the bed. Jihoon watches as Mingyu unbuttons his shirt, their eyes connected, and he bites his bottom lip as Mingyu pops off the last button and swiftly slides his shirt off his broad shoulders, exposing smooth, dark skin. Jihoon has the urge to run his hands over such plains, but he keeps his hands to himself as Mingyu then reaches down to begin unbuttoning Jihoon's shirt as well. Jihoon flushes, helping Mingyu in the process and once his shirt is unbuttoned and his chest is exposed, Mingyu immediately leans down and places ever so soft kisses in the centre of his chest. Jihoon shivers, hands reaching to card his fingers in thick, black hair as Mingyu moves up to his collarbone, gently sucking and nibbling.

Mingyu's other hand is reaching down to the front of Jihoon's jeans, sliding down the zipper and popping open the button. Mingyu pulls away from sucking marks onto Jihoon's chest and shoulders to tug off his jeans, taking the underwear down with it, and Jihoon flushes, attempting to close his legs from embarrassment at the loving intimacy they've never experienced. Mingyu stops him before he could though, his hand gently prying his legs apart and Jihoon flushes as his already hardened dick lays against his stomach.

"So pretty..." Mingyu whispers, causing Jihoon to flush. His hands roam on Jihoon's pale skin, his thighs soft, while eliciting little gasps from the smaller boy. Mingyu then goes to remove his pants, unbuckling the belt and pulling his pants and underwear down before climbing back on the bed between Jihoon's legs. Jihoon wraps his legs around Mingyu's waist, shuddering when their erections brush against each other. Mingyu makes a soft sound, reaching over to his night stand and digging through the drawer before pulling out a bottle of lube. He's quick to lube up his fingers, and Jihoon feels his heart beating way too fast as Mingyu comes back to him, connecting their lips as his hand reaches down between Jihoon's legs and gently circling the rim.

Jihoon shudders yet again, nibbling Mingyu's bottom lip, and when Mingyu's finger breaches the ring of muscle, Jihoon bites down on his lip with a small gasp. It's been a while since they've done this, but the sensation becomes familiar as Mingyu gently wiggles his finger before proceeding to push in and out. Jihoon's back arches as he sighs into the kiss, their dicks rubbing together yet again. Mingyu pulls away from the kiss, going back to Jihoon's neck where he bites down and sucks. Jihoon shivers at the sensations, and Mingyu adds a second finger.

A small moan escapes Jihoon before he could stop himself, along with little pants as Mingyu slowly moves two fingers in him. When a third finger is being pressed to his rim, Jihoon makes an incoherent sound as his hole stretches around the digits and Mingyu is moving up from where he was sucking marks into pale skin to look up into Jihoon's eyes. Their foreheads rest against each other, Jihoon panting as three fingers slide deep inside of him. Mingyu curls his fingers and Jihoon's back arches as a gasp escapes his lips, leaving Mingyu looking rather pleased. He preps Jihoon until the shorter boy is whining, pushing back onto the digits.

"Mingyu," Jihoon whines, shivers running down his spine when Mingyu curls his fingers yet again. "I-I'm ready, just-" Jihoon is cut off when Mingyu's fingers slide out, leaving him empty that he circles his hips, needing friction. Mingyu leans down to kiss him once more before moving to pick up the bottle of lube again. He uncaps it and pours it onto his palm, lubing himself up at Jihoon watches with bright eyes. Mingyu's hand palms into the bed next to Jihoon's head as he moves forward and rubs the tip of his dick again Jihoon's hole, who whines softly and circles his hips. Mingyu then pushes in, making Jihoon gasp and still.

Jihoon is relaxed enough for Mingyu to continue pushing in without resistance, and so he does, sighing once he's deep inside of the smaller boy. Jihoon's mouth is gaped but nothing comes out except for pants, and Mingyu's other hand cages Jihoon between his arms and he swoops down and takes Jihoon's lips into his own. It serves as a distraction as he gently rolls his hips, causing Jihoon to hiss and writhe, his own hands gripping Mingyu's forearms tightly.

"You're doing so good," Mingyu mutters against Jihoon's lips, making the shorter boy flush and whine. "You feel so good." Mingyu adds, changing his rotating motion to gentle thrusting, making Jihoon moan. Jihoon's legs lock around his waist, and Mingyu knows he's ready.

Mingyu moves slowly, and Jihoon saviors the pleasure that shoots up his spine with every deep thrust, nails scratching against Mingyu's skin at the slow drag of his cock inside of him. Jihoon becomes overwhelmed by the close intimacy between them, the gentleness of Mingyu's actions, and the soft whisper into the dark. His eyes slip shut and he arches his back, Mingyu's lips reattaching to his neck to create more marks.

Mingyu's thrust change from slow to a bit quicker, eliciting constant soft moans from Jihoon who jolts with every thrust. The shared body heat was Jihoon sweating, his skin damp and hot. He's sure he could come like this soon. The gentle, passionate thrusts has Jihoon feeling way too emotional than he'd like, Mingyu's soft lips gently nipping his skin. He reaches down to touch himself, mostly to prevent himself from coming way too early, and Mingyu's thrusts changes angles when he shifted that he hits Jihoon's spot that makes him see stars and his toes curl.

He cries out, and Mingyu knows to keep going in that spot, and Jihoon jolts in pleasure as he curls his back and scratches a Mingyu's forearm. Mingyu pulls up from Jihoon's neck, breathing heavily and damp hair framing his beautiful face. Jihoon opens his eyes and their eyes connect, deep, passionate stares that have Jihoon shaking. Mingyu seems to be close as well, because he begins thrusting even more quick, leaning down to kiss Jihoon who quivers underneath him. Before Jihoon could stop himself, he's coming on his stomach and chest with a throaty moan, clenching around Mingyu sensitively who groans.

Jihoon allows himself to be used to get Mingyu to finish, back arched and veins tingling in sensitivity as Mingyu reaches a hand to Jihoon's own to lace their fingers together, his thrusting becoming sloppy. "Ngh.. God, Jihoon," Mingyu groans, causing Jihoon to gasp when he changed his angle to slide deeper into the boy. Mingyu's thrusts get even more sloppier, and after a few more thrusts, Mingyu is coming deep inside of Jihoon with a low groan of "I love you, I love you so much."

When Mingyu pulls out, he places a small kiss on Jihoon's collarbone before heading to the bathroom to clean himself off. When he comes back to the bed, Jihoon is curled up into a small ball, using the sheet as a blanket, and Mingyu is suddenly worried. He lays on the bed next to Jihoon, pulling the sheet up to cover himself as well before placing a hand on Jihoon's bare shoulder.

"Jihoon?" He asks tentatively. "Are you okay?" 

Jihoon turns around after a bit hesitation, and it's too dark to notice right away, but when Mingyu sees red eyes and wet cheeks he's suddenly very worried. He places a hand on Jihoon's jaw, using his thumb to brush away stray tears as Jihoon lets out a shaky breath before speaking.

"Did you mean it?" It takes a while for it to click, and the longer Mingyu is silent, the more unsure Jihoon becomes. But immediately Mingyu is nodding. "Of course I mean it. I think I've know for a while but I was just too afraid too afraid to admit it." Mingyu says and Jihoon nods, moving closer to Mingyu, who easily wraps an arm around him and pulls the boy closer.

"I'm sorry. I know we're already like, dating, but tonight was just so unbelievable?" Jihoon hiccups. "Plus I didn't sleep much last night so I'm very emotional regardless," He adds just for the sake of his dignity, and Mingyu softly chuckles, placing a kiss on the top of his head. "You should sleep then. But just know that I had an equally amazing day as you did. I really do love you."

Jihoon is sobbing again, but this time it's because he's so fucking happy.


	12. 12. an abundace of feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I can’t stop you from overthinking things, but I can prevent them by saying that what Jeonghan said isn’t always what everyone would do. I won’t leave you, I won’t abandon you, I won’t push you away if you don’t do any of those things to me,” He continues. Jihoon’s hands are shaking almost uncontrollably. He can’t promise that, but then again Mingyu can’t also promise that if he doesn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi >_<
> 
> sorry for the really really long wait for an update, so much has happened and i’ve been so busy with university and life in general >_<
> 
> but don’t think i’ve forgotten about this. i plan to have at least 20 chapters before the story ends. i have so much planned now since i’ve reread this just to update it. again, i’m sorry for the really long wait :(
> 
> i’ve tried hard to correlate this chapter with previous ones by rereading some chapters but not all so sorry if some things aren’t correct, i’ve tried my best :(

Jihoon has never felt this... this happy. He’s a bit unsure if it’s right to feel this way when just a few weeks ago he was at his absolute worse. But things have changed a lot since then. For the better. And when Mingyu sleepily smiles at him with the sunlight pouring into the small apartment, lighting up his puppy brown eyes and glowing skin, Jihoon knows happiness could be found at the end of every dark tunnel.

“How long have you been awake?” Mingyu asks, his voice deep and scratchy. Jihoon shyly shrugs, placing a soft hand on Mingyu’s bare chest, feeling the heat of his flushed body under his fingertips. “Not long,” He says, which is a lie. He’s been awake for almost an hour now, but he didn’t want to get up and end this happy moment. Didn’t want to wake Mingyu up also. He wanted to saviour just watching the younger boy sleep so peacefully. But Mingyu doesn’t seem to believe him. “You sure? You look pretty awake, and I know you, Jihoon. You’re a monster to wake up, not to mention you look like one for the first twenty minutes also.”

Jihoon is offended (playfully). “How rude. I’m leaving,” He says, pushing the blanket off of his bare body and sits up on the bed in attempt to escape the warm cuddles. But Mingyu wraps his arms around Jihoon’s waist and pulls him back down onto the bed before he could leave (which he wasn’t planning to do anyways). “Hey!” Jihoon whines, flailing in Mingyu’s arms as he breaks into laughter, making Mingyu do the same. His head falls back onto Mingyu’s shoulder and the taller boy places a kiss on his cheek.

Yeah. Happiness has been found, and Jihoon is trying his best to live close with it.

-

“Please tell me about your date,” Jeonghan says when he sits down across Jihoon. They’re in the library because it’s Sunday and assignments are due. Jihoon doesn’t look up from his textbook. “Also, tell me about why you haven’t responded to my texts on Saturday, or even read them? I was worried you were dead in a ditch until Soonyoung told me that Chan told him that Mingyu told Chan that you guys were still together at Mingyu’s apartment. So please, I’m curious to know how Mingyu treated you for you to be that far up his ass.” Jeonghan adds with a sigh.

Jihoon drops his pen. He looks up at Jeonghan who is smiling at him. It looks innocent but Jihoon knows it’s anything but.

“What? I can’t spend healthy quality time with my boyfriend?” Jihoon groans. Jeonghan rolls his eyes. “Yes! Wait - boyfriend? So it’s official official?”

“Yeah, I think I forgot to tell you. Anyway, it went... fine,” Jihoon coughs and taps his pen on the table. Jeonghan’s eyes are hard and unbearable on his own that Jihoon could no longer avoid them and busts open. “Okay! It was fucking amazing! We went to a fancy place, at good food, we fucking scenery gazed the frozen Han river at night! He told me he loved me, I was literally crying,” Jihoon explodes all of his emotions onto Jeonghan who takes it all. “Literally crying. Ugly sobbing,” He adds just for emphasis. Jeonghan laughs but he suddenly stops. “Did you guys fuck?” He asks, causing Jihoon to splutter on air. He becomes embarrassed, but it’s not like they never shared sex stories before, but to do that in a public library would be a first. “Well, yeah, but-“

Jeonghan laughs. Jihoon is embarrassed and tries to reclaim his dignity.

“BUT! Only once, after we came back from our date. But we haven’t after that. I think it’s because he’s trying to take things slow? Because we also barely kissed, but that could mean anything?” Jihoon questions. It does seem like that’s the only other option, that Mingyu is learning to take things slow since they officially started dating just a few days ago and went on their first date just two days ago also, because after they woke up that Saturday morning, they took a respective shower together, went out to eat lunch at the nearest cafe, and went to the movies. There was some hand holding, but not a lot. Same with kisses. Mingyu walked Jihoon to his dormitory that Saturday night, and with a soft kiss and smile, they parted ways. Now Jihoon is here, the next day, being interrogated by Yoon Jeonghan.

“Uh, that sounds fake, but okay,” Jeonghan sighs with sarcasm. Jihoon gasps, not so sarcastic. “You’re fake! What’s wrong with trying to take things slow?” Jihoon asks, feeling severely offended. “Jihoonie, I was joking. Mingyu is great, okay? And I do believe second chances, but people don’t change in less then a month. Maybe he’s scared to hurt you again so he’s withdrawing himself from you for a bit. When boyfriends hurt you, they distance themselves from the person they hurt for a bit, but that’s just to pick up the rest of their shit. Jihoon-ah, don’t be upset if Mingyu doesn’t want to spend the night or hold hands for a few weeks. He’s probably fixing his inner turmoil.” Jeonghan says, skimming through his textbook and notes the entire time that Jihoon has trouble believing he just said that without stuttering.

Honestly, that does sound a bit realistic. Jihoon remembers when he accidentally pushed his childhood friend off of the play structure and he sprained his wrist on the fall. He felt so bad that he avoided his friend who was at the play structure the next day with a cast on his hand and a few neighbourhood kids surrounding him. Jihoon remembers that he waited until the cast came off that he apologized profusely. Being 8 years old, his friend accepted his apology with open arms and they went back to being best friends. But Jihoon is a little shit. He knows that was stupid and that his friend shouldn’t have accepted his apology since he confessed so late when damage was already done. Jihoon is not so sure how this method would apply to relationship, but Jeonghan is his hyung here and it would be wrong to question him.

“What do you know about relationships?” Jihoon snaps just because he can. Jeonghan sighs yet again. “Jihoonie, I’ve been in a relationship for many years with the same person. Trust me, I know more about them then you do.” He says. Jihoon just rolls his eyes but keeps quiet. Jeonghan has a point so he doesn’t say anything and they begin to work in relative silence.

Until Jihoon speaks up.

“But what if Mingyu isn’t doing that?” He asks. Jihoon is still undeniably scared that Mingyu will leave him in the end, even after Mingyu said he loved him. It was a bit unhealthy but Jihoon has always been an insecure mess along with his many other amazing characteristics (jokes). “What do you mean?” Jeonghan asks, looking a but worried. “What if he’s... distancing himself from me because. He doesn’t like me anymore?” Jihoon frowns upon realizing still he had internal doubts stored within himself. It scared him but he didn’t know how to get rid of them just yet.

Jeonghan laughs and it makes Jihoon’s worry dissipate slightly. “Don’t hurt yourself, Jihoon-ah. Mingyu still likes you, he loves you! Don’t listen to me if you truly believe he’s just taking things slow for the sake of a better relationship. But just know, he might just be dealing with his own dilemma of whether he truly deserves you or not, which remains unknown to everybody, but he’s not going to leave you. Trust me,” Jeonghan says, reaching across the table and putting his hand on top of Jihoon’s to calm the younger boy. Jihoon looks up at Jeonghan before nodding with a sigh, pulling away from Jeonghan’s touch. “Yeah. Right. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I know you’ve been through to much and your mind is a mess, even if you don’t think so. But we’re patient enough to handle you, so don’t overthink yourself, just focus on passing your classes and taking care of yourself.” Jeonghan says with a soft smile.

Jihoon honestly doesn’t know what he has done to deserve such an amazing friend.

-

Jihoon is late for class. He’s running across campus, nearly slipping multiple times on the icy sidewalk. Of course he slept in because he couldn’t stop thinking about Jeonghan’s words despite him knowing better. He just couldn’t stop thinking if Mingyu would leave him and coming up with scenarios that didn’t happen in real life as proof that he would. It was horrible, add that with Mingyu not texting him all day besides the cute “good night :)” at 11pm, but Jihoon didn’t think much about it because Mingyu told him he was going out to study with friends. But still. Jeonghan’s words etched itself into his mind and he can’t help but feel upset even though he knows he shouldn’t. It effected his mood today, along with getting only four hours of sleep. 

He arrives to class twenty minutes late so there’s no doubt he’s been registered as absent. It upsets him because now he’s not motivated to focus on the class. It’s pointless to the point where he didn’t even have to attend class anyways, but realistically he knew he’d have to still take notes. Maybe he’s a bit dramatic, but today was certainly not his day. He could feel his mood deteriorating and his energy levels drop as he dropped his head low on the desk he sat on, the other students not batting an eye. He was just so tired today.

Class goes on for another hour and before the professor could say “have a good day” to the students, Jihoon is already out of the lecture hall and is walking straight to the front doors. He doesn’t stop even when he hears a familiar voice call his name. He has two more classes today but instead he walks back to his dorm as quickly as he could. The other students don’t blink twice at an angry 5”4 man stomping across the campus.

Jihoon reaches his dormitory building in less then five minutes, letting himself in and deciding to take the stairs to blow off some steam so he could not crumple into a mess when he got to his dorm. He was just so upset, maybe because it was just his lack of sleep. He reaches his dorm and unlocks the door, dropping his backpack, taking off his shoes and jacket, and falling straight onto his bed. He wraps himself up in his blanket, closing his eyes as his heart beats rapidly from such emotions coursing through his veins.

He doesn’t know what’s wrong and what caused it exactly. He’s just having a bad day. When Jihoon opens his eyes, his vision is blurred and it makes him angrier because what the hell was happening? He had no reason to be upset enough to cry, and that alone made him much more upset. But he’s done being angry, so he lets himself cry silently in bed. After a long time, Jihoon’s crying session finally knocks him out.

 

Jihoon wakes up with arms wrapped around him. His eyes feel tender and swollen, his throat aches, and his heart is sad. He tries to lift himself up but for some reason his body also aches. The movement triggers the other person in the bed with him.

“Hey,” Mingyu says softly, his breath ghosting over Jihoon’s neck enough to leave goosebumps. Jihoon sighs, leaning back into the taller man as much as he can. Maybe he’s hoping to be swallowed up just so he could fall into a black hole of nothingness because that sounds more better then living life. Mingyu pulls him closer and Jihoon leans against his chest tiredly. “How are you feeling?” Mingyu asks softly. Jihoon opens his eyes but he’s facing the wall and Mingyu is behind him. “Honestly? Like shit.” He moans. Mingyu doesn’t laugh like he normally would and for that Jihoon is thankful because he genuinely feels like shit and having someone he loves laugh at him for that would make him feel 10x more like shit.

“Want to talk about it?” Mingyu asks, sounding smaller then Jihoon remembers. It’s at that moment that Jihoon remembers that Mingyu is younger then him. By a whole year. That makes his heart as tender as his eyes. Mingyu is trying. He’s learning. He’s young and Jihoon is his hyung, his learning figure. And he’s been nothing but feeling small. Imagine how Mingyu is learning from that? He’s practically teaching Mingyu to push his feelings down and act pitiful as possible so other people could come by and make him feel better. Jihoon breathes and shaky breath. That’s not how it works. No one is going to fix you. You have to fix yourself. Jihoon needs to learn how to do that in order to teach Mingyu. But right now he’s tired, both mentally and physically.

“Kind of. But not really,” Is all he says. Jihoon doesn’t know what to say if he were to talk about it anyways, but Jeonghan’s words overwhelmed him so much that it ruined his mood completely and he wants to feel better to show Mingyu he’s not completely hopeless and he knows he won’t be able to do so until he says what’s bothering him. “Take your time. I’ll wait.” Mingyu says, shifting closer to press a gentle kiss on top of Jihoon’s head who suddenly wonders how he managed to feel like the luckiest person ever. His heart aches when he remembers how much trauma and pain he went through just so he could have moments like this with the man he loves.

Jihoon doesn’t turn around, he’s too scared to look at Mingyu when he begins talking. “It’s just,” He begins, wondering where to start. “I know... we’ve been through a lot. And that it’s mostly my fault for being the dramatic piece of shit I am -“

“Hey, for the record, it was because of both of us.”

“Okay. But like. Things have obviously changed. For the better, of course, but I can’t help but wonder if there is ever going to be a bad part again. Jeonghan told me yesterday that because of our... debacle, let’s say, that you might... feel different about me. And distance yourself from me. And distance from you is the last thing I really need. I know, it’s stupid. I shouldn’t listen to Jeonghan, who’s been with the same guy for years...” Jihoon finds himself surprisingly calm enough to admit what he needs to without stuttering so much and it encourages him to continue. But he’s not sure if there is anything else to say. Thankfully Mingyu doesn’t cut in again.

“I don’t know. I guess what he said just bothered me so much, not to mention that I had a terrible morning so I’m just emotional. As always. But. I don’t know. I don’t want to lose you again. Or ever. I’ll probably drop from exhaustion.” Jihoon mumbles, tugging the blanket around himself harder. His emotions are a spectrum right now. He’s not completely sure what he feels. He stutters, trying to find words to say but nothing is coming out. “Take your time. I’ll wait.” Mingyu says from behind him, shifting so he could lean down and place a gentle kiss on Jihoon’s hair. Jihoon softly blinks and tightens his grip around Mingyu’s forearm, his heated skin contrasting against Jihoon’s cold body.

“C-can you just tell me? Please?” Jihoon asks pathetically, feeling himself numb just a bit. Mingyu hesitates just because he’s not sure what Jihoon means and that hesitation makes Jihoon crumple just a bit. “Tell you what?” He asks. Jihoon closes his eyes and takes a shaky breath, calming himself down enough to continue. “T-that you won’t leave me. That I’m overreacting, overthinking things, that you won’t push me away, that you’ll come to me right away when you’re not feeling right, that you’ll be there when I need you. Please. Just tell me that you won’t leave me. I need to hear it.”

Jihoon is shaking. His heart is hurting and he feels so empty. He hates this feeling. He thought he left remorse behind him. They were supposed to be doing better right now, but as Jihoon’s pent up emotions pour through him and showcases his true vulnerability, it washes him with cathartic release. Mingyu is suddenly sitting up on the bed, pulling Jihoon up with him. The smaller boy curls into himself as he’s forced into a sitting position in front of Mingyu, feeling too upset to sit up properly. He’s too drained right now. The taller boy places a hand on Jihoon’s flushed cheek, pulling his face upwards so Mingyu could see his face properly. Their eyes don’t connect because Jihoon is so scared.

“Jihoon. I think we’ve already established this. I love you, therefore I won’t leave you. Not now, not ever,” Mingyu says, his voice soft but forceful at the same time. Jihoon takes a chance and their eyes connect. “I can’t stop you from overthinking things, but I can prevent them by saying that what Jeonghan said isn’t always what everyone would do. I won’t leave you, I won’t abandon you, I won’t push you away if you don’t do any of those things to me,” He continues. Jihoon’s hands are shaking almost uncontrollably. He can’t promise that, but then again Mingyu can’t also promise that if he doesn’t. “I care about you, it sucks the life out of me seeing you like this. I love you, okay? I want to see you happy because you deserve it. I’m going to make you as happy as you can be, and not just in the moments, but always.” Mingyu sounds so genuine and so upset, his sad puppy eyes are filled with determination.

Jihoon closes his eyes. He’s trying to stop himself from breaking down because Mingyu’s words made him emotional, more-so then he already was. And he can’t cry two times in one day (he won’t let himself). But his shoulders are shaking, his chest tightens, and he’s scared to open his eyes because he can already feel the burn of tears behind his eyelids. Instead he drops himself into Mingyu’s arms, hugging around the taller boy’s waist as Mingyu wraps his arms around his shoulders. Mingyu shifts, laying down on the bed with Jihoon on top of him, wetting his shirt with inevitable tears.

Jihoon breaks in Mingyu’s arms. But Mingyu is there to hold him together.

-

Jihoon is on top of Mingyu’s back, the taller boy not struggling one bit as he carries Jihoon to the food court inside of the university centre. People stare, but no one says anything. Jihoon would normally not allow himself to be seen in such a position by random people but he’s too in love with Mingyu and his crazy ideas to even care. Plus, walking is lame. Jihoon giggles and Mingyu huffs. “Have you been working out?” He asks and Mingyu heaves as he adjusts Jihoon on his back. Jihoon laughs.

“Please don’t laugh,” Mingyu whines. Jihoon clicks his tongue and shakes his head. “This was your idea. I find it amusing, and apparently so does the rest of the campus,” Jihoon says as the near the food court. Mingyu nearly trips because he’s clumsy and Jihoon nearly screams until he remembers they’re in a public place and that would look even weirder. “What do you want to eat?” Mingyu asks when they get near the booths. “Uh. Meat,” Jihoon says. He hasn’t had meat in ages (since their date a week ago). He was craving bulgogi. “You have to be more specific, baby,” Mingyu huffs yet again. Jihoon rolls his eyes, resting his chin on Mingyu’s shoulder. “Korean meat. Bulgogi. Pork. Not beef. You’re gross,” He says dramatically. Mingyu gasps, looking over his shoulder so their faces are very close and Jihoon laughs, looking away embarrassed. “Beef bulgogi is good, I can’t believe you’ve just said that.”

They go towards the Korean food booth, and shockingly, they meet up with a familiar face in the line.

“Hey Mingyu,” Boo Seungkwan says. Mingyu seems happy to see him, much to Jihoon’s dismay but he doesn’t mind because they’re friends and have been way before Mingyu met Jihoon. Seungkwan doesn’t even stare at their position with a weirded out expression like everyone else has, so Jihoon decides he judged Seungkwan too soon. “Hey, Boo,” Mingyu says. Boo could also be a pet name, Jihoon knows it’s Seungkwan’s last name, but Mingyu calling him just that suddenly makes Jihoon take his last thoughts back. “Where’s Seokmin?”

The mention of Seokmin has Jihoon perking up a bit. He’s only hung out with Seokmin once, because the party didn’t count, but he was a decently nice guy who Jihoon could probably see as a friend. Their personalities contrasted greatly but he was funny and Jihoon needed friends with humour because his current friends had dry humour. Or offensive humour. Seokmin knew how to limit himself unlike Jeonghan. And Chan.

“He’s sitting down with Hansol and Jisoo,” Seungkwan informs, pointing over to the tables. Again, the mention of Jisoo has Jihoon looking back at the countless tables that were quite empty for an early Saturday morning. Jihoon sees a familiar person sitting across whom he assumes is Hansol because he can’t get a clear sight. “Didn’t you guys go to Minho’s party last night?” Mingyu asks when Jihoon looks forward again and rests his chin on Mingyu’s shoulder. “Yes and no. We left early because Hansol got sick. That’s why there’s only us here. Minghao stayed but Chan stayed back with, um, Soonyoung? And I saw Wonwoo and Jun there. Not sure if I can remember seeing anyone else.” Seungkwan says.

“Ah, really?” Jihoon asks suddenly. Seungkwan looks at him. “I meant about Chan and Soonyoung?” He clarifies. He’s been curious about those two since their date. “Not that I was watching, but I seen them fairly close. I heard their date went well, thus being fairly touchy at parties is okay now.” Seungkwan laughs.

Jihoon thinks back when Soonyoung told him about their date. They went to Olive Garden and shared the most expensive meal and went to the movies right after. He said they talked about things they never talked about to each other and that created more of a secure bond in their friendship. It was sweet. But apparently they haven’t kissed yet since they were only touchy at parties and not making out against the walls like any other pining lovers would do at parties. He’s surprised by Soonyoung’s patience.

“They’re taking things slow?” Mingyu asks, making Jihoon come out of his thought bubble. “Chan told me that he’s nervous - our baby has never been in a relationship. And Soonyoung is respectful of that from what he told me, jesus, Jihoon, you have great friends. You should hook me up with one of them.” Seungkwan jokes and Jihoon snorts. “The only available ones are Wonwoo and Junhui, but Jun’s a tragic heterosexual.”

“That is tragic,” Seungkwan sighs dramatically. “So, Wonwoo?”

“Seungkwan, stop.”

 

Mingyu holds their food and Jihoon at the same time and they follow Seungkwan’s trail to where Jisoo, Hansol, and Seokmin are sitting at a fairly decent sized table. Jisoo seems surprised to see Jihoon, especially like this on Mingyu’s back at 9am on a Saturday. Mingyu places the trays on the table, lowering down so Jihoon could hop off of his back.

“Hey Jisoo, long time no see,” He says, forcing the two American boys to move over to create room for him to pull up a chair next to them. “Uh, Jihoon, wow. It’s been a while, but I see that you’re doing good?” Jisoo asks, motioning to Mingyu who is struggling to fit his long legs under the table across from them. He remembers that since he barely spoke to Jisoo these days that the American doesn’t really know much about him lately, but Jeonghan has probably filled him in since the 95s were still in contact. Jihoon nods, immediately digging into his bulgogi. “Oh yeah. Very well. You too, I see?” Jihoon says, looking across Jisoo at Hansol who is in a deep argument with Seungkwan. “Very. Okay, so, you know how like, the snow is finally going away so spring break is coming?” Jisoo asks, suddenly very excited. Jihoon nods. “Well, at the end of every spring day, Hansol’s family has a tradition of like, going out and have dinner. But guess what?” Jisoo leans in closer. “Hansol asked me to come with him.”

Jihoon is shocked. Despite Hansol and Jisoo only dating for a very few months, Jisoo is already meeting Hansol’s family? They must be so close and serious that Jihoon is envious.

“Oh my god, really? Aren’t you nervous?” Jihoon asks. He would be nervous if he were to ever meet Mingyu’s family. He would be a wreck. “Kind of. This is my first proper meeting with them, but I’m positive it’ll go fine because his parents are very accepting and Hansol says they’re apparently really cool.” Jisoo adds with a laugh.

“Aren’t they artists? Painters? All artists are cool and open minded, that’s part of being an artist,” Jihoon jokes. He recalls Jisoo telling him about Hansol’s parents long ago. Jisoo laughs. “Are you underestimating my boyfriend’s parents’ personalities based on the fact that they are artists?” Jisoo asks in a fake offended voice. Jihoon nods shamelessly.

Their conversation dwindles to small talk until a rowdy Seokmin and Seungkwan argue about whatever it is that causes Jisoo and Hansol to join. Jihoon looks at Mingyu across the table who looks seconds away from also joining the argument until he notices Jihoon looking at him.

“So what was that about?” Mingyu asks, mentioning Jisoo and Jihoon’s conversation. “Oh, Jisoo just told me he’s finally meeting Hansol’s parents,” Jihoon shrugs and Mingyu nods in understanding. He’s silent for a moment and it doesn’t make Jihoon think twice because Mingyu is always like that. “Would you want to meet mine?”

Uh. Jihoon is completely floored.

“Don’t they like. Hate you?” Jihoon asks dumbly. Mingyu retaliates, his posture stiffens. “About that; they decided not to disown me. They invited me home for spring break, actually,” He informs. Jihoon is shocked at this newfound knowledge. “I’m scared, but they’re my parents. T-they can’t really do anything to like, hurt me, right?” Mingyu still looks uncertain and Jihoon bites his lip. He’s pretty sure that is the case, and since they invited him home for the break? Nothing could really be wrong.

“I’m sure they’re just trying to be supportive, but I’m not too sure about meeting them yet. I - my parents also invited me home for the break,” Jihoon says, which is false. His parents are going to Japan during the spring break to see the cherry blossoms bloom because that’s what people who’ve been in love for 35 years do. Mingyu deflates. “I see. This was too soon, wasn’t it?” He laughs awkwardly, looking like a kicked puppy. Jihoon bites his lip once more but he can’t help but think that is the cade. “Y-yeah, not gonna lie.” He agrees and Mingyu nods in understanding.

“Yeah, but I’m trying to only stay for two days the most. M-my birthday is on the 6th and I want to... spend it with you,” Mingyu mumbles, flushing heavily as he stabs his meat with his chopsticks. Jihoon didn’t forget about Mingyu’s birthday, that he was finally turning 22, and that his birthday fell along the days of spring break. But he didn’t expect for Mingyu to choose to spend it with him instead of friends and family. It makes his heart swell. “Ah, really? You’re so cute, Mingyu-ah.” Jihoon coos, earning an even deeper blush from Mingyu who ducks his head.

 

Breakfast ends a while later and all seven boys part ways from the table after saying heartfelt goodbyes and ‘let’s meet up again sometime’s from Seungkwan. Seokmin and Seungkwan leave together along with Hansol and Jisoo and Jihoon hopping on Mingyu’s back once again as the taller boy groans and nearly drops the trays he’s holding, causing Jihoon to laugh. They walk back to Jihoon’s dormitory the same way the walked to the university centre. Jihoon is glad the snow is melting because Mingyu would have most likely slipping on an ice patch by now.

They reach Jihoon’s dormitory after struggling to walk up the stairs and Jihoon laughing. Why Mingyu chose the stairs instead of the elevator was really a mystery, but Jihoon thinks it’s because he wanted to how off his strength and ultimately failing when he nearly drops Jihoon on the stairs more then once. Jihoon slides off Mingyu’s back because the asshole didn’t lower himself down like he did earlier. Jihoon removes his jacket and shoes and goes to the bathroom where he uses it, washes his hands and brushes his teeth. When he comes out, Mingyu is sitting at his desk on his swirly chair.

“Don’t read any thing on that desk,” Jihoon warns. There’s mostly lyrics scrambles about, but they’re mostly unfinished pieces save for one he’s been working on for a few weeks, but he’s still insecure about them. Especially from Mingyu. Mingyu looks back at Jihoon who sits on his bed. “Why not? I want to see what you’ve written.” Mingyu drawls as he reaches over to pick up a random piece of paper and Jihoon screams. Mingyu laughs and pulls his hand back and Jihoon glares at him.

There’s fondness in Mingyu’s eyes but Jihoon is too stubborn to melt. He stands up and walks over to the bed and Jihoon pouts.

“You’re so cute, baby,” Mingyu mutters, sitting next to Jihoon and places a hand on his knee. Jihoon pouts even more. “You can’t call me a baby when you’re 21 and I’m 23,” He argues, though not seriously. Mingyu suddenly pushes Jihoon down on the bed and climbs on top of him, the action causing Jihoon to lose his breath and gasp when Mingyu’s face is so close to his. “Age doesn’t matter. You act like a cute baby, so you’re my cute baby. You got that, baby boy?”

Mingyu’s voice is so deep, so husky, and his eyes are so dark and demanding that Jihoon literally quivers. He’s suddenly turned on and his bratty attitude slips away, replaced by his needy, submissive one. He nods, a short breath escaping his lips when Mingyu grips his jaw tightly but not harshly. “Answer me, verbally, Jihoon,” Mingyu demands, eyes darkening and Jihoon pouts, he likes when Mingyu calls him baby boy a lot better then his government name. But he lives to please, so he nods once more but he adds, “Always going to be your baby, Mingyu.”

Mingyu smiles darkly, brushing his lips softly against Jihoon’s who is so deseprate that he pulls the taller boy closer and their lips touch and his veins flow with electricity. Mingyu is rough but gentle with the kiss and Jihoon is plain desperate for more. He wraps his legs around Mingyu’s waist to show that he wants more, and Mingyu doesn’t decline his baby.

Mingyu slides his hand down Jihoon’s chest, stopping right above the waist band of the joggers he’s wearing and easily slips his hand under both the joggers and his underwear. Jihoon moans into the kiss when Mingyu grips his hardening dick, lifting his hips up into the touch. But Mingyu pulls his hand away, causing Jihoon the whine and pull away from the kiss, dropping his head onto the pillow as Mingyu pins his hips down onto the mattress.

“Good boys are patient. Baby, can you be my good boy, too?” Mingyu whispers against Jihoon’s ear so sensually that Jihoon has to physically restrain himself from lifting his hips up for contact. He whines, his heart beating erratically. “Y-yeah, I’m your good boy. Please, t-touch me.” Jihoon begs, grounding his feet flat onto the bed. Mingyu places a soft kiss on Jihoon’s jaw, trailing his lips down as his hand ghosts over Jihoon’s hard dick. Jihoon has enough willpower to not thrust up, and Mingyu rewards him by placing his hand back on his dick and giving him a few tugs that have Jihoon whining as Mingyu sucks a few marks onto his neck.

They do this for far too long then Jihoon would like. He’s impatient and desperate, and though Mingyu dryly rubbing him and kissing his neck was enough to get him off, he wants more. Mingyu seems to notice because then he’s shifting onto his knees so he could pull down Jihoon’s pants and underwear, Jihoon trying hard not to hide himself out of shyness. Mingyu takes off his shirt and Jihoon does the same. Once he’s completely naked, body flushed and chest rising and falling erratically from his unsteady heartbeat, Mingyu is praising him.

“You look so beautiful,” The taller boy says, his hard demeanour replaced by a soft man who slides his hands along Jihoon’s body, examining every curve and crevice and Jihoon whines, goosebumps rising on his skin. Mingyu lowers himself down to Jihoon’s crotch. “You’re so so perfect, your body is wonderful. You’re the best thing that happened to me,” He says between Jihoon’s thighs. Jihoon slips his eyes shut, throwing his head back into the pillows as Mingyu places small kisses on the inside of his thigh, painfully close to his leaking member. His heart is flourishing with Mingyu’s praise and it makes him feel elevated and wanting to give Mingyu his all. “You’re so small. So cute. So pink.” Mingyu adds, using one hand to wrap around Jihoon’s dick who gasps. Jihoon flushes even more.

Mingyu places small kisses on his length and Jihoon might cry. His back arches when Mingyu finally sucks him into his mouth, experimentally bobbing his head lowly and Jihoon curses at the back of his throat and his hands tangle themselves in Mingyu’s dark, soft hair. His gut is clenching quite fast because this is the first sexual contact he’s had with Mingyu Since Their Date, and he might explode.

He does. Down Mingyu’s throat. Without warning. So the taller boy gags but he swallows anyway when he’s pulling off of Jihoon. Jihoon’s too blissed by the praise running over and over through his mind to properly apologize, his heart beating way too fast as his gut unclenches.

But he opens his low eyes when he feels Mingyu’s lips on his own, and he’s kissing back just as softly. “Do you think you can come again?” Mingyu asks, nibbling Jihoon’s bottom lip. Jihoon is sure he can. He’s done it before. “Y-yes.” He replies, nodding his head to secure the consent. Mingyu nods also, kissing Jihoon softly before pulling away. He reaches over to the night stand and pulls out a bottle of lube and Jihoon flushes when he watches Mingyu slick up his fingers.

Jihoon lifts his knees up so Mingyu could have better access. Mingyu circles a finger around his rim, pushing in slowly as Jihoon groans. Mingyu places gentle kisses on Jihoon’s face, showering the boy with affection as he circles his finger inside of him. Jihoon is quivering when Mingyu adds a second finger. It’s been a while since he’s anything in him and the stretch hurts but he doesn’t want to stop. He works himself on Mingyu’s fingers just help himself adjust to the stretch because he knows he’ll need it, gasping every time Mingyu curls his fingers. His dick finally begins to harden again.

Once Mingyu is three fingers in and Jihoon feels he’s been stretched enough because the sting finally dissipated, he whines. “I’m d-done, I’m alright, p-please, j-just,” He stutters, gasping when Mingyu pulls out his fingers completely. He watches Mingyu pull down his own pants, lifting his knees off the bed one by one to take them off fully, his dick springing up against his stomach and Jihoon closes his eyes, leaning against the pillows as his grip on the back of his knees tighten. He hears Mingyu uncap the bottle and the wetness of the lube against skin.

Jihoon opens his eyes when he feels a hand on his jaw coaxing him to open his eyes, Mingyu is above him, holding himself with his other hand, and their eyes connect under the afternoon light of the sun seeping through the curtains. Jihoon sees fondness and admiration in Mingyu’s eyes. He sees change, happiness, and home. Mingyu begins to push in, their eyes still locked together as Jihoon gasps. Jihoon feels vulnerable, like Mingyu is watching him from the inside, like he could see Jihoon’s whole life playing right in front of him. Once Mingyu is fully inside of him, Jihoon releases a shaky breath.

He’s so full. His heart hurts and his skin is hot. Mingyu is careful when he pulls out and pushes back in. Jihoon’s back arches and Mingyu places his hand on his hip.

“You’re so good, baby. You feel so good, you’re so beautiful,” Mingyu praises, and Jihoon throws his head back, his eyes finally slipping shut as his hands tighten around the thick black locks of Mingyu’s hair. Mingyu breathes heavily into the crook of Jihoon’s neck as he begins a steady pace, each thrust making Jihoon moan softly and gasp. “You’re perfect, you’re my baby.” Mingyu kisses Jihoon’s neck and the smaller boy is shaking as his veins nearly combust.

“Yours, yours, yours, yours.” Jihoon repeats as his mind falls blank in the feeling of Mingyu’s body heat radiating against his own, the soft praise coming from Mingyu’s lips, and the overwhelming happiness he feels blooming in his chest. It encourages Mingyu to fasten his pace just a bit, the sound of skin slapping against skin echoing the small room, heavy breathing mingling together and moans filling the room. Jihoon might cry from sensitivity as Mingyu buries himself deep inside of him, his own dick straining against his stomach painfully.

Jihoon’s gut clenches, he’s shaking as Mingyu continues to thrust in him, muttering praises into his skin, his fingernails leaving indents in the smaller boy’s skin. Mingyu lifts himself up, his position changing, and when he thrusts back in, Jihoon’s back arches and he’s seeing stars as that spot inside of him is repeated hit by Mingyu who relishes in his moans and whines. There’s a familiar coil in his gut and he’s too dizzy to stop himself as he comes again between his and Mingyu’s body, the wet streaks squirting against Mingyu’s abs and down to his stomach.

Mingyu is not to far, spilling deep inside of Jihoon with a low groan. Jihoon takes it all, his hands shaking as his head swims with countless feelings. One thing he’s sure he’s feeling is happiness.

Mingyu presses kisses against Jihoon’s lips, soft and tender, and Jihoon feels secure, safe, and loved. “I love you. So so much.” Mingyu mutters against his lips and Jihoon’s heart swells. Happiness is just a word, it’s a simple dream everybody wants, and when it takes the form of a person Jihoon wonders how he’s gotten so damn lucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments help me write faster!
> 
> stream clap by seventeen on youtube and buy teen,age on itunes

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: @jjigyu i'm more active on there so talk to me there!!


End file.
